


The Monster in the Sky

by AllTimePhan73



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aliens, Anxiety, Delusions, Depression, Detectives, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Isolation, M/M, Murder, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs, Therapy, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-01-02 11:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 81,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21160748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: This is a book about feeling isolated.Isolated from your family because they don't trust a single word that comes out of your mouth.Isolated from your friends because they're all stuck in space and you have no means of contacting them. Occasionally they show up in your dreams but that's entirely out of your control.Isolated from the world because you've been assigned the title of yet another headcase; a victim of trauma so terrifying that you can no longer tell fantasy from reality. If they'd just trust you for five minutes, they'd understand they are jumping to the wrong conclusions.This is a story about not knowing who you can trust and questioning your own sanity....Did you know your memories may have been distorted without you realising? Lance sure didn't. Well... not until now at least.TW: Anxiety, drug use, depression, murder and a lot of mentions of abuse/kidnapping.





	1. Home

It was a dark, Tuesday afternoon and Lance was stood outside of a house he hadn’t seen in at least a year. The door seemed to tower over him so, for the first time, Lance felt small in front of the home where he had lived in for half of his life. The only reason Lance actually knocked was because rain began spitting, dripping onto his face and eliciting a small smile to spread. It had been a while since he had seen rain and, though it might have seemed menial, it meant the world to him. A good author would have argued pathetic fallacy and warned Lance not to go inside but it was too late. He had knocked.

The seconds the door took to open seemed to dragged into hours, days, months even. Lance’s hands were trembling so much that clenching them into fists didn’t help calm them down. Before Lance could consider bailing, the door was thrown open.

For a second, Lance stared into the eyes of his brother. Lance could always remember his little brother having the kindest eyes and nothing had changed in the year he’d been gone. “Lance?” Luis questioned, swallowing back the lump in his throat. Tears gathered in his eyes and, as soon as it fully registered, Luis dived forward and tackled Lance into a hug. A sob escaped as Lance was able to bury his head into his brother’s jacket, unable to fathom that he was back home. He was back home. He couldn’t believe it.

“Oh, hijo…” Lance raised his head to look at his mum who had come to see who was at the door. “Am I dreaming? Are you really here?”

“Si, mamá. I’m here.” He couldn’t help a further sob as his mum joined the hug. Lance breathed in her vanilla scent, something that hadn’t changed at all since he’d been in space. It had been so long but, finally, Lance felt like he was at home. He didn’t even care that he hadn’t entered the actual house yet: his family were enough of a home.

“You came home…” Lance could only nod as he didn’t trust his voice. A lump was finding a home in his throat where even more sobs were trying to get out.

-

“So I found this blue lion, right? It was massive like…” Lance held out his arms to emphasise the size of the ship, though he was aware that it didn’t give her justice. Blue would have been double the size of their small living room, if not triple. His parents looked a lot less excited than he had expected: they were staring at him with eyes that looked more sad than anything. He understood that he had been missing for a year which had been hard on him; let alone his family who hadn’t had a clue where he’d been- but that didn’t excuse their distraught expressions. Who wouldn’t be impressed by lion-shaped spaceships? “It chose me to pilot it. Out of everyone on Earth. It took me out into space with some others from the Garrison. Do you remember Hunk?” At the name of Lance’s best friend, his parents’s faces softened but it only took a few seconds for them to harden again. “He was there. I also met these aliens- Allura,” Both his parents noticed the way his energy faltered upon saying the name. They wondered if it had triggered the surfacing of a real memory but, soon enough, Lance’s energy had returned. Little did they know, he was throwing on a mask he had recently grown used to putting on. “And Coran. They had these pointy ears like elves. Allura was the princess of this planet, Altea, and she was so beautiful. I have never seen anyone like her before… you should have seen her. I bet you would have loved her.”

His mum turned to look at his dad, exchanging furrowed eyebrows with him. She shifted her hand forward to lay it on top of his son’s larger one. “Lance…” She murmured, rubbing her thumb against his tanned skin. She smiled softly but her eyes were filled to the brim with a contrasting sadness. The only time Lance had seen so much pain in her was when his abuela had passed away a few years previous. As much as Lance wanted to, he didn’t understand why she was so upset when he was there. He had come home. He was with them, alive and well, unlike his abuela had been. It was her next line that shattered his heart inside his chest, explaining why his mum was feeling like that but only making Lance feel more confused. “You can tell us what really happened, you know?” She didn’t believe him. His own mother didn’t trust him.

“That… That is what happened, mamá…” The way Lance’s voice cracked when referring to his mum elicited a sharp, intake of breath from both of his parents. They were looking at him as if he hadn’t just spent a year in space but had, instead, been through something much more terrifying and traumatic. He hated it. His parents were supposed to joke around with him and spread smiles like a beautiful disease, not look at him as if he was made out of glass.

His mum shook her head, blinking enough to make it obvious she was fighting tears. Somehow, her frown got even deeper. “Hijo… you’ve been missing for over a year. The police thought you had been kidnapped. There is no way you went to space all that time…”

“I did.”

“Then where are you friends?”

“Well,” Lance’s next words were rushed; full of desperation. He leaned forward and scrunched his face up with clenched fists at his sides, hoping his words would actually get to his parents and not go right over their heads. “Keith had to help the Blade of Mamora,” At the mention of something else she hadn’t heard of, Lance’s mum turned her head to hide her tears from her son. He still saw. “Hunk and Pidge stayed to help Coran build another Castle and Shiro stayed with them because they were going to build him a new prosthetic arm.” Lance was prepared to talk for days about his new friends but his parents couldn’t tear their minds away from the idea that something wasn’t quite right with Lance. He wasn’t the same boy that had gone missing over a year ago.

“Come here, hijo… Come here…” Lance didn’t say anything as he catapulted forwards into his mother’s arms. He buried his head into her neck, breathing in the scent that never failed to comfort him. He felt like he was a baby again and he was in the world that was his loving mother’s arms. “We missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, mamá.”

-

As much as Lance loved food, he never thought he would appreciate his kitchen so much. The sight of the toaster alone was enough to elicit an excited squeal from him. He had raced forward and pressed his hands against the plastic, the thought of toast making his stomach rumble. Space food wasn’t his favourite thing in the universe, though it was definitely interesting. It was nothing compared to a piece of toast, toasted to perfection (almost burnt) with the right amount of butter on it. Lance was trying to tempt himself out of putting some bread in the appliance when his dad called him into the living room.

He tore his gaze away from the toaster to walk the few metres to the living room. “Is everything okay?” He asked, leaning all of his body weight against the doorway. His confident body language faltered once he realised his parents were refusing to meet his gaze. The room was also filled to the brim with tension as thick as syrup, restricting Lance’s ability to relax and move freely. Just before Lance could flee to the safety of his bedroom, his mum spoke up.

“Hijo, we spoke to the police.”

Lance’s mouth dropped open and his eyebrows flew to the roof. “The police?” He couldn’t wrap his head around the situation. His parents were meant to trust him. They weren’t meant to accuse him of lying to the point that they had to get the police involved. 

“You went missing for a year and they were investigating your disappearance. They need to talk to you and take a statement.”

Like a fish, Lance let his mouth open and close multiple times, at a complete loss for words. What were you meant to say when your parents thought something terrible had happened to you and were wrong? What were you meant to do when they got the police involved? “But… But I’m home now mamá… I’m okay and- and it’s not like I was kidnapped or hurt in any way.”

His mum stood up, eyes glossing over with tears. Lance had never seen her cry so much; not even when they had lost his abuela. She wrapped an arm around Lance’s lanky frame and, if Lance hadn’t missed his mum’s touch so much, he would have shaken her off. “You- You said you were abducted by aliens. They don’t exist, honey. Something happened to you and we need to get to the bottom of exactly what.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“Lance-”

Finally, Lance gathered the strength to push her away. He backed up and shook his head in disbelief, so much that it almost made him lightheaded. “You don’t believe me. I wasn’t kidnapped or whatever you think happened to me!” With each sentence, Lance backed up further. He wanted as much distance between him and his parents as possible; especially when they had a net total of zero amount of faith in him. They had at least pretended to believe him when he was a little boy, terrified of the monster underneath his bed. Now the monsters were in the sky, they suddenly didn’t believe a word that came out of his mouth. “I’m fine! I’m as mentally stable as I was before I left and I didn’t make any of this shit up!”

It was his dad’s turn to speak up. Lance’s mum had turned her head as tears collected in her eyes, rendering her unable to speak. “Lance, just talk to the police. Tell them exactly what happened, okay? That’s all we’re asking you to do.”

“No.” Lance dropped his gaze to his feet. Both of his parents hyper-focused on Lance’s hands as they formed loose fists. “I’m not telling them anything.”

“Why? You must understand how serious this is… those kids you were with, they’re still missing. Hunk is still missing. If you can tell the police anything that might help them find them and bring them back to their hurting families, you need to tell them.”

“We went to space. That’s where they are.”

“If you want to tell that to Hunk’s family then go ahead. I doubt they’re going to believe you either. We know you think that happened but it can’t have.”

“It did happen!”

“Lance, we aren’t going to judge you. We just want to make sure you’re okay after whatever happened. If someone threatened you into silence or-”

“I’m not speaking to the police.” With that, Lance let his shoulders drop in exhaustion before he rushed out of the room. He skipped every other step and nearly threw himself up the stairs multiple times but he didn’t care.

He just about heard his dad yell, “You-” before he slammed his bedroom door to drown the rest of the sentence out.


	2. Water Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't finished writing this story but I feel bad making you wait so here's chapter 2, just for you :)

Something that Lance loved prior to his escapade in space was the beach. When he was younger and had lived in Cuba, he spent every day that he could at the seaside. His parents had always called him a ‘water baby’ because he had taken to the ocean as a fish would. That was what made it so easy for his parents to convince him to go to the beach.

They thought it might have been a good way to dial down after everything that had happened. Lance hadn’t seemed the same since he had returned to Earth, deciding to spend the majority of his time in his room. He was quiet which was one of the worst things in the world for his parents who had grown used to his ramblings. They hoped a nice day out would improve his mood.

Lance’s mum was sat on a beach towel, only moving every minute or so to flip the page of her book. His dad was lying down and using his own hands as a pillow as he rested beneath the calm heat of the sun. For a while, Lance had sat with them and stared out at the ocean to admire the view that had always calmed him as a child. It didn’t take long for him to feel restless so, instead, he pulled himself up and headed towards his niece and nephew. They were sitting a few metres away, digging up sand and plopping it into buckets. Lance did his own mini dance as his bare feet fought against the boiling hot sand.

“Uncy Lance!” Carlos, his nephew, screeched, clapping his hands. Lance grinned before ruffling the younger boy’s hair to mess it up. Carlos pouted and tried to part it properly but, eventually, he gave up and left it the way it was. “Will you help us make a big castle?”

“Of course! You’ve been doing really well so far. It’s almost as big as you,” Maria, his niece, smiled enough to show off her missing front teeth. She stood up to show that the castle didn’t even reach her knees but Lance didn’t take back his statement. “You know, this looks like a castle I once visited.”

“You saw a castle?!”

“I did! And I met a beautiful princess named Allura.” Something washed over Lance’s face but neither Maria nor Carlos were old enough to understand the kind of pain their uncle was experiencing. The name had been enough to ignite a tiny flame inside Lance’s heart, sending a flare full of agony through his body. He forced his mask back onto his face so he didn’t ruin Maria’s and Carlos’s special days.

“Did you fall in love?”

Lance stared down at his hands for a moment, swallowing thickly so he could remain composed. “I did… just a little.”

“Uncy Lance is a prince now!” Carlos’s face lit up with the widest smile he could have possibly mustered. Lance let out a forced laugh that proved his acting skills could have been professional before rustling his hair again. Carlos didn’t even bother trying to fix it that time.

“Not quite. She didn’t love me back.”

“Oh…” Maria scooped more sand into her bucket before flipping it over. When she pulled it off, it revealed a small lump that could have loosely resembled a castle. To the young girl, it looked near enough perfect. She could just about imagine the princess sitting inside with her own special prince- or princess because Lance said some girls could like girls. If she closed her eyes, Maria could almost imagine standing beside the princess in a beautiful dress that reminded her of her favourite Disney Princess, Cinderella. “Will we ever meet her?”

“I don’t think so… she’s very busy at the moment, defending the universe from some bad aliens and all.” Lance avoided the actual story at the expense of his niece and nephew (along with his own sanity). He knew telling them the truth would upset both of them and they seemed to be having a good time buried in ignorance.

“That sounds dangerous. Is she going to die?”

Lance’s heart dropped and crashed into the floor. Tears washed over his eyes but he blinked away as quickly as he could to suppress them. “I-” Before he could respond properly, his name was called.

Lance turned his head to look out into the ocean where his brother, Luis, and sister, Veronica, were standing in their swimming suits. Luis was up to his waist in water and Veronica up to her mid-thighs. Veronica waved her hand as a silent gesture for Lance to join them.

“Looks like I’m being summoned. Do you guys want to come swimming too?”

“I forgot my trunks…” Carlos murmured, jutting his bottom lip out as tears gathered in his eyes. Maria was already in the middle of peeling her shirt off to reveal her own bright pink Hello Kitty bikini.

“Just roll up your trousers as high as you can.” Lance leaned forward to fight Carlos’s scepticism and roll the material up. He folded it inside itself so that it didn’t unroll itself. Once it was up to his knee, he grabbed both of the children’s hands and dragged them towards the sea. Just before they could make contact with the cold water, Lance pulled off his own shirt. Almost immediately, his mum gasped and time seemed to stop. He turned to Carlos and Maria with furrowed eyebrows until Carlos reached out to rub his hand against Lance’s back and it all started to make sense. His back was then revealed to his siblings whose faces dropped.

Somehow, Lance had forgotten about the scars that adorned him. The biggest one was bright pink, a distinctive memory of the explosion that happened at the Castle of Lions. The rest were all menial scars from everyday sparring. None of them were even close to how horrible the explosion scar was. “What did you do?” Carlos asked with childish innocence. His voice had been enough to pull Lance out of the hole that was his own thoughts.

Lance forced a smile and let his arms fall back to his sides so his posture became more awkward. It was so uncharacteristic to his family who had always known him as confident and outgoing, regardless of the situation he was in. “Something happened in that castle I told you about.” The entire beach seemed to go silent as everyone waited for Lance to explain. They were on the edge of their seats, watching a thriller movie that just so happened to be real life.

“Does it hurt? It looks bad.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore. I got all those scars protecting a royal advisor from a bomb. I saved his life,” Before Carlos could push him further, Lance rushed out another sentence. “Now, come on, let’s swim.”

Carlos nodded again as if nothing had ever happened but that didn’t stop the rest of Lance’s family watching him with identical pairs of sorrowful eyes. As much as Lance tried, it was difficult to ignore them.

That meant, for the first time in the history of time, Lance McClain felt uncomfortable when he was swimming in the ocean.

-

“Lance, did… did someone do this to you?” Lance’s mum asked as her overly gentle, soft hands traced the different scars covering her back. Her touch was light enough to tickle more than anything, sending a shiver through his spine. She followed the largest one from just above the waistband of his shorts up to between his collar bones, closing her eyes as she tried her hardest not to cry. The sizes and colours of the others varied, from a few tiny pink scars by his hip to another large one that spread a deep red across a large proportion of his back. “You can tell us, okay? You don’t have to be afraid.” Lance hated the sympathy and concern in his mum’s voice. All he wanted was for her to trust him and understand that he wouldn’t have made Voltron up. He wouldn’t cause them that much pain.

“No.” Lance said, attempting (and failing) to push his mum away. Her hand froze in its movements as it lingered over the biggest scar of them all. Scrunching his eyes up and fighting tears, Lance let out a deep breath. His mum’s hand felt so heavy on his back. It was like the weight of the world, weighing him down and crushing him into next to nothing.

“Hijo… You’re going to have to talk about what really happened eventually. You know we won’t judge you, right?”

Lance nodded, a lump forming in his throat. It made it much more difficult to speak than it needed to be. “I know you won’t judge me. That’s why I told you the truth, mamá.” When referring to the woman that had raised him since he was just a baby that cried way too much, his voice cracked and he was propelled back into being a cry baby. Once the tears began to fall, it was impossible to stop them.

His mum turned her head and let out a quiet sob, tears trailing down her cheeks. Lance wanted to lean back and wipe them away but he found he had lost control over his limbs. “Mi pequeño niño…” **(My little boy)** She leaned forward enough to kiss her son’s cheek and proceeded to wrap him up in her arms as if he was a present. To her, he really was a gift. All she wanted was for him to be as happy as he deserved. Her embrace was tight enough to make her thoughts obvious. “¿Qué le pasó?” **(What happened to you?)**

“I told you… You have to believe me…”

“You must understand our position,” His mum’s voice dropped in volume to become a soft whisper. Its purpose was clearly to calm Lance down but it didn’t work. “You’ve been missing for so long and you come home with this crazy story about space and aliens.”

“I’m not lying.”

Lance’s mum let out a soft sigh, blinking away further tears. “Hijo, you’re going to have to talk to us sometime.”

“I’m trying!” Lance didn’t mean to shout but his frustration was igniting a fire inside the pits of his chest. He clenched his hands into fists but they were only weak; an accurate representation of his own mentality. “You’re the one who won’t believe me.” With that, Lance pulled out of the hug and rushed out of the room. His mum was left on the sofa, watching her son disappear in the distance as she covered her mouth with her hand to drown out her sobs.


	3. INSANE

Lance could tell that his parents felt guilty for not believing his story because, a few days later, they told him they were going on a day trip to his favourite aquarium whilst his siblings were stuck at school. He liked the idea enough to get into the car without even the slightest bit of argument. There was just something about water- and everything in it- that made him feel so calm and at ease. For a brief period during his time at the Garrison, he had even worked in the aquarium. He was forced to wear a shark fin hat (forced is the wrong word when Lance really thought it looked awesome) and he gave tours to families so often that he was able to blurt out a list of random fun facts he had learnt to keep everyone entertained. Part of him missed his job but he knew defending the universe with Voltron was more important than being a tour guide that knew a strange amount about fish.

When they pulled into a car park that most certainly didn’t look like the one behind the aquarium, Lance began to worry. It was so dingy and dirty, litter spread across the floor in the most randomest places. To make it even more suspicious, there wasn’t even a billboard hanging off the building that had hand painted dolphins on. It was just a manky white building with the words _ Forestar Hospital _ written on the side. Most of the letters had been scratched off but, still, the sight was enough to send Lance’s heart plummeting to the floor.

A million questions ran through his head: _ was someone sick? Was someone dying? Was he dying? What was going on? _“Mamá?” He questioned but she didn’t reply to him. Instead, she grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the main entrance without so much of an explanation.

They walked passed a large white sign that stood by the main reception. It had a list of different wards written on it in a rainbow of different colours. His mum pulled him down a hall that was painted a sickening bright blue with _ Bluebell Ward _ scrawled on the top of one of the doors. Once they reached another smaller reception, his father walked up to the lady sitting at the computer behind it. Lance could only watch as his mum guided him to a lone seat pressed right up against the wall.

Finally, Lance let the questions in his head come out of his mouth in the form of an endless ramble. “Is someone sick? Why are we in a hospital? What’s going on? Is someone dying?”

His mum refused to meet his gaze and only shook her head so slowly that Lance almost missed it. Her voice was so soft that it might as well have been laced with marshmallow when she next spoke; _ Lance had always thought marshmallows were too sickly_. “We made an appointment for you.”

“For me?” Lance’s face scrunched up in thought. “But I’m not…” Something seemed to register in his mind as his face fell again and he let out a heavy sigh. He leant forward in his chair, sparkling eyes eating into his mum’s own tearful expression. “Is it about my scars? They’re fine mamá. They happened a long time ago and there were these healing pod things that-”

“It’s not about the scars, hijo,” That time his mum had spoken so fast that Lance was sure she was trying to drown out his space talk. If she had taken a loaded gun to his heart and shot a bullet right through it, it would have hurt less. Lance loved space and he loved Voltron. Talking about it was one of the only things that had made him happy: it gave his life so much more _ meaning_. He could ramble for hours and hours about the different aliens he had seen and the adventures he’d been on but, there his mum was, raining on his beautiful sunny day. “You’re going to speak to a psychologist.”

You can only imagine what it’s like for your family to completely dismiss something you’ve said. Lance’s entire world was Voltron at that point but, still, his mum didn’t believe him. She was sending him to a _ psychologist _ because she would rather believe her own son was insane than to trust what he had said about space. That idea alone was enough to encourage tears to break free and stream down his face.

“You- You think… mamá… I promise I’m not lying to you,” Lance was shaking like a leaf, full of desperation as he mentally begged his mum to listen to him. He reached out and latched onto the bottom of his mum’s jacket like a small child who was afraid of losing his parents. In a way, he was that child. He was petrified of losing the ones he loved as a result of their distrust for him. _ What if they put him in an asylum? What if no one believed him about Voltron? What then? He couldn’t exactly prove it to them. _“I’m okay. I didn’t experience any trauma or whatever you think happened. Please… just trust me.”

“Lance…”

“They’re going to take me away from you,” Lance let out a hiccup that soon escalated into a full on sob. He buried his head into his hands to muffle the noise but a couple of the other people in the waiting room turned to look at them regardless, half in concern and half in annoyance. “I can’t tell them the truth. They won’t believe me. They’ll think I’m insane and- and- and-”

Lance's mum opened her mouth to say something but shut it again, only opening it again moments later after she was able to rethink her words. “These sessions are confidential so nobody needs to know what you tell the psychologist about. They won’t lock you up unless they think you’re a danger to yourself or others which you aren’t. If you hate this session so much, you don’t have to come back. Just speak to them this once for me, alright?”

Despite letting out another cry, Lance forced himself to nod. His dad walked towards them at that exact moment, only seeing his crying son and concerned wife. Once he leant against the wall beside Lance’s chair, he placed a gentle hand on Lance’s shoulder and sent him the reassuring smile he needed.

“Lance McClain?” A doctor called, poking his head out of his room. Lance subconsciously began gripping his mum’s jacket with much more force as he wished he could stay by her side forever. He couldn’t though. He had to face the psychologist alone.

Once his parents both nodded at him in encouragement, Lance followed the doctor back into his room, trying his hardest to hold back more tears.

-

“Just so you know, everything you say in here is completely confidential. Your parents won’t know and I won’t even tell my colleagues unless we believe you are a danger to yourself or the people around you. Is that okay?” The doctor, who had already introduced himself as Dr Anderson, seemed nice enough. He appeared to be in his mid-fifties and had round glasses sat on top of his overly pointy nose. Lance assumed that thing would have been able to pop a balloon if the psychologist tried hard enough. A constant smile adorned his face and his cheeks were bright with life, contrasting the deep wrinkles covering his forehead. He was wearing a shirt with the top two buttons undone, a style that wasn’t the most common of his age. Within minutes, Lance was able to decide that Dr Anderson wasn’t like any other fifty year old man. There was youth hidden in his heart that was desperate to break out of its cage and come to life.

“That’s fine.” Lance murmured, staring at the wall behind Dr Anderson as opposed to the doctor himself. He already knew Dr Anderson wouldn’t understand the way he was feeling; not with a smile as wide as his.

“So tell me a little bit about yourself, Lance.” The way Dr Anderson leaned forward and raised his eyebrows, as if he _ really _ cared, made Lance feel a little nauseated. He could predict what the session was going to consist of and it wasn’t a friendly exchange: it was going to be Lance telling Dr Anderson about space whilst Dr Anderson wrote the word _ insane _ down on his stupid notebook. Lance understood that Voltron seemed bizarre but he knew he hadn’t made it up. He wouldn’t.

“Uh… what do you want to know?”

“Anything. What’s your favourite colour? Are you in college? Do you have a girlfriend? Just tell me whatever pops into your head so we can get to know a bit about each other.”

Lance shifted in his seat, moving so he was able to balance his arm on the side of the chair and then his head on his hand. “My favourite colour is blue and I was in highschool until last year but then I… kind of… left, I guess? I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment but I feel like I should tell you to stop being heteronormative because I’m bi.”

“I suppose that was a bit insensitive of me, I apologise. Now, tell me, why did you leave high school?”

Chewing on the bottom of his lip, Lance debated the pros and cons of telling the truth. Eventually, he decided that, as long as the doctor kept his promise of things staying confidential, there wasn’t much harm in telling the truth. He cleared his throat as he debated the right way to phrase his thoughts. “It’s a long story really but I… I went to space.”

“Did you? That sounds really fun.” Lance had to suppress the urge for his mouth to drop open. Dr Anderson didn’t move to make any notes and the smile remained etched onto his face. He didn’t argue or tell Lance he was making it all up, he just sat there as if he was willing to listen. A grin tugging at his own lips, Lance prepared himself to start rambling about the place that he loved without fear of judgement.

“Yeah, it was. I went to the Galaxy Garrison so I was training to be a pilot anyway. Finally making it up there was amazing. It was all so pretty and I was so happy to be surrounded by so many cool people.”

“That’s nice,” Dr Anderson glanced down at the pieces of paper in his hands and sifted through them for a moment, though he didn’t make any effort to jot any notes down. “When your mum got in contact with me, she seemed worried about you. Do you know why this may be?”

Lance stared a hole into his lap and began picking at a loose thread in his jacket. A frown filled his face as he recalled the thousands of concerned looks his parents had given him since he had gotten home. The sound of his mum’s sobs behind closed doors bounced off the walls of his mind, echoing and slowly fading out until Lance was left lightheaded. “She thinks I made it up.”

“Why would she think that?”

“Because I didn’t just go into space. I found a blue lion spaceship here on Earth and it chose me to be its paladin. It flew me and some other people into space because we were chosen to defeat an evil race of aliens.”

Despite the bizarre nature of Lance’s statement, Dr Anderson’s face didn’t change. It remained frozen in its small smile and eyes like honey. “I see. Can you tell me more about the other people you were with? Did you know them prior to the trip to space?”

“I knew Hunk. He was my best friend before we left. Then there was Pidge and Keith who I knew from the Garrison but never really befriended. Keith was a bit of a loner and Pidge talked about science so much that I couldn’t keep up,” Dr Anderson let out an exhale of breath that sounded suspiciously like a laugh but Lance couldn’t have been sure. Either way, it pushed Lance forward. “There was also Shiro who taught at the Garrison but he went missing before we found him again… it’s really complicated. Oh and we met two aliens, Allura and Coran.”

“Where are they all now?”

“Different places really. Coran is trying to increase the size of the coalition and Hunk and Pidge are working on building another Castle of Lions. They were also going to make Shiro a new prosthetic arm. I think Keith is helping the Blade of Mamora.”

“Castle of Lions? Blade of Mamora?”

“Yeah. It’s complicated but the Castle of Lions was a massive castle that belonged to Allura. Did I mention she was a princess? But yeah, we had to destroy the castle one time when the lions didn’t have any power. I miss it a lot. The Blade of Mamora is just this organisation thing that rebel against the Galra and also help defend the universe.”

“So are they all still in space?” Lance simply nodded so Dr Anderson raised a second question. He let his smile falter for a second as he asked, “Do you miss them?”

Lance let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes so he could imagine each of their faces again. He could picture Pidge sitting at her laptop, hacking into things she chose against disclosing most of the time. She could imagine Hunk in the kitchen, Keith in the training room with that rigid look of concentration on his face, Shiro commanding the team, Coran performing on stage and Allura… Allura standing up for what she believed in. Once Lance realised he had gotten lost inside his own head, he forced his eyes open and mumbled out an answer. “A lot. Me and Keith were only just starting to get along before…”

“Before what?”

“_I’m afraid this is where we part ways. This is our only chance to undo what has been done; to save all of existence. I have to take it. It is my purpose. Your paths go on… Mine ends here. I’ll always be with you, Lance… and I’ll always love you. _” The words rushed through Lance’s head so quickly that he was surprised they didn’t give him whiplash. He hunched over his chair, covering his ears with his hands to try and drown out the sound of Allura’s voice. 

“I- I don’t think I can talk about it.” Lance’s voice was weak and each word seemed to crack into oblivion. Dr Anderson must have understood the pain inside his heart because he spoke up again.

“That’s okay. How about we move on?” Lance just about mustered a nod. “Alright… Why do you think your family don’t believe you went to space?”

Lance blinked away the tears forming in his eyes and shifted his position yet again. He was struggling to get comfortable on the hard chair and underneath the gaze of the psychologist. “They think I was kidnapped or something. I know the stuff with the aliens sounds crazy but I know it happened. I wouldn’t make it up.”

“No, I’m sure you wouldn’t, Lance,” Dr Anderson paused for a moment to jot something down in his notebook. Lance let his gaze rise higher in an attempt to read the handwriting but he couldn’t quite make it out. He was 99% sure that it said the words _ insane _ or _ a danger to himself_. “Will your friends be coming back to Earth?”

“I don’t know. I can’t contact them at the moment.”

“And why’s that?”

“They said it was too dangerous in case someone intercepted our messages.”

“Okay… are you paranoid that people are watching you and listening to your conversations?”

Lance didn’t need to be a genius to figure out that the doctor was trying to label him with _ paranoia _ or _ schizophrenia _or something. He had every reason to be paranoid. “Well, not exactly but we have to be careful. If the wrong people figure out who I am or where the others are, it could be bad. It’s top secret information.”

“Right,” Just the way Dr Anderson said that simple word made it sound like he didn’t believe Lance. “Whilst I was talking to your mother earlier, she told me about some scarring she was worried about. Could you show me? If you don’t feel comfortable, that’s okay.”

“I’m not ashamed of it,” Lance murmured before turning around and pulling his shirt up to reveal his back. Dr Anderson nodded as his eyes traced the different types of scars. “I got the biggest one saving Coran’s life. If I hadn’t been there, I think he would have died.”

“What about the others?”

“Being the paladin of the universe isn’t easy so I most likely got them on our little missions. I don’t remember every single one’s backstory.”

“Do you get nightmares? About the pain or anything like that?”

“Sometimes…” Lance seemed to lose the confidence in his posture again as he hid his face from the psychologist. “But I can’t talk about it. It’s too personal.”

“That’s okay. I think you have done very well for our first session. Do you plan on returning next week?”

Lance shrugged, not moving his hands from his face. His words were muffled by his hands. “I don’t know. It’s up to my parents really.”

“No, Lance, it’s up to you. If you think you’ll benefit from seeing me again, you can come back. If not, the you don’t need to.”

“I guess I’ll see you next week then… if that’s okay?” Lance’s decision was made entirely with his parents in his mind; he didn’t want to keep worrying them. If it took a half an hour session once a week to put his parents’ minds at ease, he’d do it.

“Is the same time alright?” Lance lifted his head up, nodded and forced a smile. “I’ll see you then. It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.”

Lance pushed the door open and met eyes with his parents who were staring at him with cloudy eyes. His mum was up first, rushing towards him and blurting out a series of random questions. “How’d it go? Did it go alright? Is your psychologist nice? Did you feel comfortable talking to him?”

Dropping his gaze to his feet, Lance muttered the response, “It was fine.” His mum didn’t push him to speak any more. Even she was aware of how tough it must be for her son.


	4. Parting Ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, I have officially completed the second draft of this book so now all I need to do is upload it! Hopefully you are glad to hear that this is the longest book I have ever written and it hits an amazing 80,000 words. 81,077 to be exact :D I'm very proud of it.

Having meals with his family was something Lance had dreamed of when he was in space. He craved his mum’s homemade dinners and missed his family’s recounts of their days. Veronica always had something to say about her crush- Lance knew everything about her down to the colour of her eyes (hazel with some grey flecks)- and his parents always complained about their jobs. Luis was usually too busy eating to comment but, on the odd occasion, he’d bring up something that happened at school or a new video his favourite YouTuber had posted. The atmosphere of family dinners was one of Lance’s favourites. However, at that moment, they had somehow become his _ least _ favourite.

The tension was thick in the air, weighing down everyone around the table. Lance’s mum was clinging to desperate attempts at conversation as she asked how everyone’s days had been. Lance zoned out before anyone could respond, pushing his food around on his plate. It had once been his favourite meal but something about the atmosphere was making Lance feel too nauseated to eat.

When Veronica hit her elbow against Lance’s, he assumed it was his turn to reply. He looked up from his food, just to mumble, “It was fine.” In reality, it had been incredibly boring. He had laid in bed until his parents had dragged him to the psychologist's and had gotten straight back into bed when he got home. His own thoughts running circles in his head made him feel exhausted most of the time; there was something about his family not trusting him that put him down.

“You’ve hardly touched your food.” His dad pointed out, as if it was a Sherlock Holmes’ level observation and not just plain obvious.

“Do you not like it?”

Once upon a time, Lance would have basked in the attention but, after everything that had happened, he couldn’t do that anymore. Everyone’s gazes on him might as well have been fire burning him with how uncomfortable they were making him feel. An intensity washed over him that told him _ he was going to be sick_. It came out of nowhere but was enough of a warning for Lance to pull himself up. Not wanting to worry his family, Lance kept his face as straight as possible as he headed to the bathroom. He was only just able to shut the door and dive towards the toilet before he was throwing up what little he had eaten.

After he’d finished, he relaxed onto his knees. His breaths were heavy and his throat was on fire but he was simply relieved not to be vomiting anymore. 

A long moment passed before someone knocked on the bathroom door. That someone was confirmed to be his mother when she asked, “Are you alright? You’ve been in there a while.”

“I’m fi-” Lance tried to lie but that just so happened to be the exact moment he retched again. Upon hearing it, his mum shoved the door open.

“Hijo…” She rubbed Lance’s back until that second wave of nausea passed. Then she asked a question Lance could never have predicted which made him feel sick for a completely different reason. “Did you make yourself sick? Tell me the truth.”

“No, of course I didn’t!” Lance’s surprise was apparent in the raised volume of his voice.

“Promise me. Please.”

Lance turned his head to make direct eye contact so she knew he meant every word. “I promise, mamá.”

“Okay.” The frown on her face seemed to suggest that she didn’t believe Lance but he hadn’t expected anything less.

-

_ “I’m afraid this is where we part ways,” Allura spoke, voice solemn. Each of the paladins stared at her with frowns across their faces and thin, sorrowful eyes. _

_ “Wait, what?” Lance responded, at the exact same Keith forced out a broken, “Allura?” _

_ “This is our only chance to undo what has been done; to save all of existence. I have to take it. It is my purpose,” Lance’s mouth fell open as tears began to well in his eyes. “Your paths go on… Mine ends here.” _

_ “But there is no Voltron without you…” Hunk murmured, voice much quieter than it had ever been. He sounded so nervous and hurt as Allura stepped into his vision. _

_ “Voltron isn’t needed anymore. The rest of the work is up to the people and they’ll have you to guide them, Hunk.” Allura placed a hand on Hunk’s cheek before pulling him into a hug. Almost instantaneously, tears began to plummet down in his cheeks like a pair of perfect waterfalls. _

_ Allura turned to Pidge as Hunk wiped away his tears in an attempt to compose himself. “Goodbye, Pidge...” She spoke up again. _

_ “I’m going to miss you, Allura.” Pidge avoided eye contact, knowing she was also on the verge of crying. _

_ “Remain curious and fearless.” Pidge choked out a sob as Allura enveloped her in a hug that time. She buried her head into the princess’s shoulder, tears streaming down her face. _

_ “Most of them won’t know the sacrifice you made so they could live.” Shiro muttered, voice a monotone. Even when losing another, he still felt the need to be strong for the sake of his team; as their leader. _

_ “And they’ll never need to,” Allura’s breath hitched. “Your selflessness taught me that. Thank you...” It was Allura and Shiro’s turn to hug, Shiro’s eyes falling shut as he tried his hardest not to cry. _

_ “You’ll never have to thank me for anything…” Between each word, Shiro paused, unsure whether he could carry on speaking without breaking down. He forced a smile as they parted. _

_ “Keith, I cannot thank you enough for all you’ve given me.” Allura walked towards the original red paladin, meeting his gaze. _

_ “Allura, when you accepted me, it helped me to accept myself,” Even Keith sounded like he was on the verge of tears which was unusual for someone who avoided showing emotion most of the time. “Thank you.” _

_ “There is greatness inside your heart and in your actions.” _

_ Allura stepped towards Lance, grabbing both of his hands with her own. He looked into her eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat that was trying its hardest to release a sob. “No, Allura, the- there- there has to be another way,” Lance choked out, voice quivering. _

_ Allura avoided his gaze and stared down at their conjoined hands. “There is no other way,” Finally, she looked up. “This is all we have.” _

_ “But you’re too important to the cause, you-” Lance was unable to continue as his breath hitched and tears flooded from his eyes. “You’re too important to me.” _

_ “I’ll always be with you, Lance… and I’ll always love you.” Allura’s voice cracked as she raised her hand and cupped Lance’s cheek. Both leant their head forward just far enough to press their lips together and share their final kiss. _

_ In the distance, light exploded and lit up the area around them. Each looked into it until the shadows of the former paladins came into view. Each were standing there, welcoming smiles on their face as they waited for Allura to join them. Together, Allura and Honerva walked towards them. They were absorbed by the light whilst Lance and the rest of Team Voltron could only watch. _

Lance jolted up, his breathing heavy. His heart was pounding like a drum inside his chest whilst tears were silently streaming down his cheeks. He let out a heavy sob before realising the rest of his family was still asleep and covering his mouth with his hand. He gripped onto his covers with all of his might as he tried his hardest to control his breathing. Squeezing his eyes shut, he counted each inhale and exhale.

Allura’s words, “_I’ll always love you_,” circled around his head. Around and around and around… It was like a broken record that continuously played the soundtrack of a horror movie on loop without anybody bothering to fix it. With the way everything was going, Lance wouldn’t have been surprised if he had somehow been thrown into the middle of a horror or thriller movie.

Once the tears subsided about half an hour later, he was left with a dull ache on his cheeks. Once he forced himself up onto his feet and stumbled into the bathroom to wash his face, he couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his mouth. Above his sink was a large mirror that made it clear enough that Lance’s cheeks were adorned with two blue Altean marks that glowed, even under the harsh light of the bathroom. With shaky hands, Lance traced them with the tip of his finger. They didn’t feel any different to skin, apart from the fact that they were like ice. Compared to the heat the rest of his face was emitting, they might as well have been the same temperature as the sea on a winter’s day. Tears began to dribble down his cheeks all over again as he closed his eyes and recalled the girl he loved. Allura had been the one to give him the marks. _ How weren’t they supposed to remind him of her? _It was like he was thrown into a torture chamber with the torturous weaponry being two tiny marks on his cheek that mocked him.

Lance thought the marks would never come back. After Lance and Allura’s final kiss, they had come to life but, along with the princess, they had soon vanished. He had no idea what had made them disappear or what had encouraged them to return but they were there. Lance was _ sure _ he wasn’t imagining it. He could feel them and see them so there was no way it was simply part of that dream world his parents had assumed he had created.

Opening his eyes and making eye contact with the fragile boy in the mirror he could barely recognise anymore, Lance hunched over. He let out a loud sob that shook the small room, yearning for the marks to go away again.

When Lance woke up the next morning, the marks were gone. There was no way for him to tell whether it had been some messed up nightmare or if they had really made an appearance. It might have been a result of the influence of his parents but he was beginning to grow sceptical of his own mind.


	5. Bentley

“Officer Bentley, we are assigning you this case,” The Captain slid a thick folder of paper towards Bentley, giving him some time to sift through it for a few moments. It was full of different papers, all full of notes and profiles of different people that even Bentley recognised. Anyone who didn’t know of the famous _ McClain, Kogane, Garret _ and _ Holt _ missing persons cases had to live under a rock deep beneath the ocean. They had been broadcasted on the news for weeks after their disappearance so their faces were etched into most people’s minds. The first sheet of paper was filled with information about _ Henry Griffin_, a teacher that had also gone missing around about the same time as the children. “Henry Griffin went missing on the 13th of April three years ago. After a year, officers closed the case because they were unable to find any evidence of a killer or potential kidnapper.” Bentley leaned forward in his chair, making direct eye contact with his superior so he knew he was listening to his every word.

“Why open it back up again?”

The Captain cleared his throat before taking the file from Bentley. He pulled out the students’s profiles so their faces were on view to the world. “Because of these four.”

“Is there a reason you think these kids are related to the disappearance of a respected teacher?”

“Each of them were students at the Galaxy Garrison and this one,” The Captain used his index finger to point at the only student whose picture featured a long scowl. He looked like he was glaring at the camera, rendering him unapproachable and looking far from kind. “He had Griffin as a teacher,” Bentley nodded. He wasn’t one to judge a book by its cover but that student looked like a troublemaker. “It isn’t often that people go missing for long periods of time like this but five people in one town? It’s unlikely. There has to be some sort of link.”

“I agree… could they have been targeted by the same person?”

“That’s up to you to investigate,” Bentley crossed his legs and shuffled back in his chair. He started to flick through the documents he had been given again, taking particular interest in the photographs of the missing students. The pictures had been taken from the Galaxy Garrison’s database so each were grinning widely with their bright, orange uniforms on. All but one, a certain _ Keith Kogane _, Bentley came to realise, who was the one scowling as if he hated the world. There was a distinct kind of darkness behind his eyes which sparked a small fire of curiosity in Bentley’s chest. He would certainly be interesting to look into. “We have been notified that one of the children have been found too. Lance McClain. His parents have insisted that we investigate further and, should we wish to speak to them or their son, they will happily oblige.”

“Interesting.” Bentley’s police officer brain was doing spirals, questions diffusing through deep parts of his mind. _ Why would only one of them come back? Did they escape? Were they in a fit state for an interview? Were they traumatised? Did they have any information? Why did they come back now? Why not a week ago? Why not next week? _

“I really think this case could be your breakthrough,” The Captain balanced his head on his hands and smiled at the other officer. “If you can get to the bottom of this, everyone will you know your name.”

“Of course. Who hasn’t heard of this disappearance? I promise I’ve got this, Sir. I’m going to do you proud.”

“Good luck, Officer Bentley.” With that, the Captain held out his hand for Bentley to shake. When he did, Bentley couldn’t help the heat rushing to his cheeks. It was rare that the Captain shook hands with anyone and it was a sign of serious respect that made Bentley want to hold his head high. They exchanged a curt nod before Bentley walked out of the office. He made his way over to his desk and only then let himself celebrate. He punched the air and shook his hips, a grin filling his face. He only stopped dancing when someone cleared their throat and he realised he wasn’t alone.

“Nice dancing,” His colleague, Robin, commented. Her lips had quirked up into a half-smile that made Bentley’s face flush red. He dropped down into his swivel chair with a lot less enthusiasm, shoulders hunching over. “Come on, Bentley, it’s a joke. What’s got you so happy anyway?”

“Cap' assigned me a case.”

“Let me guess, petty theft? Some kids vandalising property?” Bentley wished he could wipe that dumb smirk from Robin’s face because its only purpose was to degrade him. Being the newest member and a stickler for the rules, Bentley had never been the most popular in the precinct. Most of the other officers were much more laid back and had been there long enough to be familiar with everyone’s families and hobbies. Bentley had hardly known their first names whilst they had inside joke nicknames for everyone. It was like he was back at school and bullied all over again… but this case… it was his time to prove to them that he was on the same level as them.

“Nope,” Bentley smirked to redeem himself. Robin raised her eyebrows in curiosity, though she would never have expected what Bentley said next. “It was a potential kidnapping and murder.”

“Well shit, he must think you’re capable. I just get stuck with robbery. Nothing as interesting as murder.”

“Yup,” Bentley would have added something about how Captain must like him more as _ he _ was assigned the job but he didn’t want to stoop as low as Robin. His mother had always taught him that fighting back only made him as bad as the bullies. He wasn’t like them. In addition to that, they weren’t in a playground anymore. They were officers, in their job, having to maintain professionalism. “If I want to get home by midnight tonight, I better get reading."

“You better.” Robin nodded and forced a smile before turning to her desk. Bentley just caught a glimpse of the sadness hidden in Robin’s irises, confirming his mother’s perception that bullies had their own insecurities.

Pulling the papers out of the file, Bentley began to sift through them. He started with the profile of the student that was sat on top: _ Tsuyoshi Garret. _ Reports had already been given by the Garrison, including his grades and how his behaviour was ranked in the class.

He seemed to be a straight-A student and had an almost perfect behavioural record, with the exception of one bad behaviour mark given for being caught sneaking out of the building with another student. According to one of his teacher’s accounts, Garret suffered from crippling anxiety that often hindered him in the simulators but, with the exception of that, he was generally a high performer and never left any students out. “_Too kind for his own good_,” Bentley noted down underneath a heading of Garret.

Next was Katie Holt who appeared to have attended the Garrison under an alias known as _ Pidge Gunderson_. Her grades had been perfect but her behavioural report was far from it. In the past, she had been banned from the Garrison as a result of sneaking into the premises on multiple occasions and attempting to hack into their databases. Something Bentley also made a note of was her brother’s death, following a pilot failure on the Kerberos mission. That kind of incident was most likely behind her bad behaviour, though it didn’t excuse it.

Thirdly was Keith Kogane, a boy that had a behavioural report that was about as long as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, jam packed with different incidents. His grades were mediocre with the exception of his almost immaculate performances on the simulators. It seemed he was much better in practice than in theory. After sifting through the incidents Kogane had been involved in, he found a significant pattern. The first incident was a fight between himself and another boy his age known as _ James Griffin_. According to the notes, Griffin had made a sideways comment about Kogane’s heritage. After reading into it further, Bentley came to realise that Kogane had been in foster homes since the age of eight.

As he read further into it, he noticed that Kogane got into frequent fights with his peers, clearly not getting along with them. That was most likely the result of his insecure and inconsistent upbringing. Up until a point, they had mainly been with that one boy- _ Griffin- _ but they suddenly stopped about half way through Keith’s first year. Then the fights seemed to be with random people, apart from one exception where he had hit Commander Iverson. Apparently that had almost resulted in Kogane’s expulsion but hadn’t because a higher-up, _ Takashi Shirogane_, had stepped in to prevent it. He had seen the potential Kogane’s piloting skills.

The frequency of the fighting increased substantially after the date of the Kerberos mission. The notes told Bentley that Takashi Shirogane had come to mentor Kogane, the pilot who made the mistake that cost him and his team the whole mission. The absence of his mentor most likely lead to him acting up again.

With Kogane’s past with Henry Griffin’s son, Bentley couldn’t help but wonder if Kogane had somehow been involved in his disappearance. He certainly seemed capable of something as terrible as kidnapping.

Last up was Lance McClain. It was easy enough for Bentley to gather that he was a rather outgoing and confident boy: that much was apparent in the almost cocky grin he was wearing in his school photo. His grades were about the same standard as Keith’s, though he appeared to underperform and fail most of his simulations. His behavioural log suggested that McClain sneaked out of the school building a lot and got caught most times, though that was most likely due to him being a teenage boy wishing to rebel. It didn’t shock Bentley as much as Kogane’s constant urge to get into fist fights.

Right at the back of the folder was a piece of paper where the officer who had spoken to Lance McClain’s parents had jotted down some notes. From what Bentley could gather, McClain was refusing to tell anyone what he had experienced and had made up some bizarre story about going into space that was more than obviously delusional. That meant interviewing him most likely wasn’t going to get anywhere at that moment. McClain was also seeing a psychologist, something that seemed significant. A trauma such as kidnapping or witnessing murder probably had the potential to traumatise someone into making up something so crazy as a trip into space.

Bentley decided that it might be worth investigating Kogane’s residence as a start, with his dodgy history and all. He’d work forward from there.

-

Bentley ducked beneath the bright yellow _ police line do not cross _ tape, beginning to walk around the scene and inspect everything in his view. It was his first case regarding a kidnapping and potential murder so he had to get it right. _ He had to prove to the Captain that he was a worthy detective._ He wasn’t quite Sherlock Holmes or Connor from Detroit Become Human but he was _ Bentley_. Bentley didn’t make haisty assumptions; nor did he make mistakes. He took things slowly so he could analyse anything and everything, no matter how tedious. Is there a pair of earphones on the floor? To a normal person, that would seem like nothing but strangulation using them couldn’t be ruled out. Well… not unless the victim didn’t display any signs of strangulation…

Forensics had already been through the place, dusting for fingerprints in what appeared to be the most significant places. They had come to the conclusion that each of the missing children had been in the small shack at some point on the last day they had been seen. What was even more interesting was the fact that they found fingerprints that belonged to none other than Takashi Shirogane.

Already thinking it was suspicious since Shirogane had supposedly been killed on a mission into space, Bentley had arranged a meeting with the head teacher of the Galaxy Garrison. They had talked for well over an hour over a pot of tea until Bentley had drained all of the truth from him. The ‘pilot error’ that had apparently cost the Kerberos mission, had only been a cover-up and they didn’t actually know what happened to those on board the ship. They didn’t have any records of the ship ever arriving on Kerberos so it was likely they had gone missing somewhere along the way… but where? Dozens of people had watched the ship take off and it was unlikely that Shirogane had been kidnapped somewhere in the sky. A top pilot and scientist, along with the scientist’s eldest son who had amazing potential and they didn’t want it to get out to the rest of the world.

“_Just imagine the publicity we’d have got,_” The headteacher had said, refusing to make eye contact with Bentley. That avoidance alone made it clear that even he was embarrassed about what the Garrison had done. “_Takashi Shirogane was one of the youngest pilots of our generation to lead a journey into space and we… we lost him. We don’t know where he went. No one would ever want to attend this school again… we’d get shut down and we’re _ this _ close to revolutionising space travel. We can’t stop now._”

What Bentley had proposed inside his own mind was Shirogane’s involvement. Was there a possibility that he lead the crime? Did he purposely throw the Kerberos mission so he could get away undetected to kidnap the children? With Kogane’s destructive past and his relationship with Shirogane, Bentley couldn’t deny that there was a high possibility. 

Bentley mapped it all out. He could see Kogane falling out with the teacher, letting his anger get the better of him and accidentally knocking him out. As Shirogane was his mentor, he could have cared enough for Keith to help him cover up. That could have lead to him throwing the mission, kidnapping the children and then running away with Kogane. _It made so much sense…_all Bentley needed was the evidence; if you knew what you were looking for, that would be simple.


	6. The Marks

A few weeks of weekly meetings with Dr Anderson passed for Lance. He found that, every night, after his recurring nightmare reminding him about Allura’s death, he woke up with the Altean marks. When he discovered them, he didn’t stop crying until the tears had lulled him to sleep like some sort of messed up lullaby. In the morning, Lance would stumble out of his bed to the mirror in the bathroom but the marks were always gone by then. A tiny part of him wondered if the marks were Allura’s way of comforting him from wherever she had ended up after the sacrifice. The thought was nice but Lance knew he was just trying to latch onto the only fragments of hope he could reach.

Life seemed gradual. Lance got absorbed in the routine of being stuck in his house with his family with them on his every case. _ Lance, have you eaten dinner? How are you feeling? How much sleep did you get last night? _ It was nice to know people cared but sometimes Lance just wanted to be in his own company: the questions got tedious after awhile. It was almost like his family didn’t trust him on his own, as _ someone _ was always with him. If his parents were working or had gone out, Luis or Veronica would sit with him and force him to play stupid board games or video games. If Luis and Veronica were at school, his parents would keep him busy with chores or they’d ask him to watch a movie.

Then, one day, everything got flipped on its head.

Lance had just been scrolling through Tumblr and listening to music when his mum had pushed his bedroom door open. He turned his head to face her, pulling the earphones out of his ears so he could listen to what she had to say. He expected her to ask if he wanted tea or if he wanted a movie; he certainly didn’t expect what actually came out of her mouth. “Lance, the police are here to speak to you,” She forced a smile but that didn’t ease the anxiety swirling inside Lance’s chest. _ He thought his parents understood that he didn’t want to speak to the police. Why were they showing up at his house all of a sudden? _ Clearly seeing Lance’s fearful expression, his mum continued to explain. “Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong. They just want some information.”

“I thought you were starting to believe me, mamá…” Lance slammed his laptop shut and refused to meet the gaze of his mum in an attempt to block her from seeing his frown.

“I am, hijo… the police just need to know what happened. They think they’ve found some more evidence for the case.”

A lump began to form in Lance’s throat. “There is no case… how do… how do they have evidence?”

“Three kids are missing. There is a case.”

“No… I know where they are. I’ve already told you. They’re in-”

“Lance, imagine how their families feel… you know how much Hunk’s family worries but with their son missing too? They’re probably making themselves sick with worry. As for the other two, I’m sure their families are in the same boat.” Lance could just about imagine Hunk’s mum chewing on her nails like she always did when he and Hunk had been late home after curfew as kids. She always seemed to jump to the worst conclusion, assuming that if they were five minutes late, something terrible must have happened. 

“Maybe I should speak to their families. I could tell them that they’re all safe and…” Lance trailed off when his mum slowly shook her head.

“Fine… I’ll talk to them but I’m going to tell them the truth. I’m not making it up and you will understand that one day. Why would I make something so crazy up?” Lance pulled himself up with an exaggerated sigh, heading straight downstairs to the living room. A single policeman was sat on the sofa, fully clad in his uniform. He had a bushy moustache lining the top of his lip that almost looked like one of the ones you’d buy from a joke shop and slap on with a sticky underside. He was wearing a pair of thick sunglasses, despite them being indoors under artificial light. Lance’s dad was sat opposite him, talking to him about some sports that had been on the TV the night previous. His dad had tried to rope him into watching it but Lance would rather have been kidnapped for real than to have to watch an hour and a half of dramatic people who earned way too much money kicking a ball around.

“And you must be Lance,” The policeman stood up and held out his hand for Lance to shake. Lance stared at it for a moment before forcing a smile and shaking it. “It’s nice to meet you. My name is Officer Bentley.” Lance nodded before sitting down beside his dad. He ensured to keep about a quarter of a metre of space between them. “We know this has been difficult for you but we need you to submit a statement.” His soft voice was sickly like a piece of too-chocolatey cake that made you want to throw up. It was obviously forced; it wasn’t like Lance_ needed _ sympathy either. They had no idea what had happened in space and it wasn’t anywhere near as traumatic as everyone seemed to think it was.

“I don’t want to submit a statement.”

The officer’s kind demeanour seemed to drop for a few seconds before he pulled it back up. “We need you to. You’ve been missing all this time and three other children are still out there.”

“I don’t know what you think happened but I wasn’t kidnapped or whatever.”

“We know that’s what you’ve been saying but,” The policeman leaned forward, eyes suddenly thinning as the ‘good cop’ image vanished into thin air. “Families have been torn apart and you could put their minds at ease. If you know anything, you need to come forward.”

“They’re in space,” Lance admitted, letting out a dramatic huff. He made sure his voice was a complete monotone so it was objectively serious. “I’ve told you already.”

“Oh, of course. They’re in space. Hilarious. Now tell me where you really went for that year you went missing.”

“Space.”

“This isn’t a game, kid. Those kids could be dead.”

“I know they’re not!” Lance didn’t mean to raise his voice but he was just so _ frustrated._ He knew Pidge, Hunk and Keith were all still in space, flying their lions, very much alive.

Lance’s dad placed a hand on his knee, eyes softening into a sympathetic look. “Come on, Lance. Tell him all you know.”

“I’m trying! No one will believe me!”

“We think this is a kidnapping case and there could potentially be murder involved. We need you to tell us everything.”

Lance barked out a shaky laugh but the officer didn’t appear to be joking. The sheer idea of his friends being kidnapped and murdered seemed fairly bizarre when Lance had seen them not so long ago. There wasn’t even the slightest chance that any of them were dead. “What evidence could you possibly have for that?”

“We found evidence of your fingerprints, along with the three other children in Kogane’s shack in the desert. We know that, roughly a few hours after you all disappeared from the Garrison, you were all there together. The Garrison have already admitted that Takashi Shirogane’s death was a cover up and we think he may have kidnapped each of you, considering you all have ties with the school. We think Kogane might have potentially lured you to the shack and assisted Shirogane, considering their relationship and his destructive past.”

“That’s bullshit. Shiro wouldn’t do that. He’s the most kind-hearted person I know,” As someone who had spent so much time in space with Shiro, Lance knew him better than anyone else on Earth. He was aware that Shiro was as soft as a teddy bear and only hurt people when he really needed to. He was protective of the ones he loved and acted as the father of the other paladins up in space. There was no way he was a criminal. “And Keith? He may seem impulsive and rude but he’s a good guy beneath it all.” Lance had to admit that he had thought Keith was a bit of a jerk the first few times they had met but, once you tapped away at Keith’s hard shell, you found someone who had a massive heart but a truckful of trust issues too.

The policeman shook his head, taking a long sip of the coffee Lance’s mum had brought him. The bags beneath his eyes suggested that he needed as much caffeine as he could get a hold of. It made sense that the case kept him up at night because it consisted of a bunch of dead ends. There wasn’t any evidence: _ there wasn’t any case. _ “We need you to come to the station so you can make an official statement.”

Lance’s mum waved the policeman over before whispering something into his ear. Lance knew he wasn’t supposed to be able to hear but it was heard not to when they were a few metres away.

“Maybe you should speak to his psychologist. Lance seems to think those sessions are going well so maybe he knows something. Lance won’t tell us anything except that stuff about space and… we’re really worried.”

Lance scowled and glared at his lap. He wished that someone- _ anyone _ \- would believe him because he was telling the truth. _ Did his family not trust him? _

“I’m sure you are, ma’am. We would appreciate it if you gave us his psychologist’s details.”

Lance’s mum backed up with a forced smile, ignoring Lance’s frustrated appearance. “I’m not crazy.” Lance murmured, though it went unheard as his dad got up and started to speak.

“I think that’s enough for today. I think Lance is getting stressed and needs some more time.”

“I don’t need time! I know what happened! We went to space. Why won’t any of you believe me? I’m telling the truth!”

The policeman let out a sigh that basically screamed exhaustion before holding out a card with a phone number scrawled across it. Lance might as well have been screaming at a brick wall for how much his opinion was acknowledged. “If you think of anything- and I mean _ anything _\- that might help the case, give us a call. Someone will pick up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, got it?”

Despite Lance’s mind urging him to keep shouting to get his point across, he just hung his head and mumbled a tiny, “yeah.” 


	7. Keith

“Lance, you have to wake up…” A soft voice jolted Lance from his slumber and encouraged his eyes to flicker open. Once the sleepiness had passed and he had blinked a couple of times, it finally registered that Keith’s face was just centimetres from his own. His bedroom light was on but Lance didn’t even question how that was the case when he had fallen asleep in darkness. “Something is going to happen and we need you.”

“You… need me…” Lance repeated, voice thick with sleep. He pulled himself up into a sitting position as he rubbed his eyes and attempted to process what was going on.  _ How did Keith even get into his room? _ Lance’s eyes flickered to his open window and that answered that question…  _ but why did Keith need him? Keith had been the one to suggest Lance getting some space and going home. Why did he want him to come back? _

“Yeah, we do. We need you Lance. You’re our sharpshooter.”

The nickname elicited Lance’s cheeks to flush red as he dropped his gaze to his own lap. He had given himself the nickname but it had never caught on. Hearing it come out of Keith’s mouth- of all people- in such a serious manner was one of the biggest compliments in the world. “What’s going on?” Lance asked once he remembered what they had really been talking about.

“Another race of alien species are trying to rebel against Voltron and all we’ve worked for. I think they plan to ruin the system somehow but I’m not sure what they’re going to do. Pidge is looking into it but we need to be ready to attack. We might need Voltron.”

“How… How are you here? I’m on Earth and you’re-”

“I’m still on Alkafa, Lance. I just needed to talk to you.”

For some reason, Lance didn’t register the impossibility of Keith’s statement. He just accepted it and moved on. “Oh, okay… When do you need me?”

“As soon as possible.” Keith started to head towards Lance’s bedroom window but his hands froze before they could even touch it. “And Lance?” Lance lifted up his head to meet Keith’s kind eyes. “We miss you. The team is falling apart without you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Shiro has nightmares almost every night, Pidge hasn’t slept in days, Hunk is anxious most of the time,” Lance always  _ had _ been the one to help Shiro through nightmares, to tell Pidge when it was time to sleep and to calm Hunk down when he had panic attacks. He had always been the rock of the team; the one who comforted the rest when they were going through hard times. “And I…” Keith broke the eye contact to look at his feet but he ended up shaking his head. “Actually, I’m fine.”

Keith’s tone of voice suggested otherwise but Lance knew not to push it too hard. It seemed that not seeing each other for so long had encouraged Keith to raise his defences again and put on the emotionless mask again. “Do you miss having me around, mullet?” Lance allowed his tone to find a glint of humour as one side of his mouth quirked up into a smirk. He expected Keith to roll his eyes or even snap something back but he didn’t.

His mouth stayed in a straight line as he looked at where his gloved hand was hovering in front of the open window. Even from where Lance was sitting on the other side of the room, he was able to see the way Keith’s eyes darkened in a way that almost made them looked teary. “Yeah…” Keith whispered so quietly that Lance almost didn’t hear. “We all do. It’s hard not having the rock of the team around when we need you most.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. We know you needed space after… what happened. Take your time healing. We can probably handle the aliens without you; I mean, it’s not like they can do much damage. They aren’t even close to the same level as the Galra.”

“I’ll come visit soon, if I can but there’s some stuff I need to figure out here first. It’s not easy for me right now.”

“I’m sure it’s not.” Keith pulled himself out of the window and lingered on the edge for a short moment. “Say hi to your family for me.” With that, he leaped down, leaving Lance to stare at the place where he had once been standing. He couldn’t help the tears filling his eyes and, eventually, dribbling down his pale face.

His cheeks were burning and he didn’t need to look in a mirror to know the marks had returned.

-

As Lance’s dad placed a plate of pancakes down on the table in front of Lance, he couldn’t help but blurt out, “Keith came to see me last night. He said hi.” He missed his parents exchanging identical concerned gazes as he moved his attention to the food. Silence diffused through the room as Lance picked up a bottle of golden syrup and shook it. He flipped it over and began to squeeze it onto the pancake, giving himself a generous dollop of the substance.

“What did he say to you?” Lance’s dad eventually asked as Lance picked up his fork and stabbed the food. He pulled a chair up beside Lance to sit beside his son and give him all of his attention. Lance was too busy eating to notice that neither of his parents had any pancakes himself. It was too late in the morning for his dad to have made Luis or Veronica any before school.

“He’s on this planet, right? It’s called Alkafa,” Lance’s dad nodded but his face remained the same. “He’s helping the coalition and spreading Voltron’s message and he told me that some aliens were planning to rebel. He said they needed my help.”

What Lance’s dad did to react didn’t register in his head until his hand jolted out and he latched onto Lance’s arm. The touch was so unexpected that Lance’s fork fell from his hand, making a loud,  _ clattering _ noise that seemed to echo around the room. “You can’t go back.” Lance had never heard his dad sound so terrified. It was about as rare as seeing Keith cry (which never happened).

Lance swallowed his mouthful. His eyebrows furrowed and he turned his head to the side in a concoction of both confusion and curiosity. “Why? I need to protect-”

“You don’t need to protect anything. You’re eighteen years old, Lance. This isn’t your responsibility,” Until that moment, Lance hadn’t noticed how drained his parents looked. His dad had thick bags under his eyes and his words were coming out so rapidly that it made his desperation apparent to the whole world. “You- You need to be around your family at the moment, okay?”

“But the universe could be in danger, papá.”

Seemingly having some sort of internal debate, his dad refused to meet his gaze for a moment. When he finally met eyes with his son again, there seemed to be a dark, seriousness hidden behind his irises. “Lance, you need to understand that you’re just one boy… a kid. This isn’t on your shoulders.”

“It is! The blue lion chose me! She thought I was worthy.”

“Okay…” His dad huffed and ran his hands through his hair. He slumped his shoulders as he debated the next way to approach the situation. “How do you suppose this Keith guy got in?” Lance’s eyebrows furrowed so his dad pressed further. “If he came to visit you last night, how did he get into the house?”

“Through my window.”

“And how did he leave?”

“My window.”

Lance’s dad forced a smile before delivering a harsh pat to Lance’s shoulder. The impact was rough enough for Lance to flinch. “You know that isn’t possible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you remember that time you were being an angsty teenager and tried to escape the house whilst you were grounded? You jumped out of the window and broke your arm.”

“So?”

“There’s no way Keith would have been able to get out of that window without injuring himself. I don’t think he would have been able to climb up the side of the house either.”

“But-”

“You must have dreamt it, hijo,” Lance’s mother added once she realised that her husband was struggling to find the right words. She approached Lance, letting her gaze flicker down to his abandoned, lukewarm pancakes and then back up at her son. “Keith isn’t… he can’t be…” She failed to finish as her breath hitched and her voice cracked.

“He’s real. I know it. He was in my room last night.”

Turning to speak to her husband that time, Lance’s mum murmured, “We need to book another appointment with Dr Anderson.”

“It’s Friday.” Lance whispered, struggling to find the energy to argue. In front of him, his pancakes had suddenly began to look more sad than joyful. The golden syrup looked too excessives as the food was practically swimming in the substance and the coldness that was spreading through them meant they didn’t look so crisp and perfect anymore. 

“We know but… it would be better if you spoke to someone about this… dream. You can tell him all about Keith and what he said.”

Lance couldn’t say anything: there was a large lump of a sob rising in his throat. He stood up and shoved his chair backwards. He didn’t spare a second glance at his pancakes before storming upstairs, where he rushed into the bathroom. Nausea was swirling in the pit of his stomach, heavy and uncomfortable. He dropped straight onto his knees in front of the toilet and proceeded to throw up the miniature amount of pancake he had eaten.

Just looking at his own vomit tempted further nausea so he forced himself to look at the dull, bathroom wall. His head was spinning as the world danced around him and only made him feel worse.

_ What if his parents were right? _

_ What if Voltron had just been some fucked up dream his head had made up? _

_ No… Keith was real. He was a hot-headed (but attractive) loser. Shiro was real. He was a protective leader. Pidge was real. She was a mini genius who didn’t sleep properly. Hunk was real. Sure, he was an anxious mess but he was Lance’s best friend. Allura was real. Lance had watched her sacrifice herself to save the universe. He knew it, even if everyone else thought he was insane. _

-

“Why didn’t your parents believe you actually saw Keith?” Dr Anderson questioned, raising his pen and waving it around in the air to gesture. Lance’s eyes followed its movements just so he didn’t have to make eye contact. 

“They said it would have been impossible for him to get in the house…” Lance hung his head, letting his hair fall over the majority of his face. Dr Anderson shifted in his seat as he leant towards Lance. When he next spoke, his voice was lower.

“How do you feel about them saying that?” Lance went silent. He turned his head to stare out of the window as his hands played with the ends of his sleeves. He couldn’t help it as his legs began to bounce up and down but Dr Anderson didn’t seem to notice. “Lance?”

“I… I guess they’re right.” As soon as the words escaped Lance’s mouth, tears began to fill his eyes. The room lapsed into silence as a singular tear ran down his cheek, so perfectly that it could have been part of a scripted movie scene. Dr Anderson’s eyes watched it fall and only once it had landed on Lance’s knee did he speak.

“What does that mean for you, Lance? Do you think he actually came to see you like you originally thought?”

“I…” Lance used all his strength to hold back a sob so his words came out much more broken and fragile than he had anticipated. “I don’t know.”


	8. Nothing

“I am here to ask you a few questions about one of your clients, Lance McClain.” Officer Bentley began, waiting for the psychologist to invite him in to sit down on one of the plastic chairs. He was holding a black notebook and flipped through pages of seemingly endless notes before settling on a blank page. He clicked his pen against his chin, leaning forward to begin the interrogation. “Do you think he may be experiencing a mental illness? Potentially one that allows him to repress the traumatic memories and create a delusion?”

“I’m afraid that I cannot disclose that information. I assured Lance that anything he says in our meetings is completely confidential and I meant it. He doesn’t appear to have any urges to hurt himself or anyone else and that is all I am allowed to say.” The psychologist didn’t even seem sorry as he relied the information. He shrugged and leant back into his chair, scratching at his forehead in the most nonchalant way possible. Officer Bentley couldn’t help but feel like something was _ off _ with the psychologist but perhaps that was the way he refused to assist the investigation. There seemed to be something behind Dr Anderson’s eyes that didn’t seem… _ human._ There wasn’t a single human being on the earth with such _ dark _ eyes that looked soulless. Shaking the thought away, Officer Bentley warned himself that he needed to stop talking to Lance: _ his crazy space stories were rubbing off on him._

“Dr Anderson, I understand your reasoning but there are people out there who could be-”

The psychologist shook his head and cut Bentley off with a click of his tongue. “I know full well what could be going on but I cannot share anything with you without Lance’s permission. I suggest talking to the boy himself.”

“Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Then I apologise, I can’t help you.”

“Can’t you tell me _ anything_? Not even about McClain’s mental state?”

“I cannot.”

Officer Bentley let out a huff that seemed much too childish for someone of such authority. When he had walked into the psychologist’s office, he knew full well that Lance had a right to privacy but he hadn’t expected to leave empty handed. He had expected _ something _ not _ nothing._ “Thank you,” _ For nothing, _ Bentley’s brain added. He swerved around on his heels and walked out of the room. He spent a long moment outside, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath.

The case seemed to be full of dead ends but there had to be answers somewhere. He was missing them. Where were they? Where hadn’t he looked? _ There had to be something_. There was always something.

-

“I’m home!” Bentley yelled out into the small apartment before pulling off his jacket and hanging it over one of the kitchen chairs. The sound of his baby echoed through the house, encouraging him to rush into the living room where she was lying in his girlfriend’s arms. Harriet was rocking the baby and murmuring a sweet lullaby in her beautiful voice, thick bags under her eyes. It looked like she hadn’t slept properly in days and Bentley knew she hadn’t. 

“She just won’t sleep… I’ve been singing to her four hours.” Harriet whispered. She leant forward to press a light kiss to her baby’s forehead, eliciting a small giggle from her. 

“Come on, Sammy. Sleep for your mummy,” Bentley took the baby and began to rock her himself, actions slow enough for the baby’s eyes to get heavy. Once she was lulled to sleep, he carefully laid her down in her cot. “And that’s how you do it.” Bentley winked at Harriet, hoping to at least make her smile but he didn’t even get a response that showed she had acknowledged him. 

Harriet was too exhausted to find humour in Bentley’s competitive behaviour. There was something about late nights with a baby that kept demanding to be cuddled and fed that drained all life from a person. “How was work?” Her voice was strained, eliciting a frown from her boyfriend. 

“It wasn’t great. I tried to interview someone and didn’t get any information at all. It was a complete waste of time,” Harriet nodded once but she seemed to be in another world. Her eyes were glossed over with sleep so it was clear that Bentley’s words were going in one ear and out the other. “Honey… I think you should get some rest. You look exhausted.”

“I am…” She looked up and met eyes with Bentley. “But what if Sammy wakes up?”

“Come on, you’re going to bed.” Bentley slipped his hand into Harriet’s before pulling her into the small bedroom. The bed took up 90% of the room but it was sufficient enough for the pair, considering that they couldn’t afford much more.

As soon as Harriet was tucked in with the bed covers right up to her chin, Sam started to cry out again. The noise was deafening and seemed to shake the entire apartment so much that it might as well as cause an earthquake. “She probably wants feeding…” Harriet muttered before attempting to stand up. Bentley used his hand to push her back down before sending her a pair of raised eyebrows.

“I’ll do it. You just rest.”

“But-”

“No buts. Just sleep.”

Harriet was too tired to argue so she turned over and closed her eyes. Even with the baby screaming and the sound of Bentley hushing her, she drifted into a peaceful slumber within minutes.


	9. Everything is Better When You're Pretty

“Uncy Lance!” Carlos squealed as he raced towards Lance, crashing into his uncle and pulling him into a hug. Lance picked him up and span him around in a circle whilst Maria watched and giggled behind them. Once he had put Carlos down, he lifted up Maria and repeated the action. She squealed at about a hundred times the volume that Carlos did. “Papá said that we couldn’t see you because you were sick but we convinced him that we would look after you.”

Carlos seemed so innocent as he spoke but the words might as well have been a knife through his heart. Lance could just about deal with his parents thinking he was insane but there wasn’t a single chance in the world that anyone would stop him from seeing Carlos and Maria. Lance let his frown morph into a grin as he forced out, “Are you guys going to be my doctors?”

“Yeah! Maria is going to make you look pretty because everything is better when you’re pretty.”

Lance snorted, raising his left eyebrow. “Am I not already pretty?”

“You’re ugly!” Maria yelled, digging through her tiny handbag in search of the materials she needed. She pulled out a bottle of baby blue nail varnish and shoved it into Lance’s face. When Lance held out his right hand and balanced it on his knee, she unscrewed the cap. Lance let out a soft laugh at her insult as she leant forward and used the brush to coat his nails. 

Carlos pouted as he realised he was being left out. He shuffled over so he could sit right up against Lance before asking, “Can you tell us more about that princess?” He cocked his head to the side in an adorable-ly innocent manner.

“Of course…” Lance pondered for a moment, letting himself get absorbed in the way Maria painted his nails. “She was ten thousand years old.”

“Was she all wrinkly?” Maria teared her focus from the nail polish to look up at Lance. He laughed, almost making Maria smudge the paint. 

“No, no, she was beautiful. She had these pointy ears… like an elf. She also had these marks on her cheeks that glowed blue.”

“Was she magic?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Yeah,” Lance sighed and flickered his gaze up into space, blinking away the tears gathering in his eyes. “I do.”

“There! Beautiful!” Maria sat back and admired her own work. The painting was a bit scruffy and she had painted the skin on occasions but it was good for an eight year old. “I need your other hand now.” Lance nodded and moved so his left hand was balanced on his knee as opposed to his right.

“Who else did you meet in space?” Carlos didn’t look at Lance as he asked the question, instead waving his toy shark around in the air. The thing was rugged and its material had somehow gotten even more grey so Lance couldn’t help but wonder if it had seen a washing machine before. It probably hadn’t, considering Carlos barely parted with it.

“Hunk was there, do you remember him?”

“He made me shark cupcakes on my birthday!” Carlos broke out into a larger grin, roaring like a lion but pretending his toy shark was making the noise. Lance playfully gasped, eliciting a loud laugh from his nephew. 

“Yeah, he did. One day, I’ll force him to make some more. There were three others with me in space too: Pidge, Shiro and Keith. Pidge was really cool and she was a literal meme. Shiro was the space dad and he made sure we all looked after ourselves. Keith was an edgelord. He was really emo and impulsive but he was cool once I got to know him.”

“Do you have a favourite friend?”

“Obviously Hunk. Any friend who makes me food is my best friend.” Maria leaned back and grinned whilst Lance began to blow on his wet nails. “Keith was getting close though, even if he never gave me food. Carlos, do you want Maria to paint your nails too?”

“Yeah!” Carlos held out his tanned hands whilst Maria dipped the brush back into the paint.

They sat in silence as Maria painted her brother’s nails. That was right up until the point that Carlos murmured, “Are you really sick? You don’t seem sick.”

Lance let out a soft sigh, refusing to meet the little boy’s gaze. “Everyone thinks I’m sick but I’m not.”

“How does that work?”

“It’s hard to explain. Just know, I’m okay. Don’t worry your little head about it.”

Carlos didn’t seem so worried anymore as he barked out, “I’m not little! I’m taller than Maria!”

-

Dark thoughts seem to surface in the middle of the night and that was something Lance become all too familiar with since coming back to Earth.

It was those times at three in the morning, after being plagued with nightmares, when Lance was at his lowest. He couldn’t tear the thoughts of Allura and the rest of his team from his mind which usually resulted in a copious amount of tears. He sat on his bed, the only light in the room being the soft shine of the moon, and cried into his own hands. He missed the princess and the rest of his friends but all he could do was sob in his own company. No matter how much he wished and wished for Allura to be at his side (or Keith: he’d suffice), holding onto him and reminding him that everything was okay but no. He was alone.

Despite being inside a house with his family who he loved with all of his heart, Lance felt isolated. Since coming back to Earth, he had began to understand the difference between _ loneliness _ and _ being alone _. Even inside a crowded room with hundreds of people, one can feel shut off from the world. That was how Lance felt. It was like he was behind a pane of glass, watching the rest of the world move on and love each other whilst he was trapped, unable to interact with anyone.

He hated it. He was a social butterfly so he hated the isolation more than anything. More than Zarkon even.

At some point, a soft knock rang through the air. The sound contrasted Lance’s heavy sobs so he almost didn’t register it. When he did, he lifted up his head, sniffed and wiped at his tear-filled eyes. He called out a broken, “Yeah?” that came out much quieter and sadder than he could have anticipated. It tore off the mask that Lance wanted to wear, screaming about his real state to the rest of the world.

Upon receiving the response, the person behind the door- Veronica, Lance soon came to realise- threw it open and flicked on his light. “Oh dios, Lance…” She rushed forward and pulled her brother into a hug that he needed. “What’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

Even though Veronica was sat right next to him, Lance still felt a million miles away. “I miss them so much,” Lance sniffed, unable to hold back the tears. “I know they’re real, V. I know it…”

“I know…” Veronica began to rub Lance’s back, trying her hardest to calm him down with her action. It wasn’t often that she had to comfort Lance: it was usually Lance who comforted her when her significant others broke up with her, when she failed exams or just when she was having a bad day and things had just gotten too much. She was so used to seeing Lance build walls up around himself, pretending to be okay just so he could ensure everyone else was happy.

“Do…” Lance swallowed as he raised his head to meet Veronica’s eyes. “Do you believe me?”

“Of course I do.”

Lance let out a heavy sob, body shaking at the sheer power of it. He leant his head on his sister’s shoulder, though he still attempted to maintain the eye contact. “You do..?”

“Yes. I know it all sounds crazy and I can understand why mamá and papá don’t believe you but… I trust you. If you say it happened, it happened.” Lance couldn’t stop the small smile from forming on his face because, finally, someone trusted him. All of a sudden, it didn’t matter that Lance’s parents didn’t believe him or that the police considered Keith and Shiro suspects of a made up crime because Lance wasn’t alone anymore. He had Veronica; it was Lance and Veronica against the rest of the world.


	10. The Drawings

Sifting through some of the belongings from the shack, Bentley soon came to realise that it was empty for the most part. It didn’t look at all like a home, even though the Garrison records said that Kogane had been living there for a long duration of his studies at the Garrison. There wasn’t anything that even remotely resembled sentimentality; there wasn’t even a single knick knack on the side to suggest the person who lived there once upon a time had a life. The shack had been long since abandoned so it was clear that Kogane and the others hadn’t been there for an extended period of time after their disappearances. 

After stripping the kitchen (they used the word to describe the area but really it was only a couple of metres in length and a metre in width with one oven and one side with a kettle on it), Bentley headed towards the small living space. It consisted of a sofa and a coffee table that was covered in a layer of paper that had different drawings and notes scrawled over it. The sofa itself was torn and stained as if someone had just picked it up off the street.

Bentley pulled open a draw beside the sofa but the contents didn’t seem significant at first. There was a lone notebook with some pens around it, seeming innocent enough. Bentley’s initial thought was that it could have been one of Kogane’s books for school or potentially even a diary. It was only once Bentley pulled the notebook open that he realised how vital it could be for the investigation.

Inside of it were drawings. Drawings of Lance McClain.

The artist was good enough that each image was easily identifiable to be McClain. The drawings often featured the exact same cocky grin that was present in Lance’s Garrison record and his eyes were full of so much life that it could only be the confident student. 

“Come look at this,” Bentley gestured to the other officer who was helping him search the shack. They walked up to his side and their jaw dropped open at the sight. “Do you think these were drawn by Kogane?”

“This shack did belong to Kogane so I’d say it was likely…” They took the book from Bentley, flipping the page over to reveal more drawings. It looked like Kogane had been observing McClain from afar, drawing him like impromptu photos. All the sketches were beautiful but so detailed that it could easily have been considered creepy. When Bentley reached for his file and pulled out the Garrison record’s picture of McClain and held it up against one of the sketches, they looked the exact same, down to the miniscule freckles that formed constellations across McClain’s cheeks. “Poor kid… Kogane must have been watching him for a while… who knows what he did to him.”

Bentley looked up from his file to nod. “I think we just found our next piece of evidence. I wonder how McClain is going to react to it. It might trigger some memories that could help.”

“We can only hope,” Bentley’s partner sifted through the drawings further, eyes drinking in each picture. “Do you think it’s an obsession kind of thing?”

“Maybe…”

-

A few weeks passed before Lance saw the police again. When they did show up, it was the same guy but his stare was much harsher and serious that time; so much so that Lance subconsciously sunk back in his seat. Once they were past the pointless greetings and everyone in the room was holding a mug of hot tea made to their own likings, the policeman got talking.

“We have found further evidence,” He explained. Lance hated the way that his blinks were infrequent and it looked like he didn’t care about Lance’s mental state at all. He was just glaring straight ahead of him. “It is vital that you now make a statement.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” Lance didn’t mean to yell but, somehow, his voice came out louder than he had planned it to. He had his arms folded and refused to meet eyes with the policeman’s glare, instead choosing to look at his own lap. His bottom lip had jutted out a small amount which almost made him look like a pouting child.

“Lance, we know this is tough for you but the people you were with could be dangerous. They could be harming other people right now. If you just told us what you know… you could save all of them.” Lance didn’t trust the policeman’s soft voice one bit. He was certain that there was irritation and exhaustion suppressed deep below the surface.

“They weren’t dangerous. They were some of the nicest people I have ever met.”

Lance could have sworn he saw the policeman’s eye twitch but it happened so quickly that he might as well have imagined it. “We searched through an abandoned shack in the desert and we found this,” The policeman dug around in his bag until he pulled out a black notebook. It had a plain cover and looked like something right out of a discount shop; far from the bright books Lance favoured. Lance didn’t understand why such a boring notebook was significant until the policeman flipped it open to the first page. “Can you tell us why there are drawings of you throughout this book?” The policeman’s voice was fuzzy and sounded much further away than it actually was, thanks to the ringing of Lance’s ears.

“What?” Lance whispered the question as he shakily reached out for the notebook. Staring right at him was his own face. He was sat in front of a green wall that looked suspiciously liked those in the Garrison science rooms, head balanced on his hands as he stared up at the air. Eyebrows furrowing and bottom lip quivering, Lance flipped to the next page. That time it was him sat in the lunch hall with a sandwich in a tupperware box in front of him. He had his head turned with a wide grin on his face and thin eyes that made him appear like he was mid-laugh. The third page featured all different doodles of his face as the artist was clearly practicing facial expressions. In one, Lance had tears trailing down his cheeks; in others, he was smiling, scowling and gasping.

Lance was jolted out of his trance when the policeman cleared his throat and spoke again. “We need you to think back to before you went missing for us. Can you remember feeling like someone was following you or watching you? This is really important.”

“I-” Lance couldn’t fully comprehend the question because he was still trying to process the drawings. He gripped the paper with all of his strength, tears welling up in his eyes as they took in a picture of himself with his arm hanging around someone that looked like Hunk. 

“Think. Could Keith Kogane have been stalking you prior to your abduction? Takashi Shirogane even? Whoever drew these pictures dedicated a lot of time to watching you.”

_ Could Keith have really been a bad guy? Could he have stalked Lance? Could Lance have made all that stuff up about space? _

“No.” Lance decided, voice cracking on the simple word. A small sob escaped as he buckled over in his chair, burying his head in his hands. It was a position he had been in countless times since his return to Earth but that didn’t make it any more comfortable. “Keith is a good guy.” 

“That doesn’t explain these drawings. We think he may have been watching you for a long time and planning to kidnap you. Do you think this could have been the case?”

“They didn’t kidnap me! I spent my year defending the universe!” Lance went silent as he tried his hardest to catch his breath. He shut his eyes and remembered all those times he had seen Keith around the Garrison. Lance had always considered them rivals because Keith was the best fighter pilot and Iverson was always comparing Lance to him. That meant that Lance was often glaring at Keith or trying to read his work over his shoulder. They hadn’t interacted much at all which explained why Keith couldn’t even remember him when they had stumbled across Shiro on their last day on Earth. The times that Lance did see Keith, he didn’t pay enough attention to him to notice whether he was staring in his direction or drawing him. Still, Lance knew Keith. He knew he was a good guy. As for Shiro, Lance hadn’t seen him around the school in person but Shiro had always been his hero. There was no way that ‘Shiro the hero’ was a kidnapper. “Keith and Shiro didn’t do anything! I- I-” Further sobs shook Lance’s body and made it difficult for him to form coherent sentences. “I didn’t make Voltron up…”

“The evidence says-”

“Fuck the evidence!” Lance jolted up onto his feet, tears blurring his vision. He threw the notebook as hard as he could to get the point across whilst his parents watched with similar expressions of horror on their face. “Leave me alone! Stop making stuff up! Stop it! I know what happened because I was there. You weren’t! Stop trying to tell me what I went through!” Lance didn’t even realise he was waving his arms around in the air until his dad grabbed them so he didn’t hit the policeman. “I’m not lying! I’m not! Why don’t any of you trust me? It happened! I went to space!”

“Okay, Lance. Calm down.” His dad started to mumble, trying not to speak loud enough to startle his son further. Lance didn’t need to be a genius to know that everyone standing in the room thought he belonged inside a mental asylum and wasn’t fit to be at home. He could picture the sympathetic looks they were all giving him, certain they were thinking ‘_there Lance goes again! He’s crying for the third time today and it isn’t even lunch yet!_’ He hated it. He hated that no one trusted him. He hated that his friends weren’t on Earth with him. Most significantly, he hated that Keith and Shiro were being framed as stalkers and kidnappers.

“No! I can’t calm down! My own parents don’t trust me! I’m not insane. I didn’t get tortured. I’m perfectly fine!” _ Fine._ That word heavily contrasted him at that moment. With red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks, he was much closer to the word ‘_mess_’ to ‘_f__ine'_. 

“I’ve asked you enough questions for today.” The policeman pulled himself up onto his feet and placed his half empty mug on the table in front of him. He forced a smile at Lance’s dad, eyebrows furrowed in a kind of sympathy that had to be genuine. Lance knew that every single person in the room thought he had lost his marbles but there was no way he could prove what he had been through. It was his word against the rest of the world. For a moment, the only sound in the air was Lance’s heavy breathing. 

“Feel free to ask more questions in the future.” Lance’s dad said, still holding onto Lance’s arm. Lance tried to pull himself away but his grip was too strong to break. 

“Thank you for your time.”

Once the policeman let himself out, Lance’s dad finally let go of his arm. Lance didn’t say another word as he made his way upstairs to the safety of his bedroom.

-

“Lance, we need you,” Keith said, holding out his hand and lightly grazing Lance’s tear-stained cheeks. He had been crying non stop since the policeman had left which meant his eyes stung and were surrounded with the colour that matched Keith’s lion. Without thinking, Lance held out his arms and pulled Keith into a hug he needed more than anything else in the world. Lance made sure to bury his head deep in Keith’s neck, breathing in his scent so he knew that he was really with his friend. Even if his parents told him that he dreamt Keith, Lance clung to the hope that maybe he didn’t. Maybe Keith visited Earth occasionally to come and see him. “The rebels have began to attack,” Keith whispered into Lance’s hair. “We think they’re going to infiltrate a ball that is being held in a week’s time. We can try and protect the civilians of the planet but… we don’t think that’s possible without Voltron… or at least our sharpshooter.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Lance’s words were muffled by Keith’s neck but, somehow, Keith was still able to make them out. “I can’t leave my family again.” Lance let out a soft sob, still not making any effort to escape the hug. He was basking in the warmth of feeling loved when he had been feeling mostly pain since coming home.

“We understand. We can try our best to defend Alkafa but… we just aren’t as strong without you here.”

Lance chose to stay silent, his hand brushing up against Keith’s signature red, cropped jacket. If you had told him when he was up in space that he would miss the mullet-head’s stupid sense of style, he would have laughed in your face. Yet, there he was, basking and finding a home in the sight. At least it wasn’t the weirdest thing Lance had experienced. “Keith, can I ask you something?” He eventually whispered. 

“Yeah but hurry, I need to get back to Alkafa.”

“Before we left Earth… did you draw me?” Lance retracted from the hug enough to see Keith’s face. Redness had blossomed across his cheeks but he forced a smirk and said, “Of course not. I didn’t even know who you were before we found Shiro.” Keith was lying. Lance could tell. Keith had distinct tics that came out whenever he wasn’t telling the truth: he would rub his elbow and his voice would raise ever so slightly in pitch. Sure enough, he was doing exactly those things.

“Oh… okay.”

“I need to go. Stay strong for us, okay Sharpshooter?”

Lance nodded before letting go of Keith completely. He wanted to hold onto the other paladin for the rest of eternity but he couldn’t. He had to let Keith go. “You too, mullet.”

Keith sent Lance a broad smile before swinging out of the window. Lance got up and rushed to watch him but his eyes had opened before he could even look at the ground where Keith would have fallen.


	11. Switchblades and Trust Issues

“Holy shit, Bentley, come and look at this!” Bentley turned his head and followed the voice outside. One of the other officers from his precinct was bent down by the doorway, in front of a rather large hole. He raised his gloved hands and waved something in front of Bentley’s eyes. It took a moment for him to focus on the object but, when he did, he realised the guy was holding a switchblade caked in dry blood. 

“Jackpot!” Bentley couldn’t help it as he yelled, face lighting up like the sun. The entire investigation seemed to be reaching a million dead ends but further evidence was enough to fuel it for a bit longer. All Bentley wanted was to get to the bottom of it and find out what happened to Henry Griffin, a single man who had a kid that was probably still grieving his loss, and the Garrison students. “We need to get it dusted for fingerprints and find out for sure whose blood it is. I’m pretty sure we already know but just in case.”

The other officer nodded before gently placing the evidence into a clear bag. Bentley couldn’t wipe the grin from his face their entire journey back to the precinct, excitement bubbling all the way through him. There was a chance the knife would have the killer’s fingerprints on it and, if so, it was enough for a prosecution. The small knife could be the reason Bentley got a promotion and could finally afford to look after his girlfriend and their baby. He _ needed _ it to go his way. 

The results were sent to him inside a white envelope. Bentley didn’t need to open it to know the results but he was obligated to check, even though the forensics’ report only confirmed his thoughts. The only problem was that it wasn’t enough to arrest Kogane as his fingerprints didn’t appear to be part of the equation. _ He must have been smart about it. He must have worn gloves. _

Bentley was dealing with a murder investigation so he knew Kogane was as dangerous as he had originally thought. After finding the knife, all Bentley needed to do was find Kogane and question him. He was _ sure _ he could get a confession. He was going to arrest Kogane, no matter what it took, for his girlfriend and baby, for Griffin’s son, for the children who were still missing but, most importantly, for his own sanity.

-

A knock on the door broke the silence that had washed over the McClain house. Each of the family members were sat around the dinner table, eating but not saying a word. Lance had hardly touched his food as he, instead, decided to push what had once been his favourite meal around his plate until it turned into an unappealing goop. It loosely reminded him of the space goo he had eaten on the Castle of Lions but that thought alone made him feel anxious. Lance’s dad was the one to stand and walk towards the door, pulling it open whilst the rest of his family observed.

The policeman that the McClain family had become all too familiar with was standing at the door, a frown filling his face. “I’m sorry to interrupt your meal but it is very important that we speak to Lance as soon as possible.” The frown on his face suggested that there can’t have been any good reasons that they needed to talk. Lance nodded before fleeing the table and finding a seat in the living room opposite the policeman. The policeman didn’t waste any time before rummaging through his bag until he was able to pull out a transparent bag with what appeared to be a switchblade inside it. “Do you recognise this knife?”

As Lance leaned closer to inspect the weapon, he came to the realisation that the blade was covered in dried blood. The sight itself made his stomach drop as he murmured out, “I don’t… I don’t think so?” His words sounded more like a question because there was anxiety embedded inside his head. There was one person that he knew loved knives more than they loved anything else and that person was _ Keith _… but there was no way that one of Lance’s best friends had used a knife to hurt anyone with malicious intent. Keith wasn’t like that.

The officer’s next few words were enough to drain Lance’s face of all colour. “We found this buried outside of Keith Kogane’s shack. It still has blood on the blade, as you can see. Do you have any idea whose blood it may be?”

Lance shook his head but he really didn’t _ want _ to know. Keith wasn’t a murderer. There was no way. 

“It belongs to someone named Henry Griffin, do you recognise that name?”

Somehow, Lance’s face grew even paler because _ everyone _ knew Henry Griffin. The only people who didn’t know him were those who had lived under a rock with Patrick Star since the beginning of time. His name had been broadcast over all of the news stations a million times since his disappearance.

Henry Griffin had been one of the teachers at the Garrison and even had a son that attended the school. He was known for his fiery temper, shouting at almost every kid he came across, no matter how innocent or well behaved they were. Lance had crossed his path once and Griffin had yelled his head off for having one button of his blazer undone. He was most people’s least favourite teacher (including Lance’s, even though he had never been taught by the man). That was until he went missing without a trace a year or so before Lance and his friends had.

“I see from your face that you do.”

“Who doesn’t?”

For a second, silence lapsed throughout the room. In that time, Lance’s shoulders fell and his eyebrows creased, confused tears filling his eyes. He was sure the officer was indirectly asking him to make the link inside his head but he refused to. He knew Keith better than most people and he was _ not _ a murderer. He didn’t kill Henry Griffin.

“We believe Keith Kogane was involved in his disappearance and we are now treating it as a murder investigation. Do you understand how important this is?”

Lance stiffly nodded whilst not daring to meet eyes with the officer. His heart had started to pound inside his chest and nausea was washing over him quicker than he could have said the word himself. “But he…” His voice was weak and pathetic as he attempted to come up with an argument. So many words were fluttering around his mind like a wild group of butterflies on drugs but, for some reason, they never made it far enough to escape his mouth. 

“We know it isn’t easy for you but… could you tell us a bit more about Keith? Maybe what happened on your last day before you disappeared?”

“Keith wouldn’t murder someone. Sure, he was impulsive and hot-headed but he’s sweet. He wouldn’t- I know he wouldn’t-”

“It’s okay,” The policeman held out his hand and placed it on top of Lance’s slumped shoulder whilst forcing a smile. “This evidence is not sufficient to make an arrest but we need to question him. Do you know where he is?”

“He’s…” Lance let out a soft breath that could have doubled as a sigh. “He’s in space.”

“Lance, this is serious. Keith Kogane is a potential murderer and could be dangerous to anyone he may come across. We believe that Tsuyoshi Garret and Katie Holt may have already been killed or have been roped into trafficking and you somehow got away,” Lance’s face scrunched up at the thought of his friend murdering his other friends or selling them for sex. Just the idea made him want to throw up, even though he knew it didn’t happen. He had been there and he’d been in space, _ as he kept trying to tell people_, so there wasn’t even the slightest chance that they were dead. “Both of those kids’ families are worried sick right now so we need to know where he could be hiding out.”

Lance leaned forward, keeping his face rigid so his distraught feelings weren’t showing on the surface. When he spoke, he kept his voice a monotone to add to the authority and reliability behind his words. “He’s in space. I’m not lying.”

“Okay…” The policeman let out a dramatic huff, having clearly given up for the day. With the way he was acting, you’d have thought that it was _ his _ friend being accused for murder not Lance’s. “I’ll be back to speak to you tomorrow.”

It wasn’t like Lance’s story was going to change overnight but he said his farewells to the officer anyway.

-

_ Keith could be a murderer. _The evidence was there. Lance had seen the knife and the blood so there wasn’t a chance he _ couldn’t _ believe the policeman’s accusations. But… it was Keith. Lance couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that his friend, _ Keith_, who had been unable to repeat a dumb Voltron chant and had enough emotional baggage to build a mountain the size of Everest, was a murderer.

Lance pulled his legs towards his chest and hugged them tightly. Tears streamed down his cheeks and, despite trying to wipe the first few away, he soon accepted them by letting them fall freely. He couldn’t help but wonder whether the police (and his parents) were right about everything. 

_ Could he have repressed the truth? Could Keith have really been trying to kill him? Could his brain have made up Voltron as a way of coping with trauma? _

Lance clenched his hands into fists and began to hit them against his forehead. His entire face scrunched up as he begged himself to remember the truth and to stop making things up. Who knew the day would come when Lance couldn’t even trust his own mind?

_ There was no way Keith was a murderer. He was Lance’s friend. _

_ ...Wasn’t he? _

-

“Do you think I could have made up Voltron as a way of coping with my trauma?” Lance murmured, eyes cast down at his lap. He was picking at a loose thread on his trousers, too embarrassed that he didn’t understand his own brain to make eye contact with his psychologist. Despite having known Dr Anderson for a couple of months by that point, he still didn’t feel comfortable opening up to him. It was generally difficult to explain to someone that your brain was keeping secrets from you and making the weirdest things up.

“I think that’s highly likely, yes,” Dr Anderson said, over gesticulating with his hands like he always did. He paused to think for a moment as he pushed his round glasses up his nose. “But I can’t say for sure because it’s your brain.”

“I don’t know if I made it up. At first, I was certain that I didn’t but now… I’m not sure. The police keep coming to my house and they have evidence…”

“But you don’t want to believe something bad may have happened to you?” Lance nodded. He swallowed thickly as he shifted in his seat and began to chew on his bottom lip. “Look, repressed memories are something science can’t explain well. They’re complex and much isn’t known about them. Our brains are powerful and can repress memories unconsciously so it’s out of your control.”

“So I could have made Voltron up without even realising it?” Dr Anderson nodded his head at such a pace that Lance almost felt like he was being demeaned. “I made it up… didn’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I have a couple of questions for you...
> 
> Do you think Lance made it up?  
Do you think Keith is really a murderer?
> 
> I'm really curious as to what you think; feel free to theorise :P


	12. The Lowest of Lows

_ Allura. Keith. Hunk. Shiro. Coran. Pidge. Allura. Keith. Hunk. Shiro. Coran. Pidge. _

Lance repeated the names in his head as if it would make them any more real. He even had a minute sparkle of hope in his heart that it might summon one of his friends. At that moment, Lance would have done anything to see their faces again. Anything. _ Anything anything anything any- _

“Lance, are you alright?” The voice seemed so distant that Lance couldn’t tell who it was. His ears were ringing and his surroundings seemed too bright and high in contrast to look at.

He felt like he was dying. Was he dying? He didn’t know.

Forcing himself up and breathing so quickly that he was lightheaded, Lance ran to the closest bathroom. He slammed the door behind him before covering his ears with his hands to drown out his own thoughts. The room was shrinking around him, each wall tip-toeing towards him until he felt he had to make himself as small as possible. He hadn’t even noticed he was crying and screaming all at once; to his mum on the other side of the door, it sounded like he was hurt.

She panicked. She pushed the door open and tried to calm her son down with words but he didn’t seem to hear her. He wasn’t listening. Naive, his mum made the mistake of reaching for his hand. Needless to say, she never managed to grab it.

Too disorientated to trust his environment, Lance flailed his arms to get whatever- _ whoever_\- it was to give him space. In the process of doing so, Lance’s hand smashed into his mum’s stomach. Hard. She stumbled back and hugged herself, eyes wide. Her own breaths had become erratic as she realised she couldn’t help Lance. She had to watch her own son suffer, helpless.

To both Lance and his mum, the next part was blurry. All they knew was that Lance’s dad must have heard them and come running. Somehow, he had managed to calm them down which brings us to the next part of the story. 

Sobbing into his chest, Lance’s mum was clinging to his dad. After he gathered that Lance had hit his wife, a long, deep frown spread across his face. Meanwhile, Lance was sat on the sofa opposite them, eyes rimmed with enough red to make it look like poorly done stage make up.

“Lance, you can’t keep this up any longer,” Lance opened his mouth to catapult himself into an argument but held back when his dad continued. “We know this is hard for you too but you… hitting your mother is the last straw.”

“I was- I didn’t-” Lance tried but not even he could make sense of what happened in his head. The world had been so fuzzy and he had been petrified… he didn’t even know what he was doing.

“We think it might be best if you were put in hospital. You just… You’re not getting better and I’m worried you might lash out again.”

Lance’s brain couldn’t comprehend words as tears filled his eyes. He could no longer say the heavy feeling in his chest was sadness: it had become numbness. How was he supposed to react when his parents wanted to throw him into an asylum? That wasn’t supposed to happen to him. He was just a normal kid who had a normal childhood and was supposed to live a normal life. He didn’t belong in an asylum… he belonged at home with his family and friends.

“It’s for the best, okay? Who knows what could happen next. You might hurt yourself…”

Lance’s heart begged him to argue. It begged him to shout and to scream- anything that might fix things. Despite that, his mind refused to cooperate. It told him that he had stooped too low. He had his own mum- the woman who had dedicated years of her life into looking after him- and that was enough of a reason for him to be locked up. The only words that could escape his mouth was a tiny, desperate, “I’m sorry.”

-

Lance could hear his mum’s sob through his parents’ bedroom door. It was a sound so foreign and terrifying that it made him want to take back all those times he had cried to her. She cried loudly and without a single ounce of hope; something that was so uncharacteristic of the woman that had given Lance so much of _ his _ hope over the years. Tentatively, Lance stepped towards the door before pushing it open. Upon seeing his mum’s tear-stained face and his dad’s red-rimmed eyes, he found himself opening his mouth and closing it again. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to say. Never had he put his parents through so much misery; not even when his parents found out how poor his performances were at the Garrison. “Lance…” His mum began but she wasn’t able to say anything else as her words were morphed into a colossal sob. 

“I’m so sorry, mamá and papá… for everything…” Lance murmured as tears trailed down his own cheeks. “I think…” The words were on the tip of his tongue; all he needed to do was force them out. _ Why was it so difficult? Why couldn’t he speak all of a sudden? _ After a long, deep breath, Lance finally said, “I think I made Voltron up.”

“Finally,” It was his dad who was first to speak. He stood up as his bottom lip trembled and held out his arms. Lance didn’t want a hug. He wanted- _ needed-_ space. “I thought we’d lost you.”

“You’ll never lose me.” Lance felt like a kid again. He felt like the one who grazed his knee and cried loud enough that his parents had to be called and the whole playground heard him. He felt like the kid who had cried so hard on his first day of school that his mum had to sit by his side all day. He felt like the _ kid _ who had failed all of his flying simulations because he never took them seriously enough to pass. In reality, he _ was _ just a kid. Despite being on the cusp of eighteen years old, he was still a child. He hadn’t had his first proper job, he hadn’t had any proper relationships, he hadn’t moved out of his family home… he was just a kid that didn’t deserve to experience trauma.

“Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

Silence lapsed into the room as Lance dropped his head to look down at his feet. Somehow, further tears were making a home in his tear ducts; it was a surprise he hadn’t dehydrated himself by that point. He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right foot and vice versa. It was a nervous tic that his parents had never failed to miss. With the way they were looking at him with glossy, concerned eyes and identical raised eyebrows, it was clear that time wasn’t an exception. “I- I still don’t remember.”

“Lance,” His dad’s voice was strained. It was obvious that he was drained from everything Lance had put him through since coming back home. “How can you not remember?” He leaned forward, eyes widening as they practically _ begged _ Lance to tell the truth. Little did he know, Lance was being honest. “You can’t keep playing these games. This is serious… someone is dead and more people could die… we just need you to tell the truth.”

“I am telling the truth…”

“You must remember something… please… talk to us… You can’t go on hiding what happened forever.”

“I’m not hiding it… I genuinely don’t know. I’m sorry, alright? If I could remember, I’d tell you.”

“Lance, stop it! You’re upsetting your mother!” Sure enough, Lance’s mum had hunched over and began crying into her hands again, unable to stop the floods of tears as much as she wanted to. She missed her _ hijo- _the one that constantly wore a grand smile and goofed around all the time. She wanted him back.

“I can’t help it! I’m telling the truth but no one trusts me enough to believe me!”

“Because there must be something! You must remember something! We lost you for an entire year and you come back all… all brainwashed!” Lance shrunk as his dad’s voice rose, something both his parents noticed. The thought lingered in the back of their minds that maybe Lance had developed a fear of loud noises from the trauma but neither dared to ask. Instead, his dad lowered his volume enough to make him sound almost monotonous. “_Something _ traumatic must have happened and I just don’t understand how you can’t remember? Do you think we’re going to judge? We’re not. We love you and we always will, no matter what you went through.”

“Why can’t you trust me?”

“I just can’t!” The loud voice must have been almost subconscious because his dad was shouting again. It was loud enough to make the room feel like it was experiencing a minor earthquake. “I hope you know that your mum cries almost every night. She doesn’t know where her loveable, funny boy went. All she wants is some closure about what happened to you… that’s all. Stop lying to us. We don’t know what you think you’re trying to accomplish by lying.”

Lance’s bottom lip started to wobble as his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “Then,” His voice cracked and his breath hitched. “Then maybe I should go. I’m sorry I’m such a burden.” Lance turned on his heel and stormed up the stairs before the sound of his bedroom door being slammed echoed around the house. After that, the house was flooded with silence. No one dared to say a word about what had happened.

-

“Lance, where are you going?” Lance’s mum demanded as he walked into the kitchen with his old school rucksack on his back. It was blue in colour with nothing special about it apart from the little shark keyring hanging from the zip but it reminded his mum of another time- the time when Lance was happy. 

Lance slowly turned his head to look at his mum, eyes thin and eyebrows furrowed before murmuring, “I told you, I’m leaving.” As soon as the sentence was out in the open air, Lance’s mum paled, looking like she was going to throw up there and then, in the middle of their kitchen. She stood up and tried to reach out for Lance’s arm but he moved away before she could make contact.

“You can’t run away like this…” Tears were filling Lance’s mum’s eyes but he tried his best to ignore them so he didn’t have to make the exit harder for himself. All he wanted was to lift the burden from his parents’ shoulders. He was sick of having to hear them cry over him every night. “We’re sorry, alright? Your father didn’t mean to shout.”

“It’s too late now. I get it, none of you trust me and you all think I’m insane. That’s why I’m going. You know what? Maybe I can make it back to space.” Lance let out a harsh laugh at his last line but it dissipated into the air fairly quickly. Lance really didn’t know where he was going to go. He just wanted to get out. Part of him was wondering if he could get back into the Garrison with his old school ID (he’d found it in his wallet in his school bag) but he had probably been removed from the records. It was worth a try.

“Lance, I-” His mum tried but it was too late. Lance had already slammed the front door behind him and started to walk down the path. 

Lance’s mum threw the door back open and rushed down the drive in just her dressing gown, yelling an endless string of apologies at her son. The thin sole of her slipper wasn’t enough to protect her feet from the pressure of the stones on the path but, still, she raced after him. She didn’t stop until she found Lance standing in the middle of the field he had loved to play football in once upon a time. He was staring up at the sky with his eyes scrunched shut, two tiny marks on his cheeks glowing so lightly that his mum wasn’t sure whether she was imagining it.

Just before Lance’s mum was able to throw the gate open and grab her son to take him home, a giant lion bounded into view. It ran towards Lance, looking like it was about to crash into him but stopping and landing at the last moment. Lance looked just as shocked as his mum felt, his eyes wide and staring at the mechanical animal. Once it was sat down on the grass, Lance reached out and, although Lance’s mum couldn’t see from so far away, she knew his hand was trembling. Once he had made contact with its leg, the door fell open to reveal some stairs.

Frozen and speechless as a result of the shock, Lance’s mum could only watch as Lance boarded the spaceship and shot back out up into the air. She rubbed her eyes with her fists but, sure enough, her son was gone.


	13. What Really Happened to Henry Griffin

“Lance? What are you doing here?” was the first question thrown at Lance when he landed on the planet where all of his friends were hiding out. He raised his fists to his eyes and rubbed them, hoping to dispose of any evidence he’d been crying whilst also checking that the people in front of him were real. “Is everything okay?” Shiro stepped towards Lance, raising his arm- and a new prosthetic- to pull Lance into a hug. 

Lance couldn’t help it as he jolted back with a sob. As soon as the others saw, they backed up to give Lance the space they thought he needed. He appreciated it to an extent but it didn’t stop the fear and confusion from swirling inside the pit of his stomach. For a moment, Lance wondered if he was going to throw up over himself.

“I don’t…” He started but found himself unable to finish. It was difficult- nearly impossible, even- for his brain to comprehend that his friends were standing there, on an alien planet. He was either dreaming and his brain was making it all up or… or his gut was right. Voltron was real. _ He actually went to space_. “Is this real?” Lance held both of his hands up into the air as he began to back away, shaking his head out of disorientation.

“What do you mean? Of course it’s real.” Shiro spoke in a soft voice like a parent comforting their child would. Lance let out a cry as Shiro stepped closer so he ended up taking even more steps back.

“This is a dream and- and I’m going to wake up in my bed at any moment,” Lance’s breath hitched. He let his hand hover over his heart as his breaths spiraled even further out of control. “Just wait for it. It- It’s weird that you’re all here but, I get it, my brain’s fucked up.”

Every single one of Lance’s friends exchanged identical concerned look that Lance had grown accustomed to over time. That urge to puke rose in his throat again. Somehow, Lance was able to _ feel _ the green tinge as it spread across his face in time with the nausea. “Lance, this is real and we need you.”

Lance covered his ears with his hands and hunched over, mumbling, “I know, I know. Keith is the one who usually says it but- but-”

“Lance, all of this is real,” Lance slowly lowered his hands so he could hear what Shiro was saying with the hope that his soft voice would help calm him down. Stuck on the precipice of a panic attack, all Lance wanted was a spark of hope to cling onto and stop him from falling. “The rebels are loose on Alkafa and we think they plan on infiltrating the ball tonight.” Shiro held out his hand and raised his eyebrows as a silent plea for Lance to take it. He didn’t.

“Why is Voltron so important? Surely you can hold them off without me.”

“The Alkafans are very technologically advanced. Their weaponry is unlike anything we can imagine so it’s best we all go.”

“I’m sorry but I can’t…” Lance stared holes into his shoes as he felt everyone’s gazes focus on him. “I- I need to wake up.”

“No, you don’t. You’re awake now, alright?”

Lance shook his head with so much strength that his hair flew in all different directions around him. “I’m at home. In bed. I’ll wake up any second,” Lance clenched his hands into fists and hit them against his forehead with enough strength to tint his skin a deep red. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

“Look,” Keith started, stepping forward. Despite Lance feeling like he had known Keith the entire duration of his escapade in space, Lance didn’t think he knew him at all anymore. He knew _ Keith_, the red paladin who was socially awkward but would protect the ones he loved by all means. He knew the guy who couldn’t formulate a simple Voltron chant and who he shared a bonding moment with but proceeded to ‘forget’ it to hide the potential feelings that were hidden beneath the surface. Lance didn’t know the guy who had stalked him and drew doodles of him when he wasn’t looking. He didn’t know _ Keith Kogane_, the wanted murderer who had probably stabbed a Garrison teacher to death and then hid the evidence.

Lance stumbled back at such a speed that his disconcert might as well have been a flashing neon sign being held in all of their faces. Keith looked more _ hurt _ than anything as he dejectedly dropped his shoulders and his face fell. “Lance, people are in danger.” His voice was as smooth as the softest fabric in the world but, still, all Lance could see in him was a _ murderer_.

“I know… because you put them in it. I know exactly what’s going on.”

Keith raised his head to look at Shiro so Lance moved to get in the way of their exchange, using his own head to block Keith’s. “What’s going on then?” The way Keith’s voice cracked made it sound like it was laced with guilt. The guilt of someone who had killed a man in cold blood.

“Voltron doesn’t exist. Do you know what really happened that year we all disappeared?” Lance let silence wash over the room before letting out a soft sigh. Despite the nerves that were trying to eat him alive, he was standing his ground because he was sure he would wake up and everything would be fine again. “Keith and Shiro kidnapped us,” He alternated his direct eye contact between Hunk and Pidge who both had similar sets of tears trailing down their cheeks. “My scars aren’t from battles, they’re from them,” He jut his hand out to point in between Shiro and Keith. “They must have abused us or something.”

“Lance… you’re not making any sense…” Keith whispered, attempting to reach out for Lance but pulling back once Lance lashed out.

“Shut up! You’re a murderer! I know it! I saw all the proof!”

“You don’t know-” Shiro started. He had known Keith longer than anyone in the room and that was why it made so much sense that he would have tried to protect Keith all the time; even if he had committed a crime as horrifying as murder.

“There’s evidence! Keith- Keith killed Mr Griffin!”

No one dated say a word. Hunk and Pidge had, at some point, pulled each other into a hug and were crying into each other’s chests. Keith stared at Lance through round, wide eyes that were almost comedic but weren’t quite, given the circumstances. After a few seconds of processing Lance’s words, Keith collapsed onto his knees and buried his head into his hands. He let cries embrace his entire body. Shiro stepped forward to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder, a lone tear trickling down his own face.

Lance stumbled back and shook his head, swallowing thickly. “So it’s true…” Keith might as well have stepped forward and screamed _ I killed Henry Griffin _ with how obvious it was from both his and Shiro’s distraught reactions. 

“You- You don’t know what that man did,” Surprisingly, it was Shiro who spoke in a hushed tone. “He hurt people, Lance. Ever wondered why he was the least liked teacher at the Garrison? It was because he abused some of the kids.”

“He… He what?” Lance’s confident demeanour faltered for a moment before he pulled it back up: Lance knew Griffin had shouted incessantly at innocent kids but abusing them seemed like a step too far. 

“He physically and mentally abused his son and, sometimes, in classes, he’d hit kids. He threw all sorts of things at them like rulers and pens… I think he once tried to throw a chair at a kid. Keith saw him hit James- his son- after class one day. He had gone back because he had forgotten his water bottle but seeing James getting hurt by his own dad, it hurt Keith a lot.”

_ Keith reached into his backpack in search of his water bottle but wasn’t met with anything besides books and folders. In the end, he decided he must have left it in his last class- mathematics. He pushed back through the crowds of students; a difficult task when they were all moving in the opposite direction. Once he made it to the door of M14- his class- he raised his hand and twisted the doorknob, pushing it open and poking his head through the gap. He hoped to just rush in, grab his bottle and flee without having to talk to anyone. _

_ He didn’t do that. He met eyes with James, a nerd that had never been the nicest to Keith, standing behind the teacher. It was common knowledge that Mr Griffin was James’s dad but they never seemed to see each other outside of class time. James’s eyes were wide and full of an emotion that could only be described as intense terror. In fact, there wasn’t a single word in the dictionary that gave his dread justice. Keith was about to open his mouth and question it but then he saw something that he most certainly wasn’t supposed to see. Mr Griffin raised his hand and slapped James harsh enough for him to stumble backwards. _

_ Only after the hit did Keith break eye contact. He slowly shut the door before backing up in shock. He stepped back until his back was pressed against the lockers opposite the door, eyebrows furrowed in confusion- _did Mr Griffin abuse his son?

_ A few moments later, James stormed out of the room and snapped his neck around enough to spot Keith within seconds. He instantaneously shoved him into the lockers with a tight enough grip on Keith’s arm for bruises to blossom. Keith couldn’t help but wonder how many times James had been rendered vulnerable in that same position but with his dad holding onto him. “I swear, if you tell anyone what you’ve just seen, I will find you and hurt you, alright?” The way James’s eyes were glistening with tears heavily contrasted his threatening actions. It was as if the boy himself was an oxymoron. _

_ “James… does he hurt you a lot?” Keith’s voice came out as a whisper but, _ no, he wasn’t scared, _ He had been to handfuls of different schools after being moved between homes so he had experienced his fair share of bullying. He knew better than most people how to defend himself. _

_ “No… he loves me, okay? Just shut up and don’t mention it again!” _

_ “You need to tell someone. He can’t do that to you…” James’s threatening demeanour dropped to the ground as his shoulders slouched and he broke the eye contact between him and Keith. A tear slipped from his eyes but he was quick to raise his hand and wipe it away. It was too late though: Keith had already seen it. “James, I’ve seen abuse before. In my last home, the father hit his kid and… and he almost killed him. I had to call the police on them.” _

_ “Just fuck off, Kogane!” James grit his teeth as he yelled, a sign that he was holding back sobs. Keith had never been the best at reading people but, somehow, he just _ knew _ . He had been in the same class as James since they were little kids and, even if they had never got along, it wasn’t the most difficult thing to pick up on his mannerisms. _

_ “James, I-” _

_ “You don’t understand! You will never understand.” James’s voice cracked which, again, gave away his urge to sob. It was just milliseconds later that his mouth flew open and a sob shook through the empty hallways of the school. James was lucky that most people had gone home on the Friday afternoon and not stuck around or he would most certainly have an audience. _

_ “I do, trust me. You can’t get through this on your own. You need to speak to someone.” _

_ “I’m fine, Keith…” James swallowed and dropped his gaze to his feet. That still didn’t prevent Keith from seeing the way a few tears dribbled down his cheeks. “Please promise not to tell anyone.” That crying, broken James highly contrasted the boy that had, for some reason, something against Keith. He didn’t even loosely represent the nerd that always competed with Keith in exams and simulations with so much confidence behind his features. He was fragile and scared. _

_ Keith nodded and forced a smile. “I promise… but if it gets worse, you need to tell someone.” _

“James made him promise not to tell anyone and he didn’t… for a while… James and Keith did become good friends though… The abuse continued and, each day, James would come into school with new bruises and injuries from his dad. One day, it became too much.”

“Stop.” Keith all but wheezed. Not once in his entire year with Keith did Lance ever see him so torn up and broken. He looked like the small child he had once been, thrown from foster home to foster home without any sense of security or love. At that moment, Lance wished he could read his friend’s mind. _ What was he thinking? _

“He needs to know, Keith. They all do.”

“Shiro, you can’t-” Keith cut himself off with his own sob. Lance could tell- even from a few metres away- that Keith was beginning to hyperventilate in a way that appeared to be like a panic attack. Shiro bent down beside him and began rubbing circles on his back but neither Hunk nor Pidge dared move from their positions beside each other. Pidge was watching the exchange through wide eyes whilst Hunk appeared like he was on the verge of vomiting.

“James tried to kill himself.”

“Stop it, Shiro. You said you wouldn’t tell anyone. Stop, stop, stop…” Sobbing erratically and breathing similarly to Hunk on his most anxious days, Keith didn’t look like someone capable of murder. He looked fragile… like he would be scared to even wield a knife. Lance knew that wasn’t true because of his Blade of Mamora but, still, the thought was there.

“I’m sorry. Keith found James in his room… he had tried to overdose. Keith had to call an ambulance for him and the paramedics told him that James wasn’t… He wasn’t found soon enough. Keith thought he was going to die.”

_ “James?” Keith called out when the boy didn’t answer his door straight away. After a long moment of silence, worry began to swirl in the pit of Keith’s stomach. He pushed the door open himself and desperately called out his friend’s name a second time. He repeated it over and over again until it wasn’t anything more than a sob. Eventually, he made it to James’s ensuite bathroom. He was one of the few students that were able to have one since his dad worked for the school. _

_ Heart pounding so loudly that it was beginning to give him a headache, Keith pushed the bathroom door open. He let out a loud sob as his eyes laid upon his limp friend. Tears streaked down his face, making it even more difficult to type in the three digit emergency number than he needed it to be. _

_ “It’s my friend!” He practically shouted down the line. His eyes diverted to an empty box of pills laying by James’s side whilst one of his hands desperately searched for a pulse. “He overdosed! Please, you have to help him! I can’t find a pulse!” _

“They- They _ told _ me. I didn’t want to lose someone else.” Keith wailed, voice muffled by his hands. Shiro let out a light sigh. He continued to rub Keith’s back in the most soothing way possible, wishing he was able to take away all of his friend’s pain. “I was angry,” Finally, Keith looked up and revealed his glossed-over eyes. “I went to Mr Griffin and I screamed and screamed at him about how it was his fault.”

“That doesn’t excuse…” Lance trailed off when Shiro held up his hand to stop him from saying anything else.

“He… He tried to attack _ me_. He hit me so many times and told me that James- that he… deserved to die. He was wrong. James didn’t deserve to die. He was my best friend.” His voice cracked on the words ‘_best friend_’ and it very nearly shattered Lance’s heart into a million pieces. “I don’t know why he had a knife but he did. He lunged for me and,” Keith reached for the bottom of his t-shirt before pulling it up to reveal a few short gashes in his side. They had long since scarred over, rendering them thin, pink lines. “He could only scratch me really. I thank the karate lessons the Garrison made me take for my anger issues. I tried to run, I swear.”

Shiro leaned forward and whispered, “We know you did…” into Keith’s messy hair. 

_ “This is all your fault!” Keith screamed, shoving his teacher backwards with as much strength as he could muster in such a distraught state. He wasn’t thinking straight at all, mind clouded with the colour red. The image of James, curled up on the bathroom floor, covered in a whole rainbow’s worth of bruises but face still at peace was etched into his head. It was glued into position and didn’t have any plans to leave any time soon. It was fuelling the fire in his stomach and egging him on. “You killed your son! You killed him!” _

_ “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re not making any sense boy.” The way James’s dad was just standing there so nonchalantly was only adding to the fire spreading inside his chest. He didn’t even seem remotely concerned that someone was telling him that his son was dead. _Did he not care at all?

_ “James overdosed!” _

_ “He… what?” Mr Griffin seemed shocked: his eyebrows furrowed and a frown spread across his face. Finally, he was showing an emotion that wasn’t that disgusting stuck-up I’m-better-than-you cockiness. _

_ “I know what you did to him! You pushed him over the edge!” _

_ “You better be careful with what you say. You don’t know anything.” _

_ “I know enough!” Keith was screaming so much that his throat was growing sore but, still, he didn’t stop. He kept going and going… “You hit him and degraded him every night! He’d come to me sobbing because of everything you-” Keith was cut off as Mr Griffin shoved him against the wall. The entire room seemed to shake around them but Mr Griffin didn’t seem at all phased by it. Keith was breathing heavily and his hands were trying to clench into fists but were shaking too much to actually form anything useful. “What are you going to do to me? I’ll tell Iverson and you’ll get fired like you deserve!” _

_ “You won’t tell anybody if you know what’s good for you. You don’t know what I’m capable of…” Keith let out a painful huff when Mr Griffin drove a punch towards his stomach. “James deserved to die! He was worthless and useless! He was a failure!” _

_ “You can’t-” Keith couldn’t finish as he was punched again. Again. Again. He tried to dodge as much as he could but, regardless, the teacher was able to land a fair amount of hits. Keith could only watched as Mr Griffin reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a short switchblade. He swung and just about grazed the side of Keith’s shirt. It tore apart the fabric and blood began to bubble at the surface of the cut. Keith managed to dodge a couple more swings but it wasn’t long before he was hit again. _

_ “I can do whatever I want. The teachers will always believe my word over yours. I can turn this all around on you. I can say that you lunged for me and it was all self defence. You were going to kill me. I had to stop you.” _

_ “You’re fucking insane.” Keith heethed, just about managing to dive out of the way of another hit. Before he could race to the door and flee, Mr Griffin had blocked it. He snarled like some sort of animal, raising an eyebrow to dare Keith to come closer again. Keith’s gaze moved to the window and he made a break for it before Mr Griffin could realise what was happening. He leaped out of the window and began racing over the field. The playground was barren as everyone had already gone back to their dorms after their last class, considering everyone was always eager to get out of the school at the end of the day. _

_ Luckily, Keith had never lived on campus. He had never been able to afford the expensive dorms so had lived in a small shack on the edge of the desert. It wasn’t something he was particularly proud of; only James knew. He was running so fast that his legs were rendered blurs beneath him but he didn’t stop until he was outside of his shack. _

“He followed me until I couldn’t run anymore. I think I just about made it to my shack but, before I could lock the door and- and get back to safety… he shoved me against the wall. I somehow managed to knock the knife from his hand. I grabbed it and, without even thinking, I stabbed him. Then I stabbed him again. I didn’t stop until my hands were covered in his blood.”

“Oh my God…” Lance backed up, blinking away tears. Deep down, he knew Keith wouldn’t murder with malicious intent; he should have _ looked _ harder for some logic. He shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions with the police without full context. A heavy, guilt-ridden sob shook him as he realised his mistake. Whilst he was complaining about his family not trusting him, he had been just as bad by not trusting one of his best friends.

“I didn’t mean to. It was self defence. I was too scared to tell anyone so I- I uh… I burnt the body and- and buried the knife. If I could go back and stop myself from doing it… I would.”

“We know…” Shiro’s words were attempts at calming the red paladin down but they weren’t sufficient. Keith had pulled his legs towards his chest so he could hug them and bury his face between them.

“I never went back to the Garrison after that. I went to the hospital to see James once. He was in a medically induced coma. I cried to him and apologised but I don’t know whether he heard me or not. They said he’d survive at the hospital but… I never saw him again because I was scared and I didn’t want him to hate me.”

“You killed someone. You’re a murderer. _ They _were right.” Lance thinned his eyes as he stumbled back, heart pounding. He didn’t dare break his gaze from Keith who was still crying in a way that had the potential to dehydrate him.

“It wasn’t his fault. He would have died. Henry Griffin was a bad person and he was the reason his own son attempted suicide.”

“That-” Lance’s bottom lip was trembling so much that it made it difficult for him to speak. “That still doesn’t make murder right!”

“I know it doesn’t but Keith had no choice.”

“I need to wake up,” Lance whispered, dropping his gaze to the floor and clenching his hands into fists. His entire body was trembling as he tempted himself to go back to the real world. “Come on, Lance, _ wake up_.”

“You are awake!” Pidge yelled out, speaking up for the first time. She pushed Hunk away so she was able to move closer to Lance. “Why don’t you believe us? You’re awake and here, on Alkafa, with all of us.”

“I- I-”

“We don’t know what they were trying to tell you on Earth but Voltron exists. Keith isn’t a bad person and neither is Shiro. At the moment, the only bad people around are the Alkafan rebels and we need to stop them. Will you please help us?”

Lance locked eyes with Pidge before letting them fall down to where she had held her hand out. When he nodded and clapped their hands together, the rest of the team let out a huge sigh of relief. Keith even wiped away the dregs of tears and forced a smile at Lance.


	14. The Lion Spaceship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it! :D

“Apparently McClain has gone missing again,” Bentley explained to the Captain to update him on the status of the investigation. “His father spoke to us and said his wife was now claiming to have seen a giant spaceship take her son.”

“Interesting…” The Captain leaned forward as a scowl spread across his features. “What do you think of that?”

“I’m not sure, Captain. The murderer or kidnapper might have grown suspicious that McClain would hand them in so could have taken him again.”

“But what about his mother?”

“I think she’s afraid. Her son has been kidnapped for the second time and there’s no way she is in the right state of mind.”

“So she could have imagined it too?”

“Potentially but I’ll have to investigate it even further. It does seem bizarre that they both reported about a blue lion but there’s no way there’s any fact behind it. Aliens just don’t exist, do they Sir?”

The Captain nodded so Bentley pulled himself onto his feet. He turned to leave but stopped when the Captain spoke up again. “You’re doing a good job, P.C Bentley. I think you can get to the bottom of this.”

“Me too. Every day I think we get a little bit closer to uncovering the truth.”

-

After receiving the news that McClain’s mother also reported seeing the same large spaceship that McClain had described, Bentley knew that he had to see her. By the time he made it to the McClain’s family household, he was shaking from excitement. He knew the end of the case was near and finding out what truly happened the day of Henry Griffin’s disappearance would make him famous in his precinct. He also had a slight inkling of hope that the Captain would give him the raise he desperately needed with a young baby at home.

“My baby’s gone,” McClain’s mum sobbed into her hands, her entire body shaking. She was sat beside her husband who was rubbing her arm, opposite Bentley. Between them was a recording device that had started recording just moments previously. “I saw him leave… why didn’t we believe him, Antonio?” Bentley leaned forward, noting the mother’s hysteria. It was highly likely that she was able to imagine things when her son was going through a harrowing and traumatic experience. The stress on the parents was substantial and neither had sought out any external help that would allow _ them _to cope. It appeared that their son was the priority. The father didn’t seem as distraught as the mother as he was focusing more on comforting his wife as opposed to showing his own emotion.

“What do you mean?” McClain’s dad asked, placing a gentle hand onto his wife’s knee. “You have to tell the policeman exactly what you saw… and tell him the truth.”

“I’m telling you,” McClain’s mum wiped away her tears with her fists as her breath hitched. She sounded like she was on the verge of having a panic attack whilst her husband was biting his bottom lip and holding back tears. “I saw that lion machine thing Lance had been talking about…” She hung her head as an attempt to hide the tears trailing down her cheeks. Her husband retracted his arm whilst his face scrunched up in disappointment.

“Stop this… I thought we decided that Lance was making it up.”

“I saw it. It came from the sky and it took him away. I know what I saw.” Despite the peculiarity of what she was talking about, McClain’s mum did seem certain with her words. The police officer scribbled something down in his flip notebook, keeping a straight face the whole time, so he didn’t give his emotions away. 

“We know this is difficult but please, describe it for us.” The policeman ordered. Lance’s mum looked up and made eye contact with the same man that Lance had talked to and that alone was enough to trigger another sob from her. The sound was harrowing as it shook through the room. 

“It- It was massive… It was blue too which is funny because it’s Lance’s favourite colour,” Lance’s mum swallowed to compose herself again. After, she leaned across the table and murmured, “I don’t know how else to describe it other than as a large, lion spaceship.”

“And you’re 100% sure that was what you saw? It wasn’t a trick of the light or-”

“I definitely saw it.” There wasn’t much of a point to argue with Lance’s mum as her voice was stuck in a monotone that basically screamed _ don’t question it! _

The case did keep getting all the more interesting. By that point, Bentley was fully engrossed in each of the people involved and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He doodled a little picture of a lion in the corner of the page with an angry expression on its face before writing _ lion spaceship _ next to it with multiple question marks.


	15. Rebellion

Lance didn’t have a clue how but, by some miracle, Pidge had been able to convince him to come to the stupid ball that was being held on Alkafa. It was a celebration of Voltron as they had rebuilt the castle and the aliens on Alkafa respected their loyalty to the cause. The Alkafan prince was throwing the ball and all the paladins had been instructed to dress formally, much to most of their dismay. Coran had arranged suits for each of them (even Pidge after she had refused to wear a dress) and, by six o’clock Alkafan time, they were dressed to the nines.

Each of their suits matched the colours of their paladin armour. Lance’s was a deep blue that almost matched the colours of his eyes. He had a black bow tie around his neck that he had adored the moment he had laid eyes upon it. Ever since that Doctor Who episode, he couldn’t help but agree that _ bowties really were cool._

Keith was wearing dark red with a black tie, hands constantly hidden inside the pockets of his suit jacket and head turned to face the ground to avoid social interaction. He had been quiet- even more quiet than usual- since he had come clean about James’s father. Someone, presumably Shiro, must have talked to him since because he had been convinced to wear a thin layer of black eyeliner around his eyes. He stood right beside Shiro, who was clad in a black suit and black tie- as if they were joint by the hip.

An army green suit adorned Pidge’s small form, suiting her a surprise amount. Though Lance had never seen green as a ‘suitable’ colour, it seemed to look nice enough on the green paladin. Pidge’s clothes seemed a bit oversized as she had had to roll up her sleeves and trouser legs, though it was definitely a look she was able to rock. Hunk was wearing mustard with a matching bow tie, a grin on his face as he attempted to raise the morale of the entire room on his own. Coran wore arguably the best suit, clad in a suit that matched his ginger hair and would make him easily identifiable inside the crowded party. It made him stand out like a neon highlighter in a pencil case of black biros. **(Yo****u know what would be really cool? If someone drew them in their suits :))**

-

It was a mere ten minutes into the ball when things began to go wrong. Lance was standing with Keith beside the table of snacks, picking out different foods and eating them even though they weren’t sure what they were. There was a rainbow worth of different foods, ranging from red crisp-looking things to purple kebabs. Lance’s stomach was doing backflips but he was trying his hardest to ignore it and just enjoy the foreign tastes. It didn’t take long for him to decide that eating was a bad idea and the food wasn’t settling well with him so he raced off to a nearby bathroom where he proceeded to vomit it all up into the toilet. Just as he was wiping his mouth with his hand and shakily pulling himself to his feet, he heard a gunshot, followed by a scream.

It was enough to make him stiffen and dive back into the bathroom stall. He locked it and pressed his back against the door, counting each of his breaths _ in and out, in and out, in and out… _ He could hear a lot of commotion in terms of frantic shouting and screaming from the main room as people panicked but he tried his best to remain calm. After a few more gunshots and yells, Lance decided that he needed to do something. His bayard was buried inside his suit pocket, waiting to be utilised. He cracked his knuckles and pulled it out, the weight of the weapon in his hand foreign yet somehow simultaneously familiar. It felt _ right. _ So much more _ right _than being on Earth and doing nothing had ever felt.

His first instinct was to check the windows but the security bars had already come up, ensuring whoever was inside the building was trapped until the procedure was turned off in the main control room. The Alkafan rebels must have had someone on the inside who knew how to control the security which explained why they went for such a drastic attack all at once. Raising his gaze to the ceiling in search of a method of escaping, Lance noticed a vent. He had seen countless movies were people had had to crawl through vents but never had he thought he’d have to do it himself. Just looking at it made it easy for Lance to understand that, despite being rather tall, he was lanky and thin so could probably crawl through the tunnels. Still, he felt it was a job better suited for Pidge.

Taking a deep breath and rolling the sleeves of his jacket up to his elbows, he hoisted himself up onto the sink. The vent cover was surprisingly easy to tug off so, the next thing Lance knew, he was pulling himself up into the vent himself. It was tight enough that both of his shoulders were pressed against the walls; that instantaneously urged Lance to turn back around. The only reason he continued on was because he knew he was the only hope for the innocent Alkafans and the rest of his team.

Lance used his arms to hoist himself forward, moving like a snake at a slow pace until he found another vent cover that looked down into the main room. He glance down and couldn’t help the quiet gasp that escaped his mouth once he saw the scene. Keith appeared to be out cold on the floor, a hand frozen over his shoulder. Hunk and Pidge weren’t far from him, curled up in defenceless positions on the floor. A group of Alkafan rebels were stood in the middle of the room with a few more scattered in front of each door, black bandanas wrapped around their faces so only their eyes were visible. They were holding massive guns Lance had never seen before. He could only assume what sort of technologies were utilised in the advanced Alkafan weaponry. The guns had a long strip of green light across the body, glowing as if that was the energy source.

Lance inhaled and exhaled deeply again. He pushed forward further until he was right over the corridor where the stairwell was. He used all of his strength to tug the ventilation cover off before dropping down into the corridor. Activating his bayard into his gun, he pressed it against his chest and skimmed the room for any enemies. Upon seeing it was clear, he began to tiptoe down the hall. He passed the lift which had been locked down as a result of the extensive security procedures. Once he made it to the stairs, he began bolting up them as if they were his only hope- _ he supposed they were. _

Vaguely, Lance could recall Pidge having briefed them about there being five floors and the IT and security systems were all stored in the control room on the top floor. They could only be activated by an eight digit passcode that very few people actually knew. She didn’t know the passcode so neither did Lance. Once Lance made it up to the top floor, he was breathing as if he had run a marathon. Ever since he had been on Earth, he hadn’t bothered with his daily exercises and training routines. He regretted not continuing with them.

The door to the control room couldn’t have been more obvious. Three guards were stood outside it, wielding guns that seemed- _ somehow_\- even larger than the ones they were holding downstairs. Lance snuck up to the corner and poked his head around, holding his gun right up against his chest.

“_C__ome on, Sharpshooter, _ ” He thought to himself, knowing he was the team’s only chance. The rest of them were downstairs, trapped and rendered helpless with the other hostages. He squeezed his eyes shut and counted three breaths so he was able to find his zen. “_This is your moment to make your team and your family proud._” He raised the gun higher so he could press his eye into the scope and focus on one guard. That guard in particular seemed to have drifted away from the other two, staring out into space and not paying attention to the job at hand. His index finger slowly moved to balance on the trigger before he pushed it down. The shot couldn’t have been more perfect as it nailed the rebel in the shoulder, hard enough to render him immobile but not to actually killed him.

Not being able to spare any time celebrating the hit, he moved to the second guard like lightning. They had caught on that someone was sniping them but hadn’t yet sought out the source. Lance pressed his finger down again and took a second guard out. The hallway was long enough that Lance was just able to snipe the final guard before he got too close. He raced forward to the nearest unconscious guard and fished through his pockets for anything that could resemble a key. After pulling out a scrunched up wrapper and what looked like it could have been some sort of e-cigarette, he pulled out a keycard with the guard’s face on the front. In the picture, he seemed so innocent and happy; definitely not like someone who was putting hundreds of lives at risk.

Lance tried not to think too much as he pressed the keycard into the slot. The door flew open, barely giving Lance enough time to prepare himself with his gun. Once it was open, he surprised that there was one lone person inside with their back to the door. They sat at a laptop, typing as fast as Pidge would when she was trying to hack into something. It was an open shot: all Lance needed to do was raised the gun and pull the trigger. Then _ everything _ would be over on Alkafa. It was an easy move and it wouldn’t take any more than a few simple seconds.

Just as Lance was working up the courage, the person twirled around on their chair like the villain in a cheesy movie. He half expected him to start touching the tips of his fingers together, as _ Mr Burns _ would do in _ The Simpsons_. “Ah, blue paladin. I’ve been watching you closely.”

The way a smile stretched across the rebel’s face, full of an intense kind of malice that you couldn’t force, made Lance feel uneasy. “What do you mean?” Lance kept authority in his tone so that the rebel knew he wasn’t giving up; _ he wasn’t letting them get away with what they had done. _

“Put the gun down. All I want to do is talk to you, alright? I think you’re going to like what I have to say.”

“Why would I listen to you?”

The rebel let out an exaggerated huff and didn’t say another word as he turned his laptop around so the screen was visible to Lance. It appeared to be showing footage from the main room where people were still trapped. An Alkafan rebel with eyes that seemed to be devoid of all emotion had a gun pressed against Shiro’s temple. It was almost like the rebel didn’t have a consciousness. Shiro was clearly trying his hardest to stay strong as the leader of the team but Lance had known him long enough to read the trepidation behind his eyes. “If you don’t, I’ll ensure your leader gets shot. It would be so easy to send a message to my rebel and ask him to pull the trigger, wouldn’t it? The black paladin wouldn’t even have time to blink before he would bleed out across the floor.”

“I-” Lance wanted to shout back an argument but he couldn’t as the Alkafan cut him off in a creepily monotonous tone.

“I think you should listen to me, Lance.”

“How do you know my name?”

“As I said, I’ve been watching you,” The alien raised a finger and pressed it right into the side of his head; just above his ear. His face slowly morphed into another that made Lance stumble back with a loud, horrified gasp. His arms fell down to his sides, alongside with his gun, as his eyes widened at the sight in front of him.

“No, no, no, there’s no way…”

“Don’t you remember our little chats?”

“Stop it, you’re lying-”

The Alkafan grinned as he put on an accent that broke Lance’s heart in half. “_T__ell me a bit about yourself, Lance, _ does that jog your memory?”

Lance let tears dribble down his face as he stared into the eyes of none other than Dr Anderson. The one man he had come to trust.


	16. Sleepy Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! :)

“Keith,” Hunk hissed, swallowing thickly to suppress the tears welling up in his eyes. “Keith, you have to open your eyes. At least tell me you can hear me.” He continuously diverted his gaze between Keith and the closest rebel who was holding the gun that had blasted Keith. The red paladin seemed to still be out cold but all the others could do was watch. They could only hope that Lance was getting them help because Hunk wasn’t sure how long Keith was going to be able to survive.

A groan from Keith sparked a tiny glimmer of hope inside Hunk’s heart. Regardless of the excruciating pain laced in the noise, it was a solid sign that Keith was alive- and he could hear Hunk.

“Stay strong for us, alright? I’m sure Lance is going to save the day at any second and then we can get you help.”

Keith moaned, face scrunching up in an expression that could have only been read as immeasurable pain. “It hurts…” He choked out, voice raspy as if he hadn’t had anything to drink for awhile. Tears were trailing down his cheeks but he wasn’t even aware of them. All his body was able to focus on was the sharp pain in his shoulder where the gunshot had hit him. It felt like the joint had been set on fire multiple times.

“I know it does,” Hunk snapped his neck up to ensure the rebels hadn’t heard what he said. They can’t have. They were patrolling the areas, all walking up and down the length of the room with the exception of one who had the barrel of his gun against Shiro’s head. “You’re going to be okay.”

“Be quiet!” The rebel yelled, smacking Hunk with the butt of his gun. Hunk let out a sharp hiss, wishing he had checked on the guard a second time before opening his mouth again. The force of the hit sent him catapulting onto his knees.

-

“Why are you doing this?” Lance choked out, though his words sounded more like a sob than an actual sentence. He was surprised that Dr Anderson could even understand him when he was in such a state. Lance didn’t think he had cried so much before in his life; not even when he had been back on Earth. There was just something about someone you trust betraying you and knowing all of your friends’ lives were in your hands that hurt. It hurt more than being hit by a car going at full speed. It hurt more than being involved in a plane crash. It hurt more than any physical pain ever could. 

“Voltron took everything from me, Lance. _ Everything_.” The alien pulled something small from his back pocket and watched as it glowed for a moment. It was bright enough to be a liable energy source for the entire room; perhaps the whole floor even. After a few seconds, the device expanded into the size of a gun. The same kind the guards had had outside. The same one being pressed into Shiro’s head.

“But how? We defeated the Galra and protected the-”

“Shut up!” Luckily, Dr Anderson decided to hit Lance with the gun itself, as opposed to a bullet. The impact still sent him hurtling towards his knees, the gun he had been holding- his only hope- skidding across the floor just out of his reach. “Do you remember Aliyah?”

Lance had met so many people on his escapades with Voltron so the name didn’t even seem _ familiar _ to him. The way his face fell and his shoulders slumped made that obvious enough. It wasn’t as if it was anything personal; that much was apparent in Lance’s appearance on _ Garfle Warfle Snick._ He wasn’t the best person with names, especially when he had heard hundreds throughout his journey through space.

“She was my daughter. The Galrans kept her prisoner on one of their ships. Voltron came to Alkafa to form an alliance and promised you’d bring all of our children back safe. Sure, you brought some back but not my Aliyah. She was four years old when she was taken. She was supposed to be staring school but, instead, she was kidnapped. You never brought her home.” Lance could see how much Dr Anderson’s hands were trembling around the weapon; a sign that he didn’t really want to hurt Lance. “I lost my baby because of you. You should have saved her.”

“We couldn’t save them all,” Images of some of the prisoners Lance had come in contact with over the course of the year in space flashed through his head but, sadly, he couldn’t remember every single one. That thought- the idea that Voltron had been the prisoners’ last hope and still failed them- it broke his heart. “Trust me, we wanted to…”

“You don’t really care. You only care about yourselves and the fame you’ve gotten from Voltron. If you did care, you would have protected Aliyah.”

“I- I’m sorry.” Lance hated himself for getting so wound up about the girl who he couldn’t remember but he couldn’t help it: it was his nature to care for everyone. It hurt to know she had been killed alongside the Galra and Voltron didn’t save her.

Dr Anderson’s eyes washed over with tears before they began to dribble down his cheeks in the same fashion as Lance’s. “You’re not sorry. None of you are. Now you, and everyone who follows you, has to pay.”

“No, they don’t. Think, everyone downstairs each has parents that will miss them too. They have friends, even more family… You can’t kill them because- because-”

“Because what?”

Lance let his head drop so he was looking down at his shoes. At the beginning of the night, they had been polished so they were shining black but, by that point, they were all scuffed and the laces had loosened. “Because that would make you as bad as the Galra.” As soon as the words were out there, Dr Anderson’s confidence spiked and he let out a growl that reminded Lance of a bear or a wolf. 

“Don’t you dare compare me to the Galra,” Dr Anderson’s tone lowered a few octaves so it had become more threatening than sad. “I am not like them. They are monsters. All I’m doing is avenging my daughter.”

“And how would she feel if she found out you killed Voltron?”

Dr Anderson faltered, breaking eye contact to stare into space for a second that seemed to drag out forever. He raised a hand and wiped away a bundle of his tears before gripping his gun just as tightly as before. After realising he wasn’t shaking so much, Lance swallowed. “She was too young to understand what you did.”

“She wouldn’t want her dad to kill someone, would she?”

“Well… no but you have given me no choice.”

“You don’t have to do anything. Stop this now and we can save all of the people downstairs.” Lance dared to pull himself up and step towards the person that had once been his trusted psychologist. His raised his hands in defence, movements slow enough that they couldn’t have been seen as threatening.

Dr Anderson mustn’t have liked the movement because he shook his head and started to yell loud enough that Lance was sure everyone in the building could hear. “They don’t deserve to be saved! They follow the people that killed Aliyah!”

“Everyone deserves to live and you know it. Please don’t do this. My friend is injured and he could be dying as we speak. He needs help before I lose him like you lost Aliyah,” Lance let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. “I lost the person I loved already. She sacrificed herself so we could win the war. It’s impossible to win a war without losing at least one soldier along the way.”

“But why did it have to be Aliyah?” Dr Anderson’s bottom lip began to wobble as a sob rose in his throat. “Why my little girl?”

“I don’t know… but think of her as another soldier. Because of her, so many people can live in peace. She helped the world become as friendly and safe as it is now.”

“She deserved to live longer. She deserved to be happy.”

“I know she did. So did Allura.”

“I- I-” Dr Anderson swallowed as he tried to compose himself. He took a deep breath and stepped towards Lance so he was able to press the barrel of his gun against his pale forehead. It felt like ice against his warm head. “It’s too late to go back now.”

Lance raised his gaze so he could make eye contact with the alien. Both of their eyes were sparkling at the memories of their loved ones and the threat of death, yet they still couldn’t find anything to unite them. “It- It isn’t too late. Turn off the security systems, call off the rebels… we can still get Keith to the hospital and no one else has to be harmed.”

“I’m sorry.” It seemed like the world moved in slow motion as Dr Anderson’s index finger moved towards the trigger. The man squeezed his eyes shut as he prepared himself to shoot. Lance’s breath hitched. He was waiting for a colossal amount of pain to hit him like a truck.

Behind them, the door burst open. Dr Anderson barely had time to process what was happening before he was being shoved backwards and the gun was being smacked from his hand. Lance blinked and turned to look at the intruder who was wearing a bright orange suit that seemed all too familiar. “Coran?” Lance blinked to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The possibility that he had already been shot and was inside the afterlife with a ginger-haired alien was surprisingly likely. “What are you doing here?”

“I went for a walk through the corridors to admire their architecture,” Coran grinned, shoving Dr Anderson against the wall and balancing an arm over his neck to keep him in place. “And the next thing I know, I’m being locked out of the main room and attacked by a rebel! I got information from him by giving him the good ol’,” Coran began to gesture with his arms as if he was strangling someone. What made the action all the more intriguing was the intense facial expressions that involved scrunching up his nose and squinting his eyes. “And a one, two, three,” He clicked his fingers before breaking out into a- somehow- even larger grin. “And bam! Sleepy time!” The moment reminded Lance of his first encounter with Coran but he didn’t have time to dwell on it because he, along with the rest of Alkafa and Voltron were all under threat.

As they were talking, Dr Anderson attempted to get Coran off him. He struggled and tried to pry out of Coran’s grasp; without any avail. To be sure, Lance bent down and picked up the alien’s gun that had slid a few metres or so away from the group. “No, you don’t,” Lance murmured. He squinted as he examined the gun from a much closer range; it didn’t seem nearly as intimidating when it wasn’t pressed against his head. “I’m sorry about Aliyah, Dr Anderson. I wish we could have saved her.”

Dr Anderson let his limbs fall limp. His eyes glossed over and he let his attempts at struggling cease to exist. “Me too.” He whispered, though his voice could hardly compared to how threatening it had been just a few moments previous.

“How does this even work?” Coran asked aloud, raising a hand to twiddle his moustache. He had backed away from the alien since he realised the alien wasn’t going to pull any more funny business without a weapon. Coran pressed an index finger into a large red button that covered a large part of the control table. A siren began ringing throughout the entire building, eliciting everyone in the room to glance up at the flashing, red alarms. Coran pressed the button again and the room lapsed back into silence. “Hmm… not like that… What about…” He pressed another button- it was blue that time- and the sprinklers came on over their heads. Lance let out a loud yelp as the cold water ran down the back of his suit, making him tense up. He raised his hands above his head as if that was a sufficient way to avoid getting his hair wet. “Not that one either.” Coran turned the sprinklers off again. “Let’s try this…” And, finally, he pressed the button that matched the orange colour of his suit down to the exact shade. The screen in front of him showed eight underscores where a code needed to be inputted.

“28231329…” Dr Anderson murmured, hanging his head. Coran cocked his head to the side and turned to stare at the alien through a pair of thin eyes.

“Why are you helping us now?”

“You didn’t kill Aliyah. It was my fault for not preventing the kidnapping in the first place. Lance, you’re a good person. I can tell…” Whilst Dr Anderson blaming himself wasn’t the best outcome of the situation, it was certainly better than him blaming Voltron. After exchanging surprised looks of wide eyes and pursed lips with Lance, Coran typed in the code.

Lance smiled at the alien to let him know they appreciated the help. “Thank you, Dr Anderson.”

“Do you know this guy?” Coran asked before pressing a button with a three etched into it. It looked like it had been used often as the number was frayed and almost unreadable.

“It’s a long story,” Lance let out a soft sigh because the story was so long and complicated that even _ he _ was confused by it all. It was kind of difficult to wrap your head around the idea that your psychologist was an alien from another planet. “Now can you call the rebels off?”

Dr Anderson brushed down the front of his trousers and huffed. “Of course. I’ll come with you downstairs.”

Neither Lance nor Coran considered the risk of trusting someone so untrustworthy. They just blindly followed the man back down the stairs to the main room where the innocent people were still trapped with the guards.


	17. Sharing the Losses

As the door was thrown open, every single person in the room turned to watch. Lance, Coran and Dr Anderson all strolled into the room, Dr Anderson and Coran unarmed whilst Lance still wielded his bayard. Dr Anderson walked out in front of the group and raised his head to speak. Just as everyone expected him to fall to his knees and wave the white flag, his lips tilted into a mischievous smile. “Shoot the leader.” He said in a complete monotone.

Lance just about had enough time to yell, “WAIT!” before he was being grabbed from behind and pulled back. Coran was in the same position, being held onto by another one of the rebels. The one who had been holding the gun to Shiro’s forehead moved his finger to the trigger but he was never able to pull it. Shiro grabbed him by the arm and twisted him around so that he had the upper hand and was able to snatch the gun from the rebel’s grip.

“Stop him!” Dr Anderson commanded, though he didn’t make any effort to stop Shiro himself. A few of the rebels dived forward but Shiro had expected it, dodging each hit as if it was some sort of dance. Whilst everyone was distracted by the combat in the middle, Pidge twirled around to shove the closest rebel to her into the wall. She knew full well that it was that rebel that had taken their bayards and had them buried inside her pockets. 

Lance was just about able to shimmy out of the rebel’s grip and latch back onto his gun so he could knock out whoever had been holding onto him. The alien dropped onto the ground with its eyes shut in a deep sleep, something Lance knew he had to take advantage of: _ he didn’t know how long he was going to be out for. _

“Everyone get out!” Coran yelled once he realised he was able to imitate Lance’s actions. The crowd began to flood out of the double doors at the front of the building as everyone desperately attempted to push their way towards safety. Once Voltron were left with the rebels on their own, Coran made eye contact with Shiro. “I’m going to get help!”

“Go!” Shiro responded, hands clenching into fists as he prepared himself for the fight that was about to come. Coran raced out of the building behind the crowd whilst occasionally shouting commands that would both control and reassure all of the people. 

Pidge threw everyone their bayards once the rebel she had been attacking was out cold. Once she had thrown Hunk’s at him, he was much more confident in his actions. He used the butt of his gun to knock out the nearest rebel to him. No one wanted to _ kill _ the rebels so they took their turns knocking them out until Dr Anderson was the only one left standing. Pidge cracked her knuckles and whipped out her bayard. Lance nodded at her which she accepted as her cue to circle the psychologist until he was wrapped up in her bayard and rendered immobile. 

“Dr Anderson… why would you do that?” Lance asked, lowering his head but still maintaining eye contact. There was something about the direct mode of address that made Lance feel like he had power over the ‘person’ that had once been his psychologist. Dr Anderson appeared much more vulnerable when his glossed over eyes were revealed to the rest of the world. “I thought you were going to help us. Why didn’t you? I thought we agreed that we would have saved your daughter if we could.” He kept his voice soft, as if he was approaching a cracked shard of glass and trying his hardest not to break it. He raised his eyebrows and let condolence wash over his face. He wanted Dr Anderson to know that they weren’t enemies. Lance was truly sorry for his loss and he hated how much pain the alien had been put through. “I want to help you, okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You deserve to die!” Dr Anderson yelled, face scrunched up as he used all of his strength to struggle against the restraints. He looked like an animal suffering from rabies. There was a dark glint in his eyes that couldn’t have been mistaken for anything except for an intense desire to kill. His jaw was tense all of the time, apart from when he was screaming insults and swear words at Voltron. He hardly resembled the composed, calm man that Lance had talked to about his problems in the past.

“No, we don’t. No one deserves to die. It’s too late now anyway. We’ve got you now.”

“You killed her! You killed my daughter! Voltron are murderers! They don’t deserve to be followed!” Dr Anderson was rambling with his yells, sounding delirious. It was getting to the point where it would have been more appropriate for him to _ see _ a psychologist himself, as opposed to _ being _ the psychologist that other people saw for help. Lance took a tentative step forward and placed a hand on the doctor’s shoulder, swallowing as he composed himself. Dr Anderson continued his attempts to escape but he was tied up too tight to even touch Lance.

“We didn’t kill her. The Galra did. It was the Galra who were the murderers. You know that, don’t you? They’re the ones who kidnapped Aliyah in the first place.”

“You promised you would save her,” Dr Anderson spat the words out like venom. His face was still rather scrunched up from all the pent up fury inside his chest. “You promised. All you do is break promises!”

“Killing us isn’t going to bring Aliyah back, is it? All you’re going to do is commit a crime. You won’t gain anything. You’re just going to ruin your own life and get yourself locked up until the day you die.” Dr Anderson didn’t say anything as his eyes grazed his surroundings, looking everywhere except at the paladins. “You know that so why won’t you stop? There are many other families who have lost just like you but their sacrifice has contributed to making the universe safer.”

“But she was too young. It shouldn’t have been her. It should have been one of you.”

“We lost too, Dr Anderson. I lost the girl I had fallen in love with,” Dr Anderson connected his eyes with Lance’s again, just to read the sincerity hidden behind the paladin’s tears. Lance was holding out his hand as a simple gesture of _ alliance_. When Lance next spoke, his voice cracked in a way that told Dr Anderson that he really knew what he was talking about. “I know we won the war against the Galra but that doesn’t mean alliances aren’t needed anymore. The universe is still a dangerous place. As much as we’d like to, Voltron can’t save everybody. If everyone from all different planets came together to make the universe a safer place, maybe we would be able to save more people.”

Shiro stepped forward, swallowing as his washed over eyes stared at his feet. He forced himself to look up and meet eyes with the man who had almost had him killed. It wasn’t easy but Shiro see the terrified alien hidden behind the angry, aggressive demeanour. He had seen the same look in Keith all of those times that his temper had gotten the better of him at the Garrison. He had seen it in Adam when he had threatened to go into space. He had seen it in his colleagues when he had told them that he was going against Iverson’s commands by leaving Earth and going to Kerberos. He cleared his throat but that didn’t prevent his voice from cracking when he decided to speak. “I lost my arm and a fellow leader because of the Galra. Whilst I can be given endless mechanical arms,” He waved his metal arm to prove the point. “I can never get the real thing or- or my friend back.”

“We’ve all lost someone. A member of our team,” Hunk was speaking the softest, considering he had always been the best at comforting people. He was like a massive teddy bear that people instinctively clung to whenever they needed emotional- or even physical- comfort. A natural when it came to making people feel relaxed, Hunk always accepted his role as the team’s teddy bear. "Coran lost his entire planet.”

“But…” Dr Anderson trailed off as he was unable to find an argument that supported his views enough. 

“We may even lose a second teammate,” Hunk gestured to Keith whose eyes were still glued shut. His face had paled a few shades since he had been shot and had been left unconscious. “You aren’t alone in your grief but killing others isn’t the way to go about dealing with it.”

Lance let out a soft chuckle. “Take your own advice as a psychologist and talk about it.”

The doctor let out a heavy sob, finally stilling. Tears trailed down his cheeks, full of regret and sorrow. At that exact moment, the door was thrown open again to reveal Matt and his teammates, wielding their own amazing weaponry. “It’s over. Get them out of here and I’ll look after Keith.” His teammates nodded in unison before walking over to the nearest rebels- who appeared to be just coming to- and cuffing them up. They each blinked with similar looks of confusion on their faces. Matt rushed towards Keith and felt for a pulse, fingers pressing into the red paladin’s wrist.

“It was a laser gun,” Pidge explained. She had been the closest to Keith when it had happened and, whilst her teammates had been talking to Dr Anderson, she had taken it upon herself to examine a gun one of the rebels had dropped. “I think it must have been the shock that knocked him out.” Matt nodded before tugging Keith’s suit off of him. He then unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a nasty red burn that covered a large proportion of his shoulder. It had blistered over in most places, making the skin almost unrecognisable. 

“He needs a hospital. It could easily get infected and there may be tissue damage. How long has he been lying here?”

“A while…” Matt nodded before he and Hunk hoisted Keith up so they could rush him out of the building towards the help he needed.


	18. They Made Me Feel Crazy

“The doctor said you were lucky.” Lance murmured, refusing to meet eyes with Keith. He was sat beside Keith’s bed and had hardly moved since Keith had been taken in (not that he would ever admit that). Keith’s arm was in a sling, the area that the laser gun had burned covered in a thick, white cream.

“Yeah, I’m so lucky to have been shot at by an alien gun. It was a miracle-” Keith started to ramble, rolling his eyes so that it was obvious he was joking around.

Lance pouted, clenching his right hand into a weak fist and hitting Keith’s good shoulder. “You know what I meant. The burn could have gotten infected or something but it didn’t.”

Keith raised his eyebrows and put on an exaggerated grin that Lance could tell was fake. “All of you were being badasses and defending yourselves whilst I passed out within minutes of the rebels showing up.”

“Don’t worry,” Lance pat Keith’s head as opposed to punching him that time. The gesture was so soft that both boys found it next to impossible not to dwell on the domesticity of it. Lance retracted his hand and shoved it back into his pocket so that they could both forget the touch had ever happened. “You’re usually the badass so that was our turn. It’s only fair that we get a chance to be in the spotlight for once.”

Keith didn’t meet Lance’s eyes which made it clear that he had some sort of pent up feelings that he wasn’t willing to share. Lance, being one of Keith’s closest friends, could tell he was trying to hide something; potentially guilt or even fear. Before Lance could press on and ask him about it, Shiro walked into the room with two takeaway cups full of the Alkafan’s equivalent of coffee. He sent Keith a quick, encouraging smile as he handed them to the pair. “I’m sure you both need caffeine.” He laughed but neither of the boys reciprocated the sound.

“Thanks,” Keith took a sip, unphased by the temperature of the beverage. It left a green foam on his top lip but neither Lance nor Shiro had the heart to tell him. Luckily, Keith wiped his mouth with his sleeve just a moment later. “Shiro, could you do me a favour and go and get Hunk and Pidge? I haven’t seen them yet.”

“Oh, of course.”

As soon as Shiro was out of the room, Keith turned to Lance and met his gaze for what felt like the first time in a million years. Keith meeting Lance’s gaze could have been a national holiday with how rare it seemed to occur. “Are you okay?” He asked, voice soft and full of a weird amount of concern for Keith. It seemed so uncharacteristic of the red paladin as it heavily contrasted the impulsive, hot-headed man he was known to be. At that moment, he seemed like he _ cared _ about Lance.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Do…” Keith let out a sigh. It was clear he was composing himself for a big question which left Lance wondering what could possibly have been so difficult for Keith to say. “Do you hate me for what I did?”

Silence lapsed throughout the room as Lance debated what to say. It was clear that Keith was talking about Henry Griffin but was terrified to use the man’s name with the heavy weights that always came in conjunction with it. He stared down at his shoes and fiddled with his hands as a way of keeping his mind preoccupied. Shifting his weight from one foot to another, he mumbled, “No, I get it.”

“Do you?”

Lance nodded but, still, he didn’t look up. “He hurt your friend; you were angry.”

“Yeah… I get,” Another sigh. “I get nightmares about it.”

Knowing how difficult Keith found it to open up, Lance shifted so he was able to prop himself against the edge of the bed. He held out his hand to balance it on Keith’s arm, forcing a sympathetic smile for his friend’s sake. “I’m sure you do. If I can do anything to help-”

Keith shook his head. “I deserve it,” Confused as to what he was referring to, Lance flickered his gaze up and raised his eyebrows. “The pain; the- the guilt.”

“You don’t deserve-”

“How have you been since you left Earth again? I’m sure you miss your family.” Upon being interrupted, Lance realised Keith really didn’t want to talk about it. He made a mental note to reassure Keith at a later date so he could go along with Keith’s question at that moment.

“I do,” Lance glanced down at his nails that were still covered in chipped, faded blue nail varnish. He had been trying his hardest not to rub it off since he had been in space because it was all he had left of Carlos and Maria. “But they didn’t trust me at all. They all thought I was insane and had made up everything about Voltron.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry. That must be really difficult.”

Lance shrugged, blinking away tears. “There isn’t anything you could do about it.”

Keith had never been the best at comforting people so raised his good arm to scratch at the back of his neck. When he next spoke, his voice was much quieter and laced with uncertainty. “I could tell you were sad when I saw you.” Lance’s head jerked up and he thinned his eyes, puzzled.

“You… what..?”

“I came to visit you a few times,” Keith said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “To check on you. Don’t you remember?”

“You did? I didn’t dream that?”

“Technically, I guess you did. Pidge was able to make something using quintessence and the red lion’s consciousness that allowed me to find you in your dreams. It was really complicated so I zoned out when she tried to explain it to me.”

Lance let out a harsh laugh that shook his entire body like an earthquake. “I didn’t imagine it then. My family made me feel like I was crazy.”

“I’m sorry… I just had to check on you and make sure you were okay.”

“Aw,” A teasing smile tugged at Lance’s lips. “Do you care about me, mullet?”

“Of course I don’t!” Keith practically yelled, though his cheeks flushed, saying otherwise.

-

“And this is the living space.” Hunk grinned as he pointed towards a large room that had a clear theme to it. There were five bean bags together in a group, each with cute lion faces drawn on the front and lion ears coming out of the top. There was a large flat screen TV hung up on the wall with Pidge’s gaming devices beneath it and piles of different games alongside it. The collection had grown significantly since Lance had last seen it. There was a bookcase against the wall but it had a series of different board games stacked in it as opposed to books, including one with _ Monsters and Mana _ scrawled across it in a medieval, cursive font. A multi-coloured checkered carpet covered most of the floor, though half of it was hidden by a small coffee table.

“Wow this is really cool,” was Lance’s initial reaction upon walking into the room. His shoes seemed to sink into the carpet whilst his hands felt the different fabrics of the pillows spread across the sofa. “Allura would have loved it.”

“She would have.”

Right in the middle of the back wall, on top of all the sofas was a framed photo. The photo wasn’t something random but something they all held very close to their hearts. It was a group selfie of team Voltron, including Allura who looked happier than ever. Lance raised his hand to his heart and wished that she had experienced all the happiness she had deserved within her last moments. 

Letting out a soft sigh, Lance lowered his head to glance at his feet. “I miss her.” Hunk wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him into a hug.

“We all do…” He whispered, just as Lance let out a soft sob into his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've disconnected from my stories a bit so I'd like to be able to interact with readers more! I miss reading comments a lot because I just haven't been receiving them. I'm going to try and include a few more questions in author's notes so I can talk to you guys a bit more. So how are you doing?


	19. Going Home (Again)

Shiro stepped to his left so he could block Pidge and Lance’s view of the television. He had his arms folded and an eyebrow raised, clearly unimpressed by their behaviour. They had been sat in the living room all day, screaming at the TV as their fingers frantically smashed the buttons on their gaming remotes. Shiro never would be able to understand the appeal of killing people within video games with graphics that sort of resembled real life but still weren’t quite right. “You’ve been playing video games all day.” He pointed out the obvious in his authoritative _ dad _tone.

Pidge knew Shiro well enough to snap, “You’re not my dad.” She waved her hands in the air in an attempt to get Shiro to move out of the way. On the screen, her character was still, jumping up and down from inactivity and restlessness. If she had been playing Crash Bandicoot, Crash would have been throwing his wumpa fruit up in the air by then. “Shiro, please move. Just one more game.”

“No. No more games. Have you even eaten lunch?” Lance opened his mouth to respond but Shiro spoke up again before he could say anything. “No, chips don’t count.” Lance snapped it shut again. His head lowered so he was able to look down at his remote with a frown that loosely resembled a pout glued to his face. He looked like a five-year-old who had been denied ice cream; not a brave defender of the universe who had saved many lives.

“We’ll eat after this game, alright?” Pidge thinned her eyes to glare at Shiro, though, of course, it didn’t give her the magical ability to look through him like a pane of glass. All she wanted was to destroy Lance and claim victory. _ Was that too much to ask for? _

“Nope. I have news for all of you anyway. Come into the meeting room with me after you get a sandwich or something.”

“Whatever.” As soon as Shiro moved out of the way, Pidge began button-smashing again and trying her hardest to demolish Lance’s character. As Pidge let out a profanity so intense that most people shunned it, he rolled his eyes and left the pair to it.

-

“We’re going back to Earth.”

As soon as the words escaped Shiro’s mouth, the room lapsed into silence. Coran smiled as if he already knew what was coming whilst Lance and Keith exchanged identical concerned looks. Hunk and Pidge began murmuring to each other with puzzled expressions on their faces. Shiro clapped his hands as a call for silence.

“Coran and I both believe Altean and Alkafan technology can be utilised on Earth. We could build things alongside Garrison technicians so Earth security can be optimised. Pidge, you have learnt so much about Alkafan ways.” Coran nodded from where he was standing alongside Shiro, agreeing silently.

“But… aren’t we needed in space?” Pidge spoke up, standing up to draw attention to herself. Everyone turned to look at her as mixed emotions swirled in the pits of all of their chests. 

“Not anymore. We have dealt with the Alkafan rebels and the Galra are no longer an issue.”

Lance raised both his eyebrows and a single eyebrow. “When will we go back then?”

“Soon. Coran reckons that it will take about a week if we take the Castle or a few days if we go just by lion.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I think we should take the lions. Coming to Earth in a massive castle ship might be dangerous. We aren’t sure how they’re going to react. I was actually thinking we could land one lion at a time so we can explain.”

“I think that’s probably best,” Lance stared down at where he had balanced his hands on top of the table. “They didn’t react well when I tried to tell them about Voltron so imagine how they’re going to react when they actually see the lion.”

“I must ask,” Keith cleared his throat so everyone had time to turn to face him. “Are we going back to our original lions. Since Allura-”

Lance nodded so they didn’t have to talk about the princess any longer than they had to: it was still a soft spot for him. “Blue came to get me on Earth so I think she’ll be happy to have me as the blue paladin again. As for red, she loves Keith.”

“And black should accept me… or I can hope she will at least.” Shiro mumbled.

“And will we be staying on Earth?” Keith had crinkled eyebrows that made him look almost concerned. His voice also seemed sad and shaky which was unusual for such a reserved paladin who usually made a point of pretending to be emotionless.

“For the foreseeable future, I think so.”

“When do we leave then?”

“Soon. We need to decide who is going to land first.” 

Lance pulled himself up to his feet, his chair making an obscenely loud scraping noise as he did so. The sound seemed to echo around the room like an elephant in the room that no one dared to mention. He closed his eyes and raised his head before opening them up again. “I’ll go. I’ve been there recently so I think I’ll be able to reassure them.”

Keith nodded, though he still didn’t seem too pleased about the situation. “I think he’d be the best option. Lance is really good at reassuring people.”

Lance turned his head to briefly meet eyes with the red paladin, just as a smile tugged at his lips. “You complimenting me, mullet?”

“No, I’m stating the facts.” It seemed oddly suspicious that Keith had a tendency to flush a deep, dark red whenever Lance teased him. 

“Does everyone agree?” After a series of nods from the other paladins, Shiro smiled in a way that confirmed the plans. “That settles it then. Lance is going to represent us and go back to Earth.”

“Again.”

“Again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Pidge and Lance were playing video games earlier, today I am going to ask what your favourite video games are. Mine is Shadow of the Colossus :)


	20. Skating on Thin Ice

Lance shifted the controls inside of Blue, murmuring, “It’s alright, girl. We can land here. It’s safe.” With that, he pulled Blue down onto a large stretch of grass before shutting her down. Lance pulled himself up onto his feet and smiled as her doors automatically opened for him to exit out of. Climbing down, he glanced around a familiar field. It was muddy but he didn’t mind at all: he was just happy to breathe in the air from Earth again. Upon hearing (and seeing) a large mechanical lion land, many of the Garrison teachers had rushed out to see what all the commotion was. A few students that had been hanging out in their dorms also came out, including one particular boy with rugged, brown hair who was wearing a large hoodie and ripped jeans. Something told Lance that he recognised his face but he couldn’t quite connect it to a name.

Iverson stepped in front of the crowd and raised one arm to silence everyone who had been talking in hushed whispers. “State your name and-” Who was standing there must have taken a moment to kick in because Iverson seemed to lose his train of thought. “Lance McClain?” His mouth dropped open as he stared into one of the students that had gone missing under his leadership. The last thing he had heard, Lance and his family had all gone psychotic and made up a story about space lions or something. Just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, Iverson pinched himself but, surely enough, it was real.

“Yup, that’s me.” Lance grinned, pointing at himself with his thumbs. “I’m here to talk to someone and I think you’ll do perfectly, Iverson,” Silence washed over the field for a brief moment before Lance took it upon himself to speak up again. “Can we take this inside?”

“I-” Iverson blinked. It was clear he was still trying to figure out whether he was inside a lucid dream. “I suppose so…”

“Will you make sure nothing hurts Blue? She doesn’t like the way everyone is looking at her.”

Iverson shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. He couldn’t believe the bizarrity of the situation. “I- I mean sure. Can you talk to that thing?”

“She doesn’t appreciate being called a thing. She prefers to go by Blue.” As if responding to Lance’s statement, the mechanical lion raised her head and opened her mouth to produce a loud roar that seemed to shake every little blade of grass on the field. Iverson paled as if he had seen a ghost.

-

“As you know, I went missing for a year. I spent my time up in space with Blue,” Lance started, making Iverson nod because _ he knew that much_. He just couldn’t connect being kidnapped or running away with space, of all things. Lance had never been the top pilot so it didn’t make sense that he would be able to make his way into space without stealing any Garrison technology. Nothing was missing. Iverson didn’t understand where the lion came into it either. There just wasn’t a chance a ship so extravagant was hidden somewhere on _ Earth_. Someone would have found it. How did one of the most mediocre students, who failed every single simulator he tried, find it before anyone else? “There were another four lions too. We were defending the universe against an evil race known as the Galra. We won the battle, as you can probably tell because I’m here to tell the tale.”

“How do I know you’re not making this up?” Iverson had every reason to be sceptical as his eyebrows just climbed and climbed his forehead. Lance half expected them to reach the roof and part of Iverson did too. Lance _ had _ always been a bit of a troublemaker but not once did Iverson consider him going that far.

“You saw the lion, didn’t you? You know that was real so why would I lie about the rest?”

“I don’t know… it just all sounds so insane... “ Iverson shifted back in his seat, shaking his head in a colossal amount of disbelief. He rubbed his eyes with his fists but the hope that he would wake up and everything would be normal again had phased away by then. “Why are you even telling me this?”

“Because I think we can help you. The Garrison is the most high-tech place on Earth. We can use the technology we discovered to help you grow even more advanced. We met two aliens from a planet known as Altea and others from Alkafa which had some amazing technology we could utilise to make Earth more defensive against attacks.”

“Why should we trust you?”

Lance raised his hands in defence, smiling a stupid smile that Iverson had come to hate throughout the student’s time at the Garrison. It was the exact one he would do whenever he knew he had weaseled his way out of trouble; Iverson had seen in many more times that he wanted to. “You saw what you saw, Sir.” Then there was that _ tone_. The one students didn’t deserve to use that meant _I have power over you_. Lance McClain had never been Iverson’s least favourite student but, at that moment, he was skating on thin ice.

“Who else is with you?”

“Katie Holt, Takashi Shirogane, Keith Kogane and Hunk Garret.”

Iverson let out a long huff that made him question exactly why he was debating trusting Lance McClain of all people. “Show us the other lions and then we’ll consider. We need to know you aren’t pulling some sort of prank. If you are, there will be serious consequences. We could get you sent to prison for-”

“Yes, I understand, Sir. You won’t regret this.”

“I better not.” Iverson could only hope that, when he saw Takashi Shirogane, a trusted Garrison pilot, he would feel more reassured.


	21. Home.

Showing Iverson and the rest of the higher-ups at the Garrison proved enough to get them to partake in the alliance. Shiro had shook Iverson’s hand on it and shot him a wide grin that confirmed it. The moment each lion landed, each pilot knowing they were going to be able to see their families again, they couldn’t get out of their lions fast enough. The closest people in their lives were waiting for them as they landed, arms open so they could pull them into group hugs that lasted long enough to make anyone uncomfortable. Still, it didn’t feel like enough to make up for all of the lost time.

Hunk sobbed into his mum’s chest, his little nieces gripping onto his legs harsh enough to get their determination put across. His other mum and his uncle were holding onto him, tears pricking in their eyes as they found themselves unable to believe the situation. They had been told that their son had been kidnapped and the chances of him being dead were higher than anyone wanted to admit. Pidge ran forward to hug her mum and dad, letting out a heavy sob once they made contact. Despite being a small person, she nearly knocked her parents over with the force of the embrace. Shiro’s jaw catapulted to the floor as he saw Adam waiting for him, a soft smile on his face. Shiro ran forward, almost tripping over his own feet in the process, and tackled his boyfriend into a hug. Lance also raced towards his family where his siblings, Carlos and Maria, were waiting. He was enveloped into a group embrace, chest tight as tears escaped from his eyes. It all felt like some overly cheesy scene in a movie but no one seemed too bothered. They were just happy to be home.

Keith was last to leave his lion. He strolled down the steps, assuming there wouldn’t be anyone waiting for him. He stopped in his step, tears clouding in his eyes and arms falling to his sides as he saw someone waiting specifically for him. “James…” The name escaped his mouth no louder than an exhale of air: _ he couldn’t believe it _.

James raced forward, quicker than Keith had ever seen him move. He tackled Keith so harshly that the pair crashed to the ground, scraping their backsides in the process but not having a care in the world. James buried his head into Keith’s neck, whispering, “I missed you so much,” over and over again as if it was about to go out of fashion. Their bodily position looked like that of two people who were involved in a romantic relationship as James was clinging to Keith and had one of his legs in between Keith’s. When they pulled back, Keith stood up first before holding out his hand and helping James up too.

“I didn’t know you were coming back but I overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have. Someone said your name and I was too curious not to listen in on them.” James’s face flushed a deep red as he avoided Keith’s gaze by staring at his feet. His hands were growing more and more clammy by the second so he wiped them against his jeans. Something about Keith just made him nervous. “You’re such an idiot.” His words suddenly sounded harsh which, in conjunction with the way James punched Keith’s arm, made Keith’s face fall.

“What why?”

James scowled but found it difficult to maintain the facial expression upon hearing Keith’s hurt voice. He sounded like a kicked puppy which, although it contrasted Keith in every single way, was still the cutest thing in the world (not that James would admit that). “You didn’t tell me you were going into space. I thought we told each other everything.”

“It was kind of an in-the-moment kind of decision. I promise I’ll tell you next time.”

“Yeah because there’s totally going to be a next time you’re going to get whisked away into space by some weird ass space lions.” James chuckled and shook his head at the disbelief towards his own statement. They lapsed into silence for a moment as Keith stared at their shoes and James lifted his bashful gaze to look at Keith. His eyes drank in Keith’s attractiveness right down to his perfect cheekbones and the beautiful universes behind his eyes whilst a fond smile tugged at his lips. “So you and Lance, huh?”

The simple question was enough to make Keith jolt backwards. His eyes widened to the comical size of saucers whilst he shook his hands in a way that could have been perceived as frantic. “What?! No, no-”

“You were totally infatuated by him back at the Garrison and spent a whole year with him in space. Tell me you’re not together.”

“We aren’t together.”

“Did you at least hook up?” It was Keith’s turn to scowl. His face darkened as he shook his head hard enough to make his hair fly out in all different directions. “No way… Did he reject you?”

Keith avoided James’s gaze for a long moment before he connected their eyes and murmured, “He fell in love with someone else.”

James pat Keith’s back with a sympathetic smile spread across his cheeks, trying his hardest to contain his inner excitement. “I’m sorry, dude,” Keith shrugged but there was sadness behind his irises; the kind only a good friend would notice. “Come on, I need to show you something I found the other day.” Keith didn’t argue as James grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the school building, despite the rest of his team staying in place.

Neither of them said a word until they reached what Keith could still recognise to be James’s dorm. James practically dived towards his bedside table, beginning to sift through the items in the top drawer. As soon as he found what he was looking for, he held it up in the air like some sort of trophy. Confused, Keith stepped forward and took what looked like a regular piece of paper from his friend. He thinned his eyes at what appeared to actually be an image. As he processed it, his lips slowly curled into a smile.

It was a picture of James and Keith, sitting on the branch of a tree together. They were low enough down that someone- _ Shiro, Keith recalled _\- was able to snap a close-up photo. Neither of the boys were showing teeth but both were wearing similar half-smiles and James had his arm slung around Keith. “I remember that day. We really didn’t want to get our photo taken but Shiro insisted.” Keith mumbled, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“Yep, he said we’d regret it if we never took photos so we let him take one,” James smiled fondly at the memory. It was one of the few times he could remember being happy as a kid, even if he was well aware of the bruises that scattered the photo-version of his torso, hidden beneath his baggy hoodie. “The next day he printed a copy off for both of us and told us to make a scrapbook or something so we wouldn’t forget the times we spent together.”

“Yeah and he said it would help my anger issues,” Keith snorted but his laugh faded quick enough for both to forget that it had ever been there. “I don’t know what I did with the picture…” When Keith admitted the truth, he half expected James to be angry at him but both knew he had never been a sentimental person. There was just something about being thrown from foster home to foster home with less than one full suitcase of belongings that took away all kinds of sentimentality in a person.

“If it makes you feel better, I had lost it too. I just happened to stumble across it the other day when clearing stuff out.”

“Why didn’t you throw it away?” The question lingered in the air as James debated the best way to answer it. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times until he found the words he felt were right.

“I missed you. I missed having a friend. Sure, I’ve got the other pilots in my class but they aren’t the same.”

“How come?”

James shrugged, keeping his eyes downcast. He took the picture back from Keith and began to fiddle with the corner of it, a sign that he was nervous… _ but why? _ “They don’t like me like you do. They get pissed at me all the time because they think I’m trying to start arguments when I’m abrupt. They think I’m uptight because I like to follow orders and rules. It sucks…”

“I’m sure it does,” Keith could remember when he was just like the others. He had rolled his eyes every time James’s hand had shot up to answer a teacher’s question in class. When he found James’s name just below his when it came to the simulator performances, he had always felt like punching something- someone; _ James._ Then he had gotten to know the boy for real and realised there was so much hidden beneath the surface of his complex personality. Once they had grown closer, Keith realised just how alike they were. “I’m sorry I was like them before.”

“It’s alright. I don’t exactly blame you,” James swallowed and placed the picture back in the drawer he had gotten it from. Keith couldn’t help but notice how much his hands were trembling as he tried to latch onto the handle of the drawer to push it shut. It was almost blurry. “I’d hate me too.” He let out a laugh to lighten his statement but Keith didn’t seem at all amused.

“Are you alright? You’re shaking.”

James’s gaze flickered to his hands as if he had only just noticed the reason why he kept missing the handle. He blinked a couple of times before turning his head so he was able to look at Keith. Time seemed to stop as James’s lips remained pursed by his arm moved to snake around Keith’s body. He noted how much slimmer Keith seemed to have grown since being in space. Keith didn’t question the touch and only stepped forward to press his chest against his friend’s. Neither fully registered what was happening until James was bending over ever so slightly to press his lips against Keith’s.

As a fire set ablaze in James’s chest, Keith’s heart was beating a mile a minute. His mind flooded with an abundance of different thoughts. _ Do I still like Lance? Do I like James? Why am I enjoying this so much? I thought James was straight. What is happening? _

After a long, blissful moment that seemed to be over much too soon, they parted. Both were breathing heavily and Keith’s arm was still wrapped around his friend. James’s hand had made its way up to Keith’s cheek so he was able to feel the soft skin of Keith’s face. They stood in silence, getting lost in the worlds behind their eyes before what had happened finally kicked in. “I’m sorry,” James murmured, shoving Keith away from him. He turned his entire body around so he didn’t have to see the look of disgust he was sure resided in Keith’s expression. “I shouldn’t have done that. You like Lance.”

“Lance will never like me back,” Keith blurted out, still trying to figure out why his heart was beating so goddamn fast. “I don’t know how I feel anyway.”

“You don’t know he doesn’t like you.”

“I do… I’ve never been good with emotions anyway. Maybe,” Keith flickered his gaze up to meet James’s eyes. He could still see the fragile, broken boy he had first befriended back in the day when James’s dad had made his life hell. “I don’t know. Do I like you?”

“I don’t know, Keith.”

“Maybe I do because that kiss was really nice.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Please…” Keith whispered, though it sounded more like a mere exhale of air. James turned back and barely gave himself time to think before he latched onto Keith’s collar and pulled him in for another kiss.

That one lasted a few seconds longer. When they parted, James used his strength to twirl them around so he could press Keith into his bed and press another long kiss to his lips.

-

Meanwhile, Lance was still buried in a hug from his mum. She was too petrified to let her baby boy go as she rubbed his back and murmured kind words into his neck. “Lo siento, hijo. Debí haberte creído… **(I should have believed you)**” Her voice was muffled but Lance could just about make her words out.

“No te preocupes, mamá.” He replied, voice cracking as a result of his sobbing. He felt like he was on the verge of dehydration with how many tears he had shed since being reunited with his family all over again. It felt so much more sincere that time as a result of his parents actually knowing he wasn’t insane.

“Siento decepcionarte. **(I’m sorry to disappoint you)** Yo debería haber sido un mejor mamá. **(I should have been a better mum)**”

“No, no, eres perfecto,” Lance’s voice lost it on the last word, making it almost inaudible. Luckily, his mother knew him enough to know exactly what he was trying to say. She reached up with her dry hands to wipe away the lone tear trailing down her son’s cheek. "Te quiero. **(No, no, you're perfect. I love you)**”

-

“You said you wouldn’t be here when I get back…” Shiro murmured, his human-hand clutching onto Adam’s soft jacket. It was his work uniform, though the design appeared to have changed since Shiro had last been at the Garrison. They had long since stopped hugging and the air around them had become heavy and tense.

“I know and I’m sorry. I was just… I was scared, Takashi.” Shiro smiled softly as he leaned forward to wipe away all of the tears spilling down Adam’s cheeks. His face was still as soft as Shiro remembered (he was nearly as bad as Lance when it came to face products as difficult as that was).

“Does that mean you’ll take me back?”

“Of course. I never want to lose you again. This year has been hell. I thought you were- I thought-” Adam hunched over as sobs began to shake through his body. Shiro had never seen him so _ broken _ before so instinctively brought him into a loving embrace and began to rub circles on his back. 

“I know what the Garrison told you and I’m so sorry. They had no idea what was really happening up in space.”

“What did happen, ‘kashi? How did you- you lose your arm?”

“It’s a long story…”

They pulled apart and Adam cupped Shiro’s cheeks with his dark hands. He smiled softly as he leaned forward, just to whisper, “We have all the time in the world now.”

Shiro almost broke down in tears but he had to keep it together for Adam. For the rest of his team. For Earth. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck before mumbling, “Well it all started when the Kerberos mission went wrong. I was…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a nice, happy chapter to post on my birthday :) I hope you enjoyed it!


	22. Investigation

“So what, you’re together now?” Lance questioned, raising his eyebrows as he waited for an answer. Keith turned his head and refused to make eye contact whilst James blushed so much that he could have been mistaken for a tomato.

“I guess…” Keith eventually ended up mumbling. He seemed more absorbed in a loose thread in his trousers than in the conversation topic. Lance’s eyes dropped to where Keith’s hand was lingering besides James’s, too nervous to actually touch him but clearly wanting to do so.

“Oh my God,” Pidge jumped up with enough power to shake the room. She stormed towards James and poked him in the middle of his chest so he stumbled backwards from the force. James looked petrified as he shakily raised his hands in defence. “You better not lay a hand on him or I will find you. I know how to get away with murder, by the way.”

(Little did James know, his boyfriend knew how to get away with it too.) 

The colour drained from James’s face and, upon noticing, Keith _ finally _ reached out and connected their hands. The subject of _ hurting people _ and _ abuse _ was still touchy for James, even though his father and long since gone. It wasn’t quite as bad as Shiro’s PTSD but that didn’t make it any less valid and Keith wanted James to feel comfortable around his friends; not threatened. “He won’t hurt me. Leave him alone, Pidge.”

“Good.” Pidge broke out into a grin that made the entire room question how her mood was able to change so quickly. “Now, Hunk and I have some business to attend to.” With that, she grabbed Hunk’s arm and tugged him out of the room so they could continue working on the technology with the Garrison’s top scientists. Unsurprisingly, it was a high-demand job that took up most of their time.

Shiro let out a satisfied sigh, smiling at Keith and James who still seemed rather bashful about their relationship. He raised his human hand to pat Keith on the shoulder in a way that was full of pride before mumbling, “I’m glad you two get on so well. You suit each other.”

“Thanks…” James and Keith murmured in unison. They were hanging their heads so both had a tuft of fringe hanging over their eyes, still embarrassed. If Lance was happier for them, he would have laughed and called them a pair of emos: _ that was exactly what they were. _

“I need to go too. I promised Adam I’d take him out on enough dates to make up for my disappearance. I have a lot of dinners to make.” With a little wave and a grin, Shiro walked out. That left Lance alone with the new couple.

“Congrats…” Lance muttered, though he refused to meet either of their gazes. At some point, his hands had snaked into the pockets of his jeans and his shoulders had slumped in a way that made it appear like he took the news negatively. Still, he forced a smile.

“Are you alright?” Keith could see right through his friend as if he was a transparent pane of glass. “You seem upset.” Keith was the one to state the obvious: he had never been one to beat around the bush. Lance shook his head before making something up about needing to be somewhere and fleeing the conversation. James’s eyes didn’t leave the paladin until he was out of the door and out of sight. He couldn’t help but feel like Lance was bothered but he could only hope it wasn’t for the reason he thought it was.

-

“Did you hear?” Robin questioned, leaning back in her chair so she could make eye contact with Bentley. Since starting the case, the bags beneath Bentley’s eyes had thickened in size and nearly everyone on the precinct had noticed. Despite constantly teasing the youngest of them, they did sympathise with him since they knew he had a young baby at home and was short on money. They saw him as the little kid in the precinct; someone they had to look after.

“Hear what?” Bentley mumbled, not bothering to look up from his notebook. He had spent all day up to that point rereading every single note he had made since the case had started. After McClain’s mother had lost it and started to claim that she had seen the lion, he felt like he had hit a deadend. It felt like he was going on holiday but just found out that the main road he needed to use was closed off for roadworks. He had hoped reading the notes back would kickstart some motivation but he couldn’t find anything that would help. 

“Those kids have been found.”

Bentley froze, mouth dropping open. His hands went stiff around the paper he was reading and it took mere seconds for them to begin clamming up. “What kids?” _ There was no way:_ it was _ his _ case so surely he would be the first person to know. 

“The ones you’re investigating, you dumbass. They came back from space this morning. I thought someone would’ve told you.”

Bentley buried his head into his hands and let out a prolonged sigh. He couldn’t help but notice just how greasy his skin was and, that morning, he could have sworn he had found a grey hair on his head. “That must have been what Sandra was trying to tell me. She said it was important but I refused to talk to her because I wanted to check all my notes.”

“Probably. I think you better interview them, especially since all that lion bullshit McClain kept going on about has turned out to be true.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope.”

As Bentley ran a hand through his hair- that was probably growing greyer by the minute- he shook his head repeatedly. “I can’t believe this… Was Kogane with them?”

“Apparently.” Robin shrugged, turning back to her computer to type something. Bentley didn’t understand how she could be so nonchalant about it when he was tearing himself apart from the inside. He was sure the case would make it into the history books with how bizarre and unbelievable it was. _ Maybe if he solved it, he would go down in history too… but was there even a case to still solve anymore? _

-

Keith had only just been on Earth a day when someone knocked on the door of the dorm he was temporarily staying in. He stood up and pulled it open, expecting it to be James or Shiro; maybe even Hunk or Pidge if they needed something. Instead, he stood face-to-face with a police officer.

“My name is Officer Bentley. Are you Keith Kogane?” Officer Bentley asked, raising his eyebrows as he let himself into the room. Keith kept his jaw tense as he nodded.

“Can I help you?”

The officer let out a sigh before it was his turn to nod and force a smile. “Why yes, you can. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.”

“Oh… okay.” Keith could feel the colour draining from his face by the minute but he continued to maintain his confident demeanour. 

“Thank you,” Officer Bentley took a seat on Keith’s desk chair whilst Keith plopped back down onto his bed. They were opposite each other and one of the first things the police officer noticed was how much Keith’s hands were shaking. A confident tone was one thing but body language was often what gave the truth away. If they were going just by looks, it certainly appeared that Keith had something to hide. “Do you know a man named Henry Griffin?” The officer started to jot something down in his notebook when Keith nodded stiffly. The paladin looked petrified all of a sudden which was interesting; if not very suspicious.

“Who doesn’t?”

“Then you must know he went missing three years ago and the case is unsolved. We have reasons to believe you may be involved.”

“What, why?” That was the cue for Keith’s words to begin shaking as much as his body. The police officer leaned forward to drink in the terror behind Keith’s eyes, wondering if it could have been guilt. The fear was like a drug to the officer. It made him feel high and jittery, in conjunction with helping him forget all of the reasons he believed the case was a deadend.

“We found a knife outside of the shack you once lived in. It still had Griffin’s blood on it,” Keith didn’t say anything but dropped his head to look at his lap. He didn’t appear to be denying anything. “Am I right in saying that you and his son, James Griffin, didn’t get along well during your first year at the Garrison?”

“Yeah but we were stupid kids,” Keith’s voice cracked so he swallowed thickly in an attempt to suppress the emotion trying to make an appearance. “We made up and became friends actually.”

“Oh that is interesting. How did you go from mortal enemies to best friends?”

“He- We just did…”

Officer Bentley shifted in his seat before pulling something out of his backpack. It was a black notebook that, though it was generic enough to belong to anyone, made Keith feel nauseated all of a sudden. He flicked the book open. “We also found this,” He turned it around to show Keith all of the different drawings. “Do you recognise these?” Of course Keith did. He could remember all those times he had hidden himself in the corner of the lunch hall just so he could get a glimpse of the boy he had been crushing on much harder than he would ever like to admit. He remembered how the pencil had felt in his hand as it glided across the page, forming the beautiful complexion that belonged to Lance. James had endlessly teased him about it but he didn’t care. He was a teenager in love.

“Yes… I drew them.”

“Did you stalk Lance McClain prior to your expedition into space?”

Keith seemed shocked at the question. His face scrunched up like a small kitten on the verge of sneezing. “No? I just…” Keith’s entire face blossomed into the colour of a tomato. He buried his head into his hands and let out a shaky sigh. “I had a massive crush on him, okay? That’s why I drew him. Because I was too scared to actually talk to him but I really liked him.”

“Oh,” Bentley shut the notebook again, so harshly that the sound seemed to echo around the enclosed room. Disappointment flooded through his facial expression quicker than a storm could ever flood a lake. He hadn’t really considered that they were teenagers and Keith might have just liked drawing the boy; not in a way that involved any kind of malice or obsession. “Did you plant the knife?” That seemed like the only piece of valid evidence left but it wasn’t enough to arrest Keith- not unless he came forward about what he had done.

Keith opened his mouth to respond but the sound of a knock on his door prevented any words from escaping. “Sorry…” He ended up mumbling before standing up to open the door. James was standing behind it, drowning in one of his oversized hoodie which had the Garrison logo spread across the front. He was smiling but it vanished as soon as his eyes laid upon the policeman.

“Am I interrupting something?” James asked, furrowing his eyebrows and diverting his gaze between his boyfriend and the police officer.

“No, no, we can continue this another time. It was nice meeting you, Keith.” The police officer pulled himself up and held out his hand for Keith to shake. After he reluctantly did so, the policeman nodded and left the pair alone.

“What was that about then?”

Keith glanced down at his sock-clad feet. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“The police were talking to you. It can’t have been nothing.”

“They just wanted a report about Voltron, that’s all.” The lie was heavy inside Keith’s chest and it _ hurt _ but he couldn’t tell James the truth. Regardless of whether it felt like someone had forced him to carry a large anvil, James couldn’t find out. Not yet.


	23. The Truth

After seeing James every day since Keith had returned to earth, the guilt was beginning to settle in the pit of Keith’s stomach. He could hardly sit in the same room as his boyfriend without the image of James’s father getting stuck in his mind and triggering an onset of nausea. That was why he decided, on a miserable Wednesday afternoon after James’s classes, to tell him the truth.

They sat down on James’s bed. James reached out to take Keith’s hand, sending him a concerned expression but Keith just jolted away as if the touch was fire. “We need to talk.”

As soon as the words left Keith’s mouth, James swallowed and shuffled backwards on the bed. His eyes glossed over for a millisecond but, by the time that he blinked, the sparkle had vanished. James always had been great at hiding his emotions, having years and years of experience after his father. That was what made him and James such a good pair. “It’s okay, Keith. I think I understand.” James pulled himself onto his feet and turned away from Keith. He used one of his quivering hands to wipe away one of the tears trailing down his face. When Keith didn’t say anything but reached out to latch onto James’s left arm, his demeanour faltered. “You’re breaking up with me. Is it Lance? Do you still-”

“No, no, I’m not breaking up with you,” James slowly sat back down, eyes not leaving the tears gathering in Keith’s. The fact that Keith had avoided James’s question by interrupting him felt heavy in the air; especially when James was sure Keith still had some internal feelings for the blue paladin. “There’s something I need to come clean about… your dad…”

James’s face washed over with an emotion that looked more like trepidation than the sadness it once was. He started to furiously shake his head in conjunction with both of his hands. “I don’t want to talk about him. He’s gone now and I can’t-”

Keith let out a soft sigh and placed his hand onto James’s thigh in an attempt to calm his breathing down. Keith didn’t need any scientific equipment to see that James was experiencing heart palpitations that would probably make any heart monitor explode. “No, I have to tell you. It’s tearing me apart…” Keith took James’s silence (other than his heavy breathing, of course) as a sign to continue. “That night… after I found you and called the ambulance… I went to see your dad.” Keith was already sobbing and he hadn’t even reached the main part of the confession.

“That was the night he went missing,” James’s face went blank for a second as he contemplated what Keith was insinuating. “I thought it was my fault, Keith. Were you the last person to see him?” James spoke softly but there was fury camouflaged in his tone like a chameleon camouflaged in its surroundings.

“It was my fault. I shouted at him and blamed him because it _ was _ his fault,” Their was a sudden pique of spite in Keith’s tone, suggesting that he still stood by what he had done. “He pulled a knife on me.” With trembling hands, Keith lifted up the hoodie he was wearing. It had the Spider-Man spider logo on the front; not something he would have chosen for himself but it belonged to James (and it was really soft). James had a ridiculous addiction to Marvel superheroes which Keith didn’t quite understand. The three scars on Keith’s side were faint against his pale skin but James made them out as he leaned closer. James’s hand traced the top scar, almost as if he was checking whether it was really there or not. “I tried to run from him but I couldn’t get away so I had no choice but to fight.”

James seemed to have already connected the dots in his head but he wanted to make sure. He didn’t want to throw accusations around when he didn’t know the facts. Maybe Keith was on the verge of pulling a horrific plot twist that would change everything.

“He pulled out a knife and- and I was scared. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want-” Keith cut himself off with his own sob, hunching over to bury his head into his hands. His entire body was trembling as one specific image was frozen inside his mind, haunting him like a ghost would haunt an old house. James’s dad might as well have been standing in front of him in ghost form, scars glowing as his own blood dripped down his body in a way that was almost rhythmic. Keith could picture him- wearing that same navy blue suit and black tie that ended up being tye-dyed red- and he almost recoiled away from him. “I didn’t want to die,” His voice came out no more than a whisper, so much more fragile and broken than before. “I managed to get the knife off of him but he still didn’t stop so I- I-”

“Did you stab him?” James asked, raising his head to finally look Keith in the eye. He could see the guilt and trepidation swirling around like a witch’s potion behind Keith’s purple irises. Keith could only nod.

As the room lapsed into silence, both were surprised that the other couldn’t hear the sound of their own heart beating. James blinked, mouth falling open but closing again every few moments. _ How are you supposed to react when your boyfriend admits that he killed your dad? _

“Say something, please.” Keith begged, desperate. He reached an arm out to latch onto James’s coat but retracted it when James shifted away. 

“You… You killed him.”

“I’m sorry. I had no choice and- and-”

“And what?”

“You almost died because of him! You were my best friend. I just wanted to tell him to back off… I didn’t mean to- I didn’t think-”

“I think I need some space.” James pulled himself up, swallowing thickly as his gaze dropped to his feet. For once in his life, the sight of his favourite Thor socks didn’t make him feel better. If anything, it made him feel worse. His life _ sucked _ compared to that of a superhero.

“I’m sorry… please don’t go…” Keith’s voice wobbled as if he was a kid that had been denied ice cream on a hot summer’s day. He reached out and grabbed James’s hoodie, holding onto it as tightly as he could. James pulled away harshly enough to break the grip before running out of the room.

Keith didn’t move from that position for hours. He just let himself cry… _ he deserved it. _

-

“Come on, dude,” Lance moaned, pressing his forehead against the cold wood of Keith’s door. It wasn’t even close to being a comfortable position but he was beginning to grow desperate. “You need to come out of your room and get some food or something. It’s not good to lock yourself up like this.” When there wasn’t a single sound being emitted from Keith’s room, Lance took it upon himself to start knocking. And knocking. And knocking. He didn’t stop until Keith threw the door open, sent him a glare that seemed to be on the edge of a death threat and dragged him into the room. He had thick bags beneath his eyes and was wearing the exact same black shirt that Lance saw him wear a few days previous when he had last seen him. “How can you live here?” 

Lance had never been a tidy person but even he could recognise that Keith’s room looked more like a dump than a living space. James’s hoodie was sat in a bundle on top of Keith’s pillow where he had clearly been cuddling it (even though Keith would never have admitted it). His covers were lazily strewn across his bed where he had clearly been laying before he opened the door for Lance. Multiple glasses were sat on Keith’s bedside table, all having different capacities of water. It was clear Keith hadn’t been eating anything as there weren’t any food wrappers anywhere _ but at least he was drinking_… even if he hadn’t done any washing up in awhile.

“I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Keith murmured, turning and lying back down on his bed in a position he had probably been stuck in since his last conversation with James. He pulled his bed covers over himself, hiding his face and the fact that he had latched onto James’s hoodie again. Keith knew he was on the verge of insanity but he could have sworn it hadn’t lost the smell of James’s aftershave. He buried his nose into the material, breathing in James’s scent.

“You can’t hide yourself away forever,” Lance sat down on the end of Keith’s bed, frowning at his friend. “You and James really need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. James hates me. _ I _ hate me.”

“He’s just upset which is… understandable,” Lance shifted his sitting position as he contemplated the next thing to say. He was skating on thin ice, afraid to say the wrong thing and fail at his plan of giving Keith hope. “He’s obviously going to need some time to get his head around what happened. It’s a lot to take in.”

Keith grunted or maybe he said something- Lance couldn’t tell because it was muffled by the lump of covers on top of him. The room lapsed into a heavy silence until Lance leaned forward and placed a hand on where he presumed Keith’s side would be. “Get off of me.”

“Not until you go and have an actual conversation with your boyfriend. He needs you right now.”

When Keith continued not to say anything, Lance began to poke Keith with his index finger. He knew he was at his final resort but it was worth a try. If he couldn’t get Keith out of bed with his words, maybe he could annoy him into leaving his room. Poke. Poke. Poke. “Stop it.”

“Go,” Poke. “Speak,” Poke. “To,” Poke. “James.”

Keith jolted his head out from under the bed covers so he could thin his eyes into a sharp glare. “If I speak to him, will you stop being so annoying?”

“Yup.” Poke.

“Then fine! Just leave me alone!” Keith shot up out of bed so quickly that Lance almost catapulted to the floor. Keith was still scowling but Lance was smiling, content with the outcome of the situation. Forcing Keith to follow him, Lance grabbed his arm and tugged him out of the room.

When they arrived at James’s dorm, Shiro and Adam were sat with him. Shiro was hugging James as he cried, a tear prickling in the corner of Shiro’s own eye. Keith lingered in the doorway for a moment and Lance could tell he was planning on making a break for it. To prevent that, Lance gave him an encouraging shove further into the room.

“We’ll leave you two alone.” Adam murmured, tapping Shiro’s arm. Shiro nodded in agreement before grabbing Adam’s hand and pulling them both up. Along with Lance, they left, Lance shutting the door behind him so neither James nor Keith could escape the conversation.

Neither James nor Keith said anything for a long moment as they awkwardly avoided each other’s gaze. Keith’s shoes felt like they were glued to the ground and James’s head was turned away so the tears staining his face weren’t so visible. When Keith did break the silence, it triggered an onset of nausea in the pit of his chest. “I’m sorry. I get it, you don’t like me anymore and-” James lifted his head up to meet eyes with his boyfriend for a few seconds before looking away again.

“I do like you. It’s just difficult for me to wrap my head around my boyfriend killing my dad. It’s a bit… I don’t know… _ crazy_? I don’t even think there is a word in the dictionary that can describe how insane this is.”

“Oh… yeah,” Keith hung his head. “Sorry. Trust me, I- I’m haunted by it all the time. The police must be getting suspicious because they were asking questions about you and your dad that time they spoke to me.” Keith tried not to dwell on how he had been sleeping for the last few nights, constantly tossing and turning without sleeping for any longer than half an hour at a time. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw James’s dad. Little did he know, James had been exactly the same, though he couldn’t sleep with the unsettling thought that his boyfriend had _ murdered _ his abusive father. It sounded like a plot straight out of a poorly written book.

“You’re not going to hand yourself in, are you?”

“Well…” Keith trailed off so he could look up and meet James’s teary eyes. James swallowed and wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers, making it rather obvious how nervous he was. 

“Keith, I- you- you can’t,” Keith backed up with a single eyebrow raised, the fear in his chest morphing into an intense kind of confusion. “I don’t think I could risk losing the only person I ever felt I could trust.”

“You… You still trust me?” Keith was testing the water, voice so soft and quiet that it was almost a whisper. James wiped his tearful eyes with one hand and used the other to latch onto Keith’s hoodie. 

“I’ve known you since we were like… thirteen. You may be impulsive and hot-headed but you would never murder someone unless you really needed to. You cry at Disney movies, for fuck’s sake. How hardcore can you really be?” James punched Keith’s arm lightly which elicited a soft laugh from him. It was shaky; unsure.

“Don’t tell anyone about that. It’s embarrassing and I have a reputation to maintain.”

“You also slept with a stuffed hippo until you were 16.”

“Don’t tell Lance especially. He would make fun of me forever.”

“And don’t forget about your imaginary friend that you only stopped talking to when you started high school.”

“_Don’t _ bring that up! I had a deprived childhood and I didn’t have any friends! I had to make my own, okay?!” James broke out into a smile before laughter flooded through his body. That soon elicited a similar response from Keith. They turned to each other, met eyes and were thrown into hysterics. It was as if they were kids all over again, sharing a moment together that made them feel like the world had frozen around them.

“There’s no way you killed someone purposely and I can totally see my dad trying to hurt you. He was a… massive dickhead, to say the least.”

“True… so… are we like… okay now?”

James nodded before wrapping his arms around Keith and pulling him closer. He pressed a gentle kiss to Keith’s cheek before lying his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. When he next spoke, he had his eyes shut and his breathing was shallow, a sign of comfort. “I love you. I know it’s a bit soon to say it but… I do. I love you so much.”

Keith looked down at his lap and smiled to himself. James didn’t comment on his reluctance to say he loved him back.


	24. The Difference Between Resilience and Insanity

Bentley left it around a week before he decided to speak to Kogane again. He needed some time to collect his erratic thoughts after the setback of the drawings being the result of a dumb teenage crush and Voltron being proved to be real. It turned the whole case upside down and Bentley had a serious case of a head rush.

If they were really in space all that time, the disappearance of Garret, Holt, McClain and Kogane was solved. There wasn’t anything suspicious to delve into.

However, a man was still missing and presumed dead. A man who had a son that was probably seeking answers and closure. All Bentley wanted to do was to give the son his answers. That was it.

“You should give up,” Robin pointed out one day as Bentley was stuck doing yet another few hours overtime. It seemed like he _ lived _ in the office at that point which wasn’t the most efficient thing in the world, considering his partner and baby at home. “That case is dead, face it. There’s nothing more to it.”

“But there is! I can feel it… I know there’s more to it…” Bentley scrunched his hands into fists and hit them against his forehead. It was harshly enough to leave a serious of red marks, ranging in their brightness. _ Think. Think. Think. _He had spent years training to be the best police officer he could be so there wasn’t a chance he was giving up on the case. That just wasn’t the spirit of a good, worthy police officer.

“This case is tearing you apart and don’t think we haven’t noticed. You barely leave the office these days because you keep reading your notes over and over again. Aren’t they ingrained in your brain yet?”

“Once I solve it, it will all be worth it.”

Robin laid a hand on her colleague’s shoulder. She sent him a soft look full of sympathy, consisting of wide eyes and raised eyebrows. “It sounds bizarre but those kids really went up into space. That’s why they were missing for an entire year.”

“Yeah but what about Henry Griffin? They have to be linked… we found- we found the knife outside Kogane’s shack.”

“Maybe someone planted it.”

Bentley scrunched his face up and lightly hit his clenched fist against the table. “I don’t know. Maybe. That just seems… wrong. I’m sure Kogane did it.”

“Look,” Robin perched on the edge of Bentley’s desk so she was able to make eye contact with her colleague. “With the evidence you’ve got, you can’t make an arrest. I don’t think you’re going to find any more evidence since you’ve cleared Kogane’s shack out and don’t have a clue as to where to look next. I think you should just give up now.”

“But I can’t give up: I need to know,” Fingers snaking up into his hair, Bentley began to pull at it. Beneath the desk, his legs were bouncing up and down in an obsessive kind of determination. “We’re missing something. What though?”

“This isn’t healthy. We get that you love your job and you’re determined or whatever but you need to know when to stop.”

“I’m resilient.”

“There’s resilient and then there’s insane.”

“I’m fine, Robin. Just let me do this. I’m going to see Kogane tonight and you can’t stop me.”

“Alright but, if you don’t get any more leads tonight, you give up, okay?”

Bentley jolted up out of his chair and began to pull his coat over his shoulders. His face was still scrunched up, deep in thought, so it was almost instinct as he murmured, “Fine.”

-

“Ah, Kogane, nice to see you again.” Bentley began as he walked into Kogane’s dorm. He sat in the same place as he had done before, crossing his legs and flicking his notebook open to make notes. Half of the book was already filled with his scrawl, useless notes that Bentley had only made in case there was even a tiny bit of relevance in them. About a quarter of the book was full of theories about Kogane’s drawings that had been rendered a massive waste of time.

“You too, officer.” Instantaneously, Bentley thinned his eyes to observe Keith’s demeanour and posture. He was hanging his head and refused to make eye contact, seeming reserved. Clicking the pen against his chin, Bentley scribbled one single word onto the blank page: _ guilt_.

“Let’s carry on from where we left it last week. The knife. Did you bury it?”

“No.” The officer had no idea how fast Keith’s heart was pounding in his chest. All he could see was Keith’s lips that were stuck in a firm, straight line, trying their hardest not to give his inner emotion away. “I had no idea it was there.”

“Then what were you doing the night Henry Griffin went missing?”

“I was in hospital,” Keith murmured. He swallowed, tears filling up in his eyes as the incident played on repeat in his mind. All he could picture was James’s pale face when Keith had found him on the floor, unconscious. “My friend tried to kill himself.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Bentley didn’t _ sound _ sorry but that was merely a result of his own questioning as to whether he was suspecting the right guy.

“It’s alright. He made it out alive and seems better now which is what’s important, I guess.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Bentley scribbled more words onto the page. _ Friend tried to kill himself night Griffin went missing. Might not be involved after all_… “Is there anything else you would like to add?” Keith silently shook his head, eliciting an over-dramatic sigh from the police officer. “Thank you for talking to me today.”

“It’s alright. I just hope you get to the bottom of this.”

Bentley pressed the tip of his pen into the paper much too harshly, causing a blob of ink to gather. He slammed the book shut which inevitably smudged the ink but he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. “Me too…” He stood up and left the room without much more of a farewell. As soon as Kogane’s door was shut behind him, he leant against the wall and scrunched his face up. It took everything in him not to break down crying.

_ That case was your chance to prove yourself and you failed_.

He swallowed as a single tear dripped down his pale cheek.

_ You will never get that promotion you need. You will never be able to provide for your family. _

Clenching his hands into fists, Bentley wiped away his tears: he had to stay strong. After all, _ men don’t cry_.

-

“I closed the case.” Bentley murmured, skipping past a greeting. His girlfriend looked up from where she was feeding Sam a bottle of milk. She raised her eyebrows to silently ask for an elaboration without seeming like she was interrogating him.

“I thought you were getting close to solving it?”

“I was but now I’m not. Turns out the evidence is inconclusive and hardly tells us anything. Whoever the murderer was, it looks like they’re long gone.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Bentley scratched the back of his neck before glancing down at his feet. “Could we go to bed early tonight? I’ve been working so hard on this case that I never realised how tired I really was.”

“Yeah, of course, honey. You don’t need to ask.” Harriet mumbled something to Sam before rocking her slowly from side to side. After a long moment, he crying ceased and her eyes fell shut. Harriet placed her back into the cot before following Bentley into their own bedroom.

Under the covers, Bentley wrapped his arms around Harriet’s skinny frame. He buried his face into her long, brunette hair, breathing in the coconut scent of her conditioner. The smell was soft and grounding for Bentley’s rapidly beating heart. “You know, I’m glad you gave up on the case.” Harriet whispered, closing her eyes to focus on the sensation of her partner’s arms around her.

“Why?”

“Because I missed you and you spent most of your time at work and that can’t have been healthy for you. I swear you weren’t sleeping much either.”

“I wasn’t… maybe you’re right but I really wanted to get that promotion.”

“You should know that it is impossible to solve every single crime. It would be nice too but it just isn’t realistic, isn’t it? And it’s not like you need the promotion.”

“Harriet, we’re broke.”

“We aren’t. You worry too much.”

“I hardly get paid anything because I can’t work full time.”

“Honey, you have done lots of overtime since you started this case. You have basically started working full time and me and Sammy are fine, aren’t we? You really don’t need to worry about anything. Just don’t overwork yourself.”

Bentley hummed, eyes fluttering shut. Just like that, he drifted into a deep sleep with the calming thought that he didn’t have to obsess over the case anymore and his girlfriend supported him. He could focus more of his time on the two people he loved most in the world- Harriet and Sam- and wouldn’t have to constantly work overtime that only stressed him out and rendered him a sleep-deprived zombie.


	25. Paranoia

“I lied to the police, James,” Keith let out a heavy sob that contrasted his usual unemotional appearance. He buried his head into his hands as James placed an arm on Keith’s back. The gesture was supposed to be comforting but, for some reason, it felt like fire burning into Keith’s skin. It was like the weight and pressure of James’s hand was riddled with every tiny fragment of guilt that was spread across Keith’s entire body. In fact, it was likely that the guilt was more prominent in his veins than his own blood. “I can’t believe it. What if they find out? I’m going to get arrested and I can’t- I can’t- I-”

As Keith’s words resembled puffs of air more than coherent sentences, James hushed him. He used the hand that wasn’t a heavy weight on top of Keith’s back to rub Keith’s arm up and down. “It’s fine. I bet they’ll give up on the case anyway. It’s not like my dad had anyone close to him who cared enough to bug the police to keep the case open. They’ll probably give up and say there wasn’t enough evidence or something.”

“But what if they don’t give up? What if I have to go to jail? What if-”

“Look at me,” Keith removed his hands from his face and tilted his head up to meet eyes with James. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t lose himself in the colour. The guilt was a heavy anchor, keeping him grounded to the dangerous truth. “You won’t go to jail, okay? I’ll make sure of it.”

“I’m sorry I killed him. I really wish I could go back and-”

James shook his head and forced a smile for Keith’s sake. “It isn’t your fault. You had no choice.” Keith turned so he could bury his head into James’s chest and continued to sob. At that moment, he was desperate for James to be the life jacket that kept Keith afloat.

-

Despite Keith and James having supposedly ‘made up’, James continued to act strangely around his boyfriend. Keith had never been good with words so he could hardly comprehend why but he knew James was acting off. At meal times, James refused to touch his food; instead choosing to push it all around on the plate until it looked more like soup than whatever solid substance it was meant to be. Another thing Keith had noticed was James’s exhaustion. Being a pilot at the prestigious Galaxy Garrison was tiring but not to the extent that it explained James falling asleep on Keith’s shoulder every time they spent time together. It seemed like there was something else going on. Keith instantaneously considered the worse but who could have blamed him? James already had a negative history; Keith wanted to avoid any repeats.

“James, are you okay?” Keith questioned, eyes thin with concern. He was trying to pick his boyfriend apart like a complicated maths equation to figure out what was going through his head. Keith had always been the best in the class at mathematics and problem solving but, still, he couldn’t solve the mystery that was his boyfriend.

James started to pick at a loose thread in his jeans, wrapping it around his finger before uncurling it again. He avoided Keith’s gaze before mumbling, “Why wouldn’t I be?” as if that was enough to alleviate Keith’s growing suspicion. The distance in his response gave Keith even more of a reason to worry. In the back of Keith’s mind, one sentence was being repeated like a number 1 on the charts, way overplayed and quickly growing old: _ James is hiding something. James is hiding something. James is hiding something. _

“I might just be paranoid but you hardly eat and you’re tired all of the time. Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine, Keith.”

“You know you can talk to me, right? I’m not going to judge-”

“Just leave me alone!” James seemed just as surprised as Keith when the yell escaped his mouth as his own eyes opened. He swallowed before running a hand through his fringe to compose himself. “I’m okay… Please don’t worry.”

“I’ll try not to but… I just don’t want you to suffer in silence again. I can’t-”

“I won’t.” James interrupted, not wanting Keith to mention the worst period of his life. He dropped his gaze to his lap; the avoidance of Keith’s gaze made him feel uneasy.

“Will you-”

“Just drop it! I’m not depressed anymore if that’s what you’re insinuating! My dad’s gone so I have no reason to be!” James pulled himself up onto his feet, drumming his fingers against his thighs in an attempt to calm himself down. He looked like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Keith’s shoulders slumped once his boyfriend’s voice raised into a shout again. He opened his mouth to respond and push his point even more but decided against it. Instead of voicing his thoughts, he stood up and wrapped his arms around James. He rubbed circles into his back and let silence wash over the room.

-

“How are you and James? You know, after everything.” Lance asked nonchalantly when he was sat with Keith in his dorm, playing video games. They were playing against each other and, somehow, Keith kept winning, despite never having played the game previously. (Lance argued that it was beginner’s luck but Keith knew it was really because he was skillful.) 

“We’re okay but he’s acting weird.” Keith mumbled, button mashing whilst keeping a straight face to pretend it was a proper strategy. Lance’s character dropped to the ground and two letters flashed on the screen: _ K.O. _ Lance huffed beside him.

“How so?”

“He doesn’t seem to be eating much and he’s tired all of the time.”

“Oh.” They went silent as they focused on the battle again. Somehow, Keith’s button mashing had given him a combo that allowed him to use his power move. They watched Lance’s hp bar drain within seconds as his character was demolished once again. Lance rolled his eyes and dramatically shifted his position to drape his legs over Keith’s lap.

“Get your disgusting feet off of me,” Keith tried to shove Lance’s shark sock-clad feet away but Lance seemed adamant about staying in the position. Quickly enough, Keith gave up on his efforts and began setting up another game. He paused before pressing the _ start _ button, finger hovering over it but not initiating anything. When he next spoke, his voice came out a weak whisper. “I’m scared he might be depressed again.”

“Ask him. Don’t let him suffer in silence or he might try something dumb again.”

“That’s what I’m so scared of…” Lance moved so his legs were hanging down the side of the bed again but twisted his body around so he could make eye contact with Keith. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment until Lance spoke up again.

“Speak to him. Let him know how much you care for him. He should know he isn’t alone and he has someone he can rely on. Even if that person is you, mullet.”

Lance hoped the nickname would elicit even the tiniest smile from Keith but it didn’t. All it succeeded in doing was making Keith break the eye contact to look behind Lance. “I’ll try."


	26. Hiding Something, Hiding Something, Hiding Something

“How’ve you been?” Keith asked, not meaning for the question to have any underlying messages. He and James had been watching a movie together but it had long since finished so Keith was reaching out for desperate attempts at conversation. James was leaning his head on Keith’s shoulder and Keith had an arm wrapped around him. They had been sat in silence since the credits started rolling, staring ahead at the series of words they weren’t actually taking in.

“Fine really. I’ve had lots of work to do because I’m in my final year and I’ve been cramming a lot. Who knew exams could be so difficult? And I’m used to being top of the class so I have to maintain that reputation and study so much. It’s tiring but I’m getting by. I got an A in my last physics exam which is good but-” James was speaking so quickly that the words were practically falling off of his tongue. He wasn’t giving himself any time to think what he was saying through because his mouth was moving too fast to consult with his brain. He didn’t even notice the confused look Keith was sending him: thin eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

“Woah, slow down. I can’t keep up. I lost you after you said you’d been cramming.”

“Oh, sorry…” James forced a smile and breathed in deeply to make up for all the moments in his speech where he had skipped pauses. He then swallowed and repeated everything he had said at a slower pace that was easier for Keith to comprehend.

“Don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

“I won’t! Can we talk about something else now?”

“Like what?”

James eyes twitched around the room until he settled on a shrug. Keith frowned, not wanting to tear his gaze from his boyfriend in case he missed something important. His brain was at it again… _ James is hiding something. James is hiding something. James is hiding something. _

-

“We should go on a date,” Keith stated out of nowhere, suddenly sitting up straight as opposed to his usual slouch. He turned to James with a raised eyebrow, trying (and failing) to read James’s own expression. He was wearing a deep frown and refused to look at Keith from where he had his head leant on Keith’s shoulder. His eyes remained closed, making him appear like he was amidst a deep, peaceful slumber. “You know because we’ve been together like a week and haven’t even been on a single date?”

“Is cuddling and watching movies not enough?” James sounded a million miles away. Keith might as well have been standing on Earth with James on the moon: no matter how much he tried, his boyfriend couldn’t quite understand him. It would have made much more sense if space, as a vacuum, wasn’t allowing the sound particles to move through it, explaining why James wasn’t cooperating.

“That’s not what I mean. I just think it’d be nice… we don’t need to.” James opened his eyes long enough to look down at where Keith was fiddling with his hands. Keith’s confidence had been knocked back, especially considering he was usually a reserved person so it took time for him to open up. It broke James’s heart to see him so sad and knowing he was the cause of the stress made it all the more worse.

“I’d like to…”

“But?”

James shook his head, unable to commit to what he had been saying.

“James, I-” Keith shifted in his seat, running a hand through his hair and sighing. His thoughts were all jumbled up and messy so it was difficult for him to articulate what he wanted to say. “I- I need to ask… Are you doing okay?”

James’s head jolted up, eyes wide. “What do you mean? I’ve told you a million times, I-”

“Are you feeling depressed again?”

James’s heart dropped to the floor and smashed into a billion pieces. The worried look hidden behind Keith’s glossy eyes might as well have shot James directly in the chest with how much it hurt him. Keith was on the verge of tears and it was James’s fault. _ He had to tell him the truth or the guilt would kill him._ James clenched his hands into fists and let his face scrunch up as he built the courage to say what was on his mind. “I don’t have any money, okay?”

Keith blinked as his brain took a moment to process what James had said. “You… what?”

“I’m broke, alright? That’s why we can’t go on a date… because I can’t afford it.”

“Why didn’t you just say? I can pay for it.”

James swallowed and let his eyes drop to his lap. “I can’t let you do that.”

“I know you have a dumb amount of pride and think it’s embarrassing to accept kind offers from your boyfriend but, trust me, you can let me pay for one date. It really isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Fine but only one. I can’t let you pay for any more than that.”

-

Keith decided to take James to the cinema and James didn’t bother arguing because he knew it wasn’t the most expensive date on the world. They had already taken the cheap way out and purchased snacks beforehand from a dollar store, saving on the masses that cinemas liked to charge for popcorn.

Keith handed the money to the cashier before accepting the two tickets and pulling James into a screen with the number seven beside it. They found their seats (near the middle of the room because that was the objectively perfect spot) and sat in them. The first thing Keith did was fish through his backpack for their budget popcorn before handing James his own stuff. Being more of a chocolate person, he had got some (almost worryingly) cheap chocolate covered raisins.

“So…” Keith began as he leant back into his chair. They had to buy time before the advertisements began to play in front of them because James had insisted on them getting there early. “How are you?”

“Tired,” James let out a laugh so Keith knew not to worry. Despite that, Keith’s mouth morphed into a frown and his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“You’re tired a lot… are you overworking yourself?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Because if you are overworking then I-”

James moved his hand so it was balanced on Keith’s arm and forced them to meet eyes. “I’m not overworking myself, okay?” Guilt swarmed in the pit of James’s stomach but he swallowed and tried his hardest to suppress it. “I just haven’t been sleeping very well.” _ Technically _ that wasn’t a lie. James hadn’t been trying to sleep until the early hours of the morning and, even then, he struggled to stay asleep for anything more than an hour at a time. He was constantly restless and couldn’t lay still long enough to drift off. 

Keith would have pushed it further but the movie screen lit up with life. Instead, he stayed silent as James leant his head on his shoulder and the sounds of the advertisements began to ring through the room.

Once it was over, James walked with Keith to his dorm. They stood outside for a moment before James wrapped both of his arms around Keith’s neck. “That movie sucked,” _ That was an understatement_. “The scariest thing about it was the amount we paid to see it.” They had expected to be scared out of their skins but, instead, they had almost died of boredom. “But the date was nice overall. I love hanging out with you.”

“Me too. I hope we can do this again sometime.” James smiled before leaning down to press his lips against Keith’s. Keith responded immediately by moving his lips in synchrony with James’s, getting lost in the feeling before James backed away. They let their foreheads remain touching for a long moment as they both smiled at each other. “See you tomorrow then, I guess.”

“Yep.”

When Keith walked into his dorm and closed the door behind him, he collapsed onto his bed face-first. He let out a long groan, knowing how much fun he had had with James but wondering if what he felt was really love at all. James made him happy but the feelings weren’t nearly as strong as they had once been for Lance. Keith could only hope they would sprout and grow the more time he spent with James. 


	27. What if...

Shiro had somehow arranged to get all of the original Voltron paladins into a single room for lunch. Usually they were all off doing their own things, seeing family or working on the technologies in their separate departments of the Garrison. Despite not asking Shiro for permission, Keith had dragged James along. It had taken a lot of convincing on his part but, after a great deal of pestering, James had given up with arguing and had agreed to come.

That was how they ended up sat around the table in the new Castle of Lions kitchen. Hunk had cooked them all some pasta which he brought out to each of them individually. Once the plates were laid down in front of Lance and Pidge, they started to shovel it into their mouths as if they hadn’t eaten in years. Coran ate slowly in a polite way that almost contrasted his erratic personality and Shiro waited for everyone to get their meals before tucking in. Keith ate a few bites of his before realising James hadn’t even picked up his cutlery.

“Do you not like it? I can ask Hunk to-” Keith started but James quickly shook his head. Unsure of whether it was the bright lighting, Keith couldn’t help but notice how green James looked.

“No, no, it’s great. I’m just not hungry.”

“But you didn’t eat lunch either.” James went silent, poking the spaghetti with his fork. The hand that wasn’t holding the piece of cutlery was being used to balance his head, sad eyes staring into the dish. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

“I feel a bit sick…” James moved his arms so they were wrapped around his stomach and his face scrunched up in a painful wince.

“I think I should take you back to your dorm… You don’t look good.”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Hunk, can you get…” Keith trailed off once he realised that he was too late. James had heaved so loudly the world seemed to shake, vomiting all over his front. He was trembling violently and seemed to have somehow gotten even paler after being sick. 

From where Shiro was sitting beside James, he pressed his hand into James’s forehead. His fingertips seemed icy cold in comparison to the scorching temperature of James’s face. “He’s hot. I think he might have a fever,” Hunk wiped James’s lap with a wad of kitchen roll until there was only a stain of the moment left on James’s shorts and in all of their minds. “Take him to his room and get him a wet cloth for his forehead. Coran, go and get some meds.”

Coran nodded before rushing out of the room to follow through on the command. Keith helped pull James up onto his feet before guiding him down the halls. They walked at the pace of a snail as James had to stop every so often to lean against the wall to stop the room from spinning around him. Each step elicited the turning to increase in speed, making him all the more tempted to vomit again. Luckily, he wasn’t sick for a second time until he was back in his dorm. That time, Keith had given him a bowl so he didn’t ruin his outfit even more.

As James sat on his bed, still trembling, Keith sifted through James’s wardrobe until he found a set of clean pyjamas. He turned back to James and handed them over but James didn’t make any effort to move. Deciding to help him out, Keith reached out and lifted James’s shirt over his head; that movement alone was enough to trigger an aching wave of pain throughout James’s weak body. After, Keith helped him get the shirt on. “Would you like me to do your trousers?”

James’s eyes were lidded as his head toppled forward and he tried his hardest to keep himself awake. He seemed disoriented so Keith could only frown and help him pull his trousers off and get the pyjamas on.

“James?” James hummed but didn’t bother using actual words. “I’m just going to get you a wet cloth, okay? I’ll be right back.” Anther hum. Still distant. James didn’t seem to be completely present; his mind seemed miles away. Keith rushed out of the room so he could grab a flannel from the bathroom and wet it. Once he was done, he handed it to James who didn’t make the effort to press it against his head. “Lay down for me…” He pressed his hand into James’s chest and lightly pushed him onto his back before laying the flannel on top of his forehead.

A knock on the door made Keith turn his head, though James didn't appear to even flinch. Keith quietly pulled the door open to reveal Coran, who was holding a box of basic nausea pills and a plastic cup of water. Keith held out his hand with a pair of pills sat on top of it but James just leaned away and mumbled something incoherent. When Keith moved closer, he could just about make out, "I can't" over and over again.

"James? You need to take..." Keith trailed off upon watching James frantically shaking his head as if taking the pill would do something drastically horrific. "Okay, fine, you don't need to take it..." Frowning, Keith climbed into bed alongside James but not after handing the two pills back to Coran. Once Keith's body was pressed up against his boyfriend's, he could have sworn he heard James murmur the words, "I'm sorry." He couldn't help but wonder if he had imagined it when he looked at James's closed eyes. Shrugging it off, he snaked his hands up to James's hair and began to play with it and whisper soft words until he joined James in a deep slumber.

-

It took James a few days to recover and go back to ‘normal’ but, even then, Keith couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. He seemed… distant. That much was apparent in the way that he refused a second date with Keith and seemed to have an abundance of excuses underneath his Garrison uniform jacket. Keith had tried to lure James to come along with him and Lance on a walk (because the fresh air would do him good) but he refused, claiming that he was too tired. So Keith had left James behind in his dorm whilst he trekked the Garrison campus by Lance’s side.

“So is James doing better?” Lance said. It was one of the first things he asked upon seeing Keith. Keith shrugged, frowning and glaring down at the floor as if it was responsible for the death of his father.

“I don’t know honestly. He isn’t sick, if that’s what you mean. He does seem to be acting kind of strange though.”

Lance let out a soft sigh. He had his hands buried into his pockets but pulled one out to graze it against Keith’s arm. “Strange how?” It was supposed to be a friendly gesture but the heat from the contact triggered an onset of nausea in Keith’s stomach.

“He’s acting distant. He refused to come out with us today without a good reason.”

“Oh… maybe he’s still sick?”

Keith abruptly stopped in his step, turning to look at Lance but not quite meeting his eyes. “D-Do you think it could be something worse?” Keith started to fiddle with his own hands as if they were a fidget spinner, encouraging Lance to examine his entire body posture. With his hunched shoulders and moving hands, he hardly resembled the same hardcore, emo guy Lance had first met at the Garrison. He seemed almost fragile and afraid.

“Sorry?”

“Do you think he could be _ really _ sick? He was tired all the time before and I never saw him eat. Shit… what if-”

“Keith, I’m sure James is fine,” Lance hesitantly wrapped his arms around Keith and pulled him into a hug. Keith chewed on his bottom lip and blinked away tears as he buried his head into Lance’s neck. “Talk to him. If something was up, I think he would tell you.”

“I try but he turns me down every time. I think he’s trying to hide something.”

Lance stayed silent for a second as he contemplated his next move like a participant in a game of chess. He had to be tactical, so he didn’t hurt Keith’s feelings and make things worse. “I’m sure he isn’t. Maybe he’s just stressed? Aren’t exams coming up?”

“True…”

“Talk to him, that’s the only advice I can give,” They began to walk again in unison. Lance swung his arms back and forth as he moved, unable to keep them still for even the shortest moment, though his fidgeting was a result of ADHD and not nerves like Keith. “Anyways, have you seen the new _ Killbot Phantasm _ game? Pidge managed to get a copy of it and we’ve been playing it together. It’s _insane_. You need to play it.”

“Nah… video games are a waste of time.”

Lance huffed in dissatisfaction. “You wouldn’t say that if you played it. The graphics are perfect, I swear. I feel like I’m _ in _ the game.”

“Good for you. I’m sorry I don’t think the world is a bad enough place that I feel the need to escape through a video game.”

“Wow, no need to be sarcastic.”

Clearly uncomfortable with the disinteresting topic of video games, Keith jumped to another subject. “How are your family? Are things okay now?”

“They’re okay. Mamá and papá are really upset that they thought I made everything up but I’m trying to convince them that it’s alright. I don’t… I don’t think I would have believed me either, if I was them.”

“It must be hard for all of you.”

Lance shrugged. Keith could see all the emotional baggage hidden in the glistening depths of Lance’s eyes but decided not to push it. “It’s not that bad.”

“So you’re doing okay?”

“Yep, better than I’ve been in awhile.” The only problems were the repressed feelings Lance had for Keith but he was _ never _ going to admit that. “I’m grateful to be back on Earth.”

“Me too. I miss having the freedom to fly Red whenever I wanted though. Sometimes Earth just seems so restricting, you know?”

Lance nodded, though he hadn’t paid attention to what Keith’s response had been. He was deeply lost in the purple that was Keith’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But what is really wrong with James? I'm interested to see if anyone has any theories. I think I've given you some massive hints :P


	28. Disappointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day yesterday, whether you spent it with someone or alone. If you spent it alone, I hope you practiced some self care and ate too much chocolate!!

Lance didn’t bother knocking before throwing open the door of James’s dorm and launching himself inside. He waved his arms around dramatically until James tore his attention away from his laptop screen. James’s eyes widened and his hands flew to his open backpack that was sat at his feet to zip it up. Afterwards, he suspiciously kicked it beneath the table. “We need to talk.” Lance demanded, though James didn’t seem too impressed.

“You can’t just barge in here and demand to talk. I could have been getting dressed or something!”

“Well, you weren’t, were you?”

James let out a sigh and closed his laptop before swivelling around in his chair to face the intruder. “What do you want, Lance?” He sounded like he was ready to end the conversation there and then, without finding out what Lance had come to _ him _ (of all people) to talk about.

Lance slumped down onto James’s bed, opposite James. He decided to make himself home in the small room by pulling his legs up onto the bed and crossing them. “Keith is really worried about you. He thinks something is going on.”

“What would be going on?” James snapped before pulling his head back as if he was shocked at his own harsh tone. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply to calm himself down again.

“I don’t know, you tell me. Keith has come up with every possible theory. He thinks you could be depressed or that you’ve got some sort of deadly disease or something. Is there actually something bothering you?”

“No!” James was quick to yell, increasing suspicion that he was holding something back and not telling the complete truth.

“You’re lying.”

“I am not.” Like a little kid amidst a tantrum, James folded his arms and pouted. Lance would have laughed had he not been so worried.

“Come on, I’m the best at reading people. I can tell when someone is lying. Now tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s private.”

Knowing James was unlikely to open up without even more encouragement on Lance’s behalf, Lance took it one step further. If James wanted to be asked more protruding questions, that was easily done. “Are you cheating on him?”

Once the question was out in the open, James paled and looked very much like he was on the verge of throwing up. He dropped his gaze to his lap and began to stare at his knees as if they had somehow become his sworn enemy. “I’m not cheating on him.”

Lance’s jaw tensed. He knew that James’s body language contrasted his words, raising the question as to whether he could be trusted. “Are you telling the truth? You look guilty and it is not helping your case.”

“I’m not lying, I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“Then what is it? I don’t want you to hurt him.”

“I won’t…” James clenched his hands into fists and scrunched his face up in an expression that screamed _ conflict_. When his eyes next opened, Lance could have sworn they were glistening with the onset of tears. “I- I love him, Lance.”

“I know you do but still… Keith has been through a lot. He doesn’t need any more trauma in his life.”

“Neither do I. I understand trauma better than anyone so, trust me, I won’t hurt him.”

“Then what’s going on? Why are you so distant?”

“I can’t tell you. Can we please just drop it?”

“I can’t drop it when my friend-” Lance was cut off as Keith appeared in the doorway, a single eyebrow raised in a concoction of both curiosity and anger.

“What are you talking about?” Keith demanded, hands on his hips to imply that he wasn’t leaving until he got answers. He diverted his gaze between the pair with a million different scenarios circling around and around in his head. 

“Well, I-” Lance started but he brought himself to an abrupt halt. His face was blossoming a dark shade of red that reminded Keith of a tomato. The fact that he wasn’t rushing to answer the question just added to the suspicious nature of the situation.

“Lance, when I told you I worried about James, I trusted you. I didn’t think you would confront him about it. You don’t have the right.” Keith was speaking in a monotone that screamed to Lance about how infuriated it was. It was so much worse than Keith yelling loud enough to render his throat raw: it was on the border of sheer _ disappointment_. Disappointment wasn’t something Lance was particularly good at dealing with either.

Lance hung his head in shame. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be. I trust James, alright? He’d tell me if something was going on.”

“I just wanted to help you…”

“Well you didn’t, okay? I think you should leave.”

Lance turned to look at James for any form of help, drinking in his pale face and teary eyes. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t come to any conclusion about his expression that didn’t lead to James hiding something… _ but what_? With that idea eating him alive, Lance walked out of the dorm and left Keith alone in James’s presence.

-

Lance couldn’t help but _ observe _ James and that definitely wasn’t the result of jealousy. He was trying to look out for a friend; that was all. 

Pidge had invited everyone on a tour with her and her dad around the new Garrison technology but Lance could hardly tear his gaze away from James. It got to the point that every little thing Pidge was saying about her _ blah blah… converter… blah _ thing was going right over his head. He felt like a child zoning out in a classroom with the teacher’s annoying droning being filtered out into nothing more than background noise.

James looked up from where his gaze had been focused on the floor and briefly met eyes with Lance. _ Shit, James was onto him! _ He quickly turned his head away but it was too late; James had already noticed he had been staring. He immediately grabbed Lance’s arm and pulled them both away from the group, raising his eyebrows in a mixture of warning and suspicion. “I thought Keith told you to back off.” James all but snapped, voice hard with irritation.

“I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”

“You better because Keith shouldn’t be worrying and neither should you. Do I really need to spell it out to you? I’m fine.”

Lance hadn’t noticed until he had gotten closer to James but thick, dark bags had started to form under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping for a week but it wasn’t his business to ask. Letting his eyes thin in dismay and nodding, Lance ignored the nagging part of him that still didn’t believe James’s story.


	29. One with the Stars

The cold winter air made Lance’s hair sway as he stared directly up at the sky. An underwhelming amount of stars were glistening in the sky, not even comparable to the amount Lance had seen when he had travelled through space. It rendered the night sky on Earth dull and nowhere near as picturesque as Lance had once believed. As a boy, he had dreamed of the glistening stars and held his hands up to the sky whenever possible, hoping to steal the opportunity to touch them. Achieving his younger self’s dreams, Lance had become one with the stars and, so, they became a second home.

Part of Lance wished he could go back in time to the first day he had spent in space so he could relive it all again. He wished he could have caught Allura in his arms again, getting lost in her mesmerising eyes and finding the most beautiful song in her voice. He missed the absence of Keith in the equation, making his love life much simpler as it consisted of one beautiful princess. Then all the lines had blurred, Allura gave herself to the cause, Keith had jumped into the equation and everything had started to get turned on its head.

No matter how much Lance wished and begged the universe, he was never going to be able to find a time machine. He was stuck in the present, watching the one he loved date another.

Lance tugged his sleeves over his hands and folded his arms so his body could fight the chilling wind. A soft sigh escaped his lips and allowed his breath to dance up into the air. 

“Lance, are you even listening?” Lance snapped his head to the side to look at Keith, who he had completely forgotten was standing there.

“Oh, sorry. What did you say?”

“I said that the way Pidge implemented Alkafan and Altean technology was genius. She even managed to create another healing pod. It isn’t quite as efficient as the Altean’s but it does its job.”

“Cool.” It was clear enough in Lance’s uninterested, one-word response that he hadn’t been listening again.

“Is everything okay?”

“Fine, fine,” The next question that Lance blurted out had slipped out on its own accord. If he could have taken it back, he would have. “How are you and James? Is he still acting weird?”

Keith’s features hardened enough that it was noticeable. “Lance, I told you to leave us alone… I forgave you for pestering James on the one condition that you wouldn’t do it again.”

“I know but I worry. I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“He won’t… and, if you must know, _ yeah_, he’s acting kind of funny. He seems out of it a lot of the time and I still haven’t seen him eat any full meals.”

“Maybe you should get Hunk to cook him stuff. Then he won’t be able to deny the food.”

“James said he feels awkward around Hunk now because of what we have dubbed The Carbonara Incident.”

Lance snorted and, soon enough, he was in hysterics in the middle of the barely-lit school playground. Tears trailed down his face but it was unclear whether they were out of amusement or still from the mess that was his own brain. “The Carbonara Incident, are you actually serious?”

“Yep. It was James’s stupid idea, not mine.”

“That’s pretty cute actually,” Lance’s laughter finally ceased so he turned to meet eyes with Keith. They seemed to stare into each other’s souls for a long moment until Lance dropped his gaze to Keith’s pursed lips. Once he realised what he was doing, he forced himself to look away. “Still, it’s not good to not eat.”

“I know… but I trust him. He’d tell me if something was wrong.” Lance nodded, directing his gaze back at the sky. Silence lapsed over the pair before Keith spoke up again. “Are you cold? You’re shivering.”

Lance hadn’t even noticed. His teeth were chattering and his body was shaking in the cold Arizona air but his mind was too far away to even realise. Before he could think about opening his mouth and arguing, Keith shimmied off his jacket and threw it in Lance’s general direction. Lance caught it and felt it for a second, eyes thin as he tried to make sense of the situation.

“Put it on, you idiot. I don’t want you to freeze to death.”

-

It didn’t take long for Lance to realise that James _ always _ had his backpack on him. Lance had been trying to slide into more of his interactions with Keith, acting as Sherlock Holmes as he investigated the case that was James. Lance noticed that James brought it whenever they went off school grounds, he took it to lunch and he even took it when they went out to get coffee together. It didn’t make much sense since no one else bothered bringing so much and James didn’t seem to ever get anything out of the backpack.

After he came to the realisation, Lance invited James and Keith to lunch. Hunk was going to be cooking (James didn’t know that because Lance didn’t want James to avoid showing up) so James didn’t need to bring any of his own food in his bag. Still, as Lance predicted, when the pair walked into the Castle of Lion’s cafeteria, James had his backpack draped over his shoulders. They each sat around the table, chatting mindlessly until Hunk walked out of the kitchen with the food. James stiffened in his chair and Lance could have sworn he saw him twitch but soon compose himself by thanking the yellow paladin.

Keith smiled at his friend as he received his own food. Hunk retreated back into the kitchen before coming back out with his and Lance’s meals. Once everyone was settled, they began to dig into the meal; luckily it wasn’t pasta and James didn’t seem to be on the verge of vomiting that time.

Allowing his eyes to divert to James, Lance watched as he poked his food and frowned. Keith seemed to have noticed as he snuck a hand beneath the table to place on James’s thigh and began whispering something to his boyfriend. After a long moment, both of them stood up and sent an apologetic look to Hunk. “I’m just going to show James where the bathroom is.”

Being the wholesome human being Hunk was, he simply nodded and said, “Don’t be too long! Your food will get cold!”

James reached for his backpack but Lance blurt something out before James’s hand could reach the handle. “Surely you don’t need to take your bag to the bathroom? Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re going to steal your stuff or anything.”

Swallowing and backing up, James slowly shook his head. “Okay.” He seemed reluctant as Keith tugged him out of the room and not once did his eyes leave his bag until he was out of sight. As soon as he was gone, Lance jumped up and rushed over to the backpack.

“What are you doing?!” Hunk whispered, his eyes wide in shock.

“Trust me. Just don’t tell James, okay? I think there could be something in here that will tell us what’s going on with him because he never leaves it anywhere.”

“Lance, it’s probably private.”

Hunk didn’t tear his gaze from the door but he didn’t force Lance to stop so Lance started to unzip the bag. He shoved his hand inside and began to sift through the contents. There didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary, just a bunch of school books and a clear pencil case. _ But why would he bring his school bag everywhere? It didn’t make sense_.

Not wanting to give up until he got some form of evidence, Lance unzipped one of the smaller pockets inside. Once his eyes settled on what was in it, he let out a sharp gasp. He reached into it and pulled out his finding, turning to Hunk with his mouth wide open in disbelief.

It was a plastic bag, filled with pills.

-

Once the meal was over, only Hunk and Lance remained in the cafeteria. They hadn’t said a word since Keith and James had returned from the toilet, minds too caught up with what they had seen. The image of the pills was drilled into their brains but, no matter how much they tried to rationalise it, they kept coming to the same, horrifying conclusion.

They only began talking again once they were sure they were alone. “Is James on drugs?!” Lance practically yelled, burying his head into his hands. He wanted to be wrong but the evidence was right in front of their faces, screaming its head off. It explained James’s nausea, fatigue, unwillingness to go places, fidgeting… it explained everything.

“No, surely he isn’t that stupid. Maybe they’re medication. Antidepressants, maybe?”

“Yeah, you’re telling me antidepressants come in clear bags.”

“They might?” Even Hunk was aware he was clutching at straws but he was sure there would be a plausible explanation. There was no way that James Griffin, the biggest stickler for rules in the history of the term obedience, was taking drugs. 

“Should we tell Keith? Confront James?”

“I don’t know… what if he hurts himself? What if he accidentally overdoses or something?”

Lance clenched his jaw, an immense rage settling in the pit of his stomach. As much as Lance cared for James, he cared for Keith more and it would have been terrible for James to put Keith through another near-death experience. “I think we should confront him,” Lance said through gritted teeth, trying not to let his anger surface: he knew James was most likely going through a hard time too and it wasn’t all about Keith. “Keith doesn’t have to know for the time being.” Hunk furrowed his eyebrows in a way full of skepticism but eventually nodded.


	30. Need

“James, can I talk to you for a moment?” Lance questioned. When James looked up to him with wide, curious eyes but didn’t make any effort to move away from Keith, he added, “_Alone_.”

Keith shrugged and kissed James’s cheek before mumbling something about waiting in his room. James nodded before turning his attention back to Lance. The dark bags under his eyes seemed to stand out all the more after Lance had found something to alleviate his suspicion and confirm his thoughts.

“I know your secret,” Something washed over James’s face- a concoction of confusion and guilt- but, as quickly as it surfaced, it had disappeared again. Lance sat where Keith had been and leant forward, thinning his eyes as if he was about to start an interrogation. Suddenly, he was in the shoes of the police officer that had asked him an abundance of different questions when he had first returned to Earth. “You’ve been taking drugs.” The twitch on James’s face was so obvious that he might as well have told Lance about it himself.

“What?” James questioned, widening his eyes. “No! Where would you get that idea from?” James was panicking and that much was evident in the high pitch of his voice. His hands had moved to clench around the edge of the table and his body was stiff like a rock.

“I found them. Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine, I admit it. I’ve been taking pills…” James glanced around him and only continued once he realised there wasn’t anyone else around to listen in on their conversation. “But it’s only Adderall. It’s not- not LSD or some shit. I’m fine.”

“Adderall?” Lance’s face fell as he recognised the drug as one that was used to treat ADHD. James didn’t _ seem _ hyperactive at all but Lance didn’t want to jump to conclusions too quickly. For all he knew, James suffered from concentration problems in silence. After all, it might be a taboo topic for someone who stood proudly at the top of the class rankings. Maybe he was embarrassed to admit he relied on pills to maintain his position. “Isn’t that for-”

“ADHD, yeah. It helps me concentrate.”

“Did you get it prescribed to you then?”

James swallowed and stayed silent for a moment that seemed to drag on for eternity. He stared down at his lap, tears pricking in his eyes as he tried desperately to suppress the urge to cry. “No…”

“Where do you get them from then?”

“I know a guy… he sells them to me.”

Lance’s mouth dropped open to form an ‘o’ so perfect that it would have immensely satisfied anyone with an eye for perfection and neatness. James had confirmed it. His gut was right. _ James was taking unprescribed drugs. _ “James… that isn’t-” Lance was cut off before he could even contemplate the best way to voice his erratic thoughts.

“I know it isn’t healthy but exams are coming up and I can’t fail! I can’t risk losing my scholarship and losing my place at the top of the class. I- I need to study.”

“Well, of course you need to study… but you shouldn’t be taking pills for it…” Silence lapsed between them as neither knew what else to say. Lance was still in shock and James was too busy trying not to sob to articulate his thoughts. “Are- Are you going to tell Keith?”

“I can’t! He’ll make me stop taking them and I _ need _ them. You wouldn’t understand.”

Lance frowned as James’s head jolted up and he saw the tears shining in his eyes. James was obviously in deep, probably addicted to the pills after having taken them for who-knows-how-long. When James lurched forward and gripped onto Lance’s jacket with his trembling hands, he looked borderline insane… _ as you would expect of a drug addict. _“You’re going to kill yourself, James.”

“I won’t,” James removed his hands from Lance and buried his head into them. He clenched his jaw hard enough to make it ache. Tears were beginning to leak from his eyes but Lance couldn’t see them from where he was sitting. “My exams are next month. I promise I’ll stop taking them after. Just please… don’t tell Keith. It will hurt him so much. I don’t want to upset him or make him worry.”

“I won’t… just… you have to stop after the exams.” The way James’s shoulders trembled and his voice shook with trepidation made Lance feel sorry for him.

“I will,” They met eyes so James’s words seemed more authentic. “I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the short chapter but I still hope you enjoyed it :)


	31. Far Too Young to Die

Lance didn’t plan on telling Keith. He was going to let James get through his exams and then tell him so James didn’t have to worry about Keith and his exams at the same time. James already seemed to be on the cusp of a mental breakdown and Lance didn’t want to be the final shove that pushed him off the edge. In the end, Lance wasn’t given much of a choice.

It was 3am when Lance’s phone began to violently vibrate on his bedside table. He reached for it and felt around blindly until he was able to raise it up to his ear. “Hello?” He choked out, voice thick with sleep. He was much too tired to consider the implications of a call so early in the morning when most normal people would have been asleep.

“Lance, I think I’m being paranoid but James did something weird.” Keith’s words had Lance pulling himself up into a sitting position. He was speaking so fast that Lance’s brain took a long moment to process the words but, once it clicked, Lance started to push his covers off him. Most of him thought it was a false alarm but, knowing James’s habits, not checking in on him didn’t seem to be worth the risk.

“What did he do?”

“We were meant to meet up earlier so I could help him with the simulators but he cancelled last minute without an excuse. I called him to make sure he was okay but he sounded so distant and… and I didn’t think much of it at first but, since I’ve been laying in bed, I can’t stop thinking. What if- What if he-”

“Keith…”

“With the way he’s been acting and, since the call, he hasn’t read any of my messages… I can’t stop imagining him doing something stupid. I’m probably just being paranoid but I don’t know what to do…”

The image of James’s adderall made itself clear in Lance’s brain. He swallowed thickly as he pressed the tips of his fingers into his temples. “You’re not being paranoid.”

“He’s just been so down lately and it reminds me of how he was before- before his dad died. What if he tries to-” Keith was unable to finish as he let out a heavy sob. Each time he attempted to speak again, it just came out an inaudible wail.

“If it makes you feel better, we can check on him.” Lance didn’t even need to wait for Keith’s response: he had already gotten his shoes on. Placing the phone on loudspeaker, he began to butterfly-knot his laces so he was ready to go when Keith wanted him to.

“Could we?” Keith sounded so small and fragile; far from a brave defender of the universe. He sounded more like the kid who had just lost his dad and didn’t have any other family. All the progress Keith had made seemed to have backtracked and faded into dust.

“Meet me outside James’s dorm in a few minutes, alright?” Keith hummed before the line went dead. Lance rubbed his eyes before grabbing his jacket to pull over his pyjamas. He began to walk down the hall, triggering the sensors that turned on all of the lights as he did so. It took less than one minute for him to reach James’s dorm but Keith was already standing outside, hugging himself. Lance took it upon himself to raise his hand and knock a few times. When James didn’t open the door immediately and Keith sent him a worried expression, he murmured, “I’m sure it’s fine. He might just be asleep.”

“But what if he isn’t?” Keith spoke so softly that it sounded more like a release of air than speech.

After knocking a couple more times, Lance tried the handle. Surprisingly, the door opened. James’s lights were on, shining a spotlight onto the sight in front of the pair.

“Oh my God…” Keith stumbled backwards, flashbacks of James’s first suicide attempt flashing in his mind so rapidly that it triggered the onset of a migraine. His hands flew to his mouth as his brain refused to let him turn away. Lance didn’t pay any attention to Keith as he dialled for the emergency services on his phone and explained the situation.

“It’s my friend. We’re at the Galaxy Garrison in dorm 11A. He’s out cold.” Lance leaned forward and pressed his fingers into James’s thin wrist. “He still has a pulse.” 

Keith’s knees buckled in beneath him as his ears rang with a deafeningly high-pitched noise. He couldn’t even find it in himself to sob because _ it was all happening again. _Suddenly, Keith was fifteen years old and he was stumbling across his best friend after an overdose all over again. He could remember cradling him and blurting out a bunch of bullshit to the emergency services because his friend was too young to die. James was still much too young to die.

_ He should have noticed. He should have pushed him into speaking. He should have been a better boyfriend. He should have been there. Keith should have stopped James from feeling like he needed to end it all. _In other words, Keith was sure it was all his fault.

Lance sounded a million miles away and underwater as he choked out, “Overdose,” The next thing Keith heard was the word, “Adderall,” which didn’t make sense but it was too much for his panicking brain to acknowledge and dwell on.

-

“I don’t get it,” Keith hung his head, refusing to look at James, Lance or the doctor. “Why would he take ADHD drugs if he doesn’t have ADHD?” He sounded so naive and confused, as he had been the day he found out about his dad’s death. It always felt like he was in the background, simply an extra that was there to assist with the protagonist’s storyline. He didn’t have control of the world around him and _ everyone always left_. No one stayed forever. Lance reached out to press his hand onto Keith’s arm as an attempt of comfort but Keith shook him off. 

“People sometimes take them because they increase productivity,” The doctor explained. “It’s a stimulant and quite often we see students take them towards exam season.”

“His exams were next week…”

“That might be why he was taking it then. We will only know once he wakes up and we can ask him himself.”

Keith raised his head and turned to Lance to mumble, "Did you know?” His voice was hoarse from crying and it was clear that his hand was trembling from where it was sat on top of James’s.

“I-” Lance started but Keith cut him off before he could even _ think _ about continuing.

“Tell me the truth.”

“I found out last week. I confronted him about it and he promised he would stop after his exams.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It… It wasn’t my place to say.”

“This is all your fault,” Keith stood up and pressed both of his hands into Lance’s chest to shove him back. Lance stumbled but managed to regain his balance in time to stop himself from falling. “If you had just told me, James would never have overdosed.”

“Keith-”

“If he,” Keith cleared his throat to compose himself and stop his voice from cracking. “If he doesn’t make it, it’s all on you. I will _ never _ forgive you.”

“Look, I-”

“Leave. I don’t want you here.”

Lance opened his mouth to argue but the doctor sent him a look that told him to back off. He swerved around and walked out of the hospital without any other words.

Blood boiling, he walked out into the early morning air. Without a watch and his phone dead, Lance could only assume it was about four in the morning. Despite the rest of the world being asleep, the hospital car park was more alive than ever. Lance couldn’t help but feel like he was frozen in one spot whilst the world moved as a blur around him.


	32. Every Second Counts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because my brain is great, I'm posting this at 3:35am and I just know I'm not going to sleep. I have to be up at 7:30...
> 
> Also fun fact: Every Second Counts was the working title for this book. I always think it's cool to share this stupid information as if someone really does care.

Keith didn’t leave James’s side until Shiro made a point of coming into the hospital and demanding Keith to go back to his dorm and shower _ at the very least_. Shiro was still a leader to Keith so he obeyed, heading home with only the slightest amount of argument. He managed to make it back to his dorm before he broke down again. Tears streamed down his face as he collapsed onto his bed and remembered what he said to Lance. He had _ blamed _ him.

Really, it was _ his _ fault. Keith should have noticed. He should have forced James to explain his reluctance to eat and his exhaustion. He should have but he didn’t. James was fighting for his life in a hospital bed (because Pidge’s healing pods weren’t quite passed test runs and she didn’t want to risk harming him further). It was his fault.

He grabbed the nearest item to him- his cropped jacket- and launched it across the room with an abrupt yell. It was loud enough to shake the room but he didn’t stop. He grabbed his pillows and threw them before moving onto other random items. By the time everything within reach had been launched across the room, his vision was blurry and he was breathing so heavily that it seemed he had ran a marathon. He buried his hands into his hair and pulled at it before screaming until his throat became raw.

He only stopped when the Garrison’s alarms began to ring. They blared throughout the room and the corridors, loudly enough to grab everyone’s attention. Keith glanced up at the flashing red alarm through wide, teary eyes, muttering, “Please… not now…”

Lance was sat in his own dorm, cross-legged on his bed. He had been staring up at the ceiling whilst different thoughts rushed through his head so rapidly that it was giving him whiplash. The alarm made him jump out of his skin but he was quick to react and jump onto his feet. He wiped his eyes with both fists before racing down the halls to where he knew the lions were being kept. As always, he knew his problems were menial compared to the rest of Earth and the universe.

Shiro leant back, head snapping up to look at the alarm. Adam had had to cut his sentence off halfway so they could react to the alarm. They knew what it meant as a result of Shiro’s time in space and Adam’s thorough training. _ They were under attack… but if it wasn’t the Galra then who else could it be? _ They exchanged a look full of determination before jumping up onto their feet and running their separate ways towards where they needed to be.

Volunteering in the school’s cafeteria, Hunk was testing out a new dish of his. It was an experiment and he had only just pulled it out of the oven when the alarm sounded. For a second, he wondered whether he had accidentally burned something and triggered the fire alarm but the sound was distinct. It was the attack alarm. He pulled off his oven gloves and suppressed the nausea forming in his chest before taking off without saying another word to the cafeteria staff.

“What?” Pidge mumbled, eyes thinning into slits. “It can’t be the Galra, can it?” She spared a glance at her dad who seemed equally as concerned as her before they both took off. They couldn’t waste a single moment: _ every second counted. _Each second could be the difference between life and death for someone.

Once they were all seated in their lions, they flew to the skies where a single ship that seemed to be about the same size as Voltron was waiting for them. It hovered in the air like something taken right out of a Transformers movie, fully prepared to crush anything that stood in its way. The thing- whatever it was- was holding two identical swords that glowed in a way that made them appear on the verge of magical. The body of the ship was slim with heavy, thick shoulders that simulated muscles. The lack of thickness clearly made it much more agile than Voltron. Its face was small and it shone a light purple that once may have been Shiro’s favourite colour but would soon come to represent an indescribable amount of pain.

Keith had a hard look of determination across his face, eyes still rimmed red from all of the crying he had done. Lance and Pidge were leaning forward in their seats whilst their hands clutched onto the controls with all of their might. Hunk was trying his hardest not to vomit up his lunch as Shiro yelled, “Form Voltron!” at the top of his lungs.

Together, they became one. Moments seemed to last for hours as they retracted into their respective body parts and formed their long sword. They stood against the enemy, both the same height but the other having an advantage. The enemy pressed both of its arms against each other and began to shake violently. It looked like it was building pressure but not even Shiro knew how to respond. He stared forward with an open mouth as, almost in slow motion, a purple beam was released. “Move!” Shiro just about managed to scream before jerking Voltron to the side just in time to dodge the hit.

Swallowing and taking a long, deep breath, Shiro attempted to calculate the best approach to an attack. Keith was gritting his teeth hard enough to make his jaw ache but refused to back down. There was something about adversity that made him want to work harder to prove he wasn’t weak. They had to dodge another hit before they were able to get close enough to the enemy to swing their sword. The other ship was able to dodge the movement like lightning, becoming a blur as it moved and it moved and it _ moved._

“It’s so much stronger,” Lance choked out, the only person willing to face the truth. “I don’t know if we can beat it.”

“Yes, we can.” Shiro muttered, commanding another swing of the sword. It barely scratched the enemy’s shoulder.

“No, we can’t! We need to-” Lance was cut off as another laser beam was sent charging towards them. It smashed right into Voltron’s stomach, causing the lions to spiral off into their own directions. Each paladin released their own loud, harrowing scream full of pain. Black catapulted into the air as Shiro pulled at the controls in an attempt to remain in control. Green skidded to the left, the lion struggling to stay in the air until it crashed to the ground and skidded to a halt. Yellow span in endless circles as Hunk tried not to puke, holding one hand over his mouth and using the other to grip onto his chair so he didn’t go flying. Inside Red, Keith was pulling harshly at his hair. His attempts to get the lion to move were pointless as it seemed to be stuck in shock. It was frozen in its pose staring up at the enemy that, after being split from Voltron, was about twenty times its size.

Blue had been launched the furthest and didn’t stop flying until she crashed into a heap on the ground. Lance’s com went fuzzy and cut off his longitudinal scream, forcing him into silence. From where Red was frozen, Keith was able to see the exact moment the light left Blue’s eyes and she shut down.

Keith gripped Red’s controls much more harshly than before, lurching them forward with such force that it was surprising he didn’t tear them straight off the control panel. Red let out a roar of dismay but knew she had to trust her paladin and let him guide her. He rushed towards the enemy without a clear plan in his mind, impulsive as usual. As soon as Shiro saw him move, he forced Black into gear and shoved him backwards. “You’re going to get yourself killed.” Shiro snapped, eyebrows furrowed. He sounded angry but he was predominantly worried and concerned for Keith’s wellbeing. 

“Why does it matter?” Keith’s question lingered in the air for a prolonged moment: no one wanted to answer. Green diverted their attention to her as she rose up to stand beside her teammates again.

“He overpowers us in every way,” Pidge explained as she appeared in front of both Keith and Shiro, thanks to the video chatting element of the coms. She had a deep frown that reached from one end of her face to the other. “And… without Voltron-”

“We have to defeat it or it’s going to damage Earth, Pidge.”

“But we can’t.” Green turned to Yellow in time to watch her use all of her strength to stop a building from collapsing onto shocked civilians. She only dropped the rubble once she knew the people were far enough away for it to be safe.

“Yes, you can.” The foreign voice that hadn’t been a part of the conversation up to that point elicited each lion- with the exception of Blue who still hadn’t made a reappearance- to turn around. Each of the paladins’ mouths dropped open into perfect ‘o’s as their eyes settled on the Atlas.

To their knowledge, they had been unable to find a method for powering the ship. Little did they know, Coran had come up with the ingenious idea to run it on the diamond created from the original Castle of Lions. The idea had been a stab in the dark but it had paid off. The confidence and hope of Team Voltron multiplied by a million with another ship on their side.

“Adam,” Shiro murmured, knowing he had assigned the job of piloting the Atlas to his boyfriend once he had realised he was going to be required as the black paladin once again. “You-”

“We don’t have the time to talk,” Adam grinned from where he was standing behind the main control panel of the Atlas, urging it forward to attack the enemy. In comparison, the Atlas was double the size and much stronger than each individual lion. A couple of hits from the foreign ship had the entire Atlas shaking but didn’t quite damage their defences. “I think the lions need to focus on distracting it.”

“On it! Paladins, you heard Adam. Split up and aim random attacks at the ship so the Atlas can attack.”

Each paladin responded in their own ways, pushing forward with newfound hope. Green began shooting random vines at the ship and Black began using her mouth cannon to shoot whilst Yellow threw himself against it and Red breathed fire. The ship tried to focus on each of them but was unable to keep up with the attacks of five separate ships, rendering it defenceless for just enough time to charge the Zeiforge cannon. The pressure from one hit was enough to send the enemy surging backwards.

“Keep going!” Shiro urged, continuing with the constant attacks. After another hit from the Atlas’s cannon, the ship crashed to the ground and went as limp as the blue lion had. Where it had fallen, it was surrounded by a large, deep crater. It looked like it was a result of an asteroid and not a massive spaceship.

Whilst they dealt with the enemy, Keith guided Red towards Blue. She was still down, lying limp in the middle of the ground. Keith commanded Red to the floor before climbing out and rushing towards the lion. “Blue? Is Lance okay?” He asked, voice wavering in desperation: he had had enough emotional turmoil for the day (and for his life). Blue didn’t appear to have the energy to raise her barrier as Keith was able to open her doors and climb in without hassle. Lance was still sitting in the pilot’s chair, head in his hands, but he was still very much alive. “Lance!” Keith raced towards his friend, face lit up like the usn. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do I need to get a doctor?”

“No, I’m fine…” Lance mumbled, wiping away his tears with the hope that Keith wouldn’t notice he had been crying. Lance turned to look at something on the floor so Keith followed his gaze before taking in Lance’s obliterated helmet. It was covered in cracks and had completely fallen apart, no life left in it at all. When Keith reached to pick it up and pressed a piece to his ear, he couldn’t even hear the static where the coms had completely shut down on Lance. “The helmet saved my life. That could have been my _ head _ if I hadn’t been wearing it.” Lance didn’t seem to blink as he stared at the helmet, voice quivering as if he was in shock. Keith pulled him into a loose hug, allowing Lance to bury his head into Keith’s shoulder to block out the sight of what could have been his head.

“But you were wearing it and you’re still here. Don’t think about the what ifs. All that does is freak you out.” Lance nodded stiffly. By then they had parted which gave Keith a full view of Lance chewing on his bottom lip enough to draw blood.

“I can’t hear Blue though…” Lance didn’t mean to let it slip but he couldn’t hold back a sob. He buried his head into his hands again, entire body shaking. “Do you think she’ll be okay? I- I haven’t lost her… have I? She can be fixed, right?”

“Pidge can fix anything so I’m sure she can help Blue. She’s going to be alright.”

“Are you sure? I can’t lose her. She’s all I’ve got left of Allura and- and she’s my home, Keith.” Lance’s voice cracked on the word ‘_home_’, a colossal amount of pain hidden behind what first appeared to be an innocent word. Keith’s heart smashed into a billion pieces as he watched his friend fall apart in front of him. “My family are all weird around me these days. Blue is the only person- _ lion _\- that makes me feel at ease. I hate being so- so tense all the time.”

“I know the feeling. When James was acting strange, I knew I had Red to come to and she’d look after me. Blue’s going to be alright. I will make sure of it.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Maybe Keith was in shock too because he found his eyes dropping to look at Lance’s lips. As soon as he realised what he was doing, he forced himself to look away.

“Lance?” Lance flickered his gaze up as a silent response. “I’m sorry I blamed you for what happened to James.”

“It’s okay. You were upset and I should have told you anyway. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

Meanwhile, Shiro had entered the enemy ship to investigate. He was holding his bayard against his chest, full prepared to attack any life forms he came across. He stepped forward and moved slowly enough to examine each corner he went around in search of any aliens. It was only once he reached the main control room that he found anyone. His mouth fell open in shock as he stared into the eyes of someone he was sure he had seen before.

It took him a moment but it soon clicked.

The piercing yellow eyes. The long, white hair. The purple skin. 

“_Lotor?_”


	33. A Kid with Depression

Keith was sat on his bed, flicking through a random book he’d found when his phone began to blare out his ringtone. Confused, Keith reached for it and answered, forcing out a tiny, “Hello?” It wasn’t often he got calls, let alone ones from a number he didn’t already have in his contacts.

“Is this Keith Kogane?” The authoritative tone of the speaker made Keith sit up straighter. “A patient, James Griffin, wanted us to inform you that he is awake and stable.”

Keith was already halfway through tugging on his jacket when he said, “I’m on my way.” He slipped on his shoes without bothering to tie up the laces and took off in a sprint down the hallway. 

-

James decided to skip the friendly greeting when he watched Keith walk into his hospital room. The first thing that tumbled out of his mouth was, “I’m so sorry.”

Keith didn’t even look at him. His gaze remained frozen on the floor as tears began to gather in his eyes. “Why did you do it?” His voice was so fragile that it instantly triggered the onset of tears in James’s eyes too. 

“I can’t fail my exams, Keith. The Garrison might kick me out if I do but I don’t have anywhere else to go. I can’t lose this scholarship.”

“That doesn’t mean you should take drugs!” Keith didn’t mean to shout: it was just a festering of all of his inner fury finally making its way to the surface. It must have registered that they were in a public space because, the next time he spoke, his voice was a low monotone. James thought it was so much worse than the shouting. “You’d have passed anyway. You’re the smartest in your class.”

“I’m not…”

“You come top in every test and score perfect on the simulators every time, James.”

“Last time I got top by one mark.”

“That’s still good! You can’t seriously expect to always be better than everyone else,” James hung his head and paid more attention to a loose thread in his hospital gown than Keith. “It’s just a fact of life that you can’t always be the best.”

“It’s all I have,” James’s voice was trembling so much that Keith was impressed at his ability to suppress sobs. “I don’t have a family to push me and help me succeed. When my dad-” James’s breath hitched so he left the clause unfinished. Both James and Keith knew what he had been trying to say anyway. “After I tried… I tried to kill myself… teachers kept taking me out of lessons and saying they would understand if I needed time out of class. They just pitied me. I was just a kid with depression and a dad that had vanished out of thin air.”

Finally, James hunched over and sobbed. The sound seemed to echo around the room, so deafening that it made Keith’s ears ring. “James-” He started, wanting him to know he wasn’t obliged to continue. James cut him off.

“I had to prove myself to them… so I worked harder. I barely slept because I was studying so much. I was so tired all the time that I could hardly concentrate. I did some research and realised ADHD prescription meds might help. I wasn’t in the right state of mind so… so I found someone who’d sell them to me. The first time I took one, it was like a miracle. It made me feel so much more awake and focused… so I took more. Eventually, I had to take more pills at the same time to get that same effect that I wanted. I felt like I needed them to keep me focused. The night I-” James swallowed. He gave himself a moment to compose himself so, the next time he spoke, his voice was steader and more coherent. “The night I overdosed, it was an accident. I took a few and they didn’t help so I just kept taking them. I didn’t realise what I’d done until it was too late to go back.”

Keith chose against saying anything and, instead, climbed onto the small bed alongside James. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him towards his chest. Sobs shook James as Keith rubbed circles onto his back.

James sounded vulnerable and afraid like a small child who had lost his parents when he murmured, “I need help.” In a way, he was that child but, not only had he lost his dad, he had lost his way in life too. He was a soul that had lost its way, wandering through acres and acres of forest that all looked identical. It meant he couldn’t trace his steps back and was stuck circling the same places over and over again without any hope of getting out. 

“I know,” Keith whispered into James’s hair. He closed his eyes and breathed in the soft scent of James’s coconut shampoo to ground himself. He blinked, letting a single tear trail down his left cheek. “You’re going to get help and we’re going to fight this addiction… together.”

-

Keith turned his head as someone wandered into the hospital room. James had seemed much more stable since he admitted his need for help but, still, he didn’t expect any visitors beside his boyfriend (_who else would care about him anyway?_) When both his and Keith’s eyes settled on the man clad in police uniform, their hearts plummeted to the floor. Keith was certain he was about to be arrested for killing James’s dad, despite the case of his disappearance being terminated.

Surprisingly, the officer- _ Bentley, Keith recalled-_ smiled fondly at the pair. “I would like to apologise,” He pulled his hat off his head and held it up to his chest as if he were a child hugging their favourite teddy bear. He even bowed down ever so slightly before he spoke again. “I was wrong about you and the rest of Voltron.”

“What do you mean?” Keith murmured. He strengthened his grip on James’s hand to fulfil his own selfish desire for comfort. 

“I accused you of murder and presumed you were a bad person but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The other day, during your fight with the other ship, I was there. I saw it all. I was out with my partner and baby at the time and a building almost crushed us but a member of your team saved our lives. The yellow one, I believe.”

A smile tugged at Keith’s lips, though he hadn’t seen the building collapse himself. It was just like Hunk to be the one to dive in first to rescue civilians. Pride for his team sweltered in the pit of Keith’s chest. He made a mental note to thank Hunk for putting Keith in the clear with the police officer. “It is our duty to protect the innocent.”

“I can’t thank you enough… You and your team are all good people; I’m sure of it now. You helped me realise just how short life is. I’m not sure you care but last night… I proposed to my girlfriend,” The grin on Bentley’s face practically radiated throughout the room like a beam of sunlight. Despite all of the anxiety the police officer had given him, Keith couldn’t help but feel happy for him. “Thank you so much. For everything you do.”

Keith nodded his head. “Congratulations for getting engaged.”

“Thank you… if it weren’t for you and the rest of Voltron, I would still be too scared to ask.” Bentley held out his hand for Keith to shake but ended up pulling him into a hug instead. “You’re incredibly brave. Keep it up, son.”

“I’ll try my best.” With one last smile, Bentley walked out again, leaving James and Keith in shock. They exchanged a look as if to say ‘_what on earth just happened?_’ before Keith wrapped his arm back around James and let silence wash over them again.


	34. Isolation

Since the battle with the alien ship, Lotor was being kept inside a locked room inside the basement of the Garrison. No one had bothered him, except to give him the food and water he needed in order to survive. It was Lance who was convinced to interrogate him after Shiro decided he was the ‘talker’ of Voltron. Keith was best in combat, Shiro in decision-making, Pidge in science, Hunk in kindness and acceptance but Lance was best at comforting and convincing. 

“Lotor,” Lance began as he stepped into the small cell. Two guards were behind him but Lance ushered them back out of the room so Lotor would be more comfortable to speak. “I’m Lance.”

“I know: we’ve met before.” Lotor stated, pulling himself up onto his feet. The chain around his right food jingled but he didn’t seem at all phased. He stalked towards Lance, eyes thin as he circled him like a bird of prey would circle its lunch.

“I think we should cut straight to the chase. How did you escape the rift between realities? We thought you’d been killed.” Lance folded his arms and hardened his stare but Lotor didn’t seem bothered. Lotor threw his head back and laughed as if the world being in danger was a sick kind of joke.

“You underestimate me, paladin. I got out. It wasn’t easy but here I am to tell the tale.”

“Why invade Earth? Why not accept your loss against Voltron?”

“Because you ruined my plans,” Lotor jabbed a single finger into Lance’s chest, harshly enough to push him backwards. “I could have gotten quintessence and become all powerful but you got in my way. I needed to avenge myself but, here you are, in my way again. Now I must dispose of you and the rest of Voltron.”

“Well you can’t. You’re stuck here.”

Lotor went silent as he slumped back into a sitting position against the wall. He pulled his legs to his chest and hugged them, staring up at the ceiling in deep thought. Lance observed him for a moment to drink in his suspicious contemplative expression. “I know you know as much as I do about what it’s like to feel isolated.”

“Lotor, I’m not here to chit chat. I just want to get information.”

“Come on, paladin, isolation is crippling, don’t you think? When you’re surrounded by people who are supposed to love you but still look at you as if you’re insane…” Lance glared at his feet; that was what reassured Lotor that he was succeeding in bothering him. “When you think people care for you but they stab you in the back so you can’t trust them anymore.”

“You aren’t going to convince me to turn on anyone. I’m not that dumb.”

Lotor snorted. “I’m not trying to. I’m simply telling you the truth. I’ve been isolated all of my life and I know you’ve felt like that too. I suppose it’s something we can bond over.”

“I will not bond with a criminal. You tried to destroy my home planet. Do you have others working with you? Are they going to try and pull a rescue mission?”

“Nope. I worked with the Alkafans that were on my ship and that was all.”

“Why work with the Alkafans?”

“We had common goals… we have people and plans to avenge. We were stronger together.”

“But, still, not strong enough.” Lance leant against the wall and folded his arms, feeling like he had achieved the upper hand. Lotor’s lips spread into a mischievous grin that resulted in a drop in Lance’s confidence all over again. He wished he could have read the Galran’s mind to make sense of the situation and to find valid information to report back to Shiro but he couldn’t. 

“Indeed…”

Lance’s watch began to release a high-pitched beep on his wrist, telling him it was time to give up and go back to Shiro. He forced a smile for the prisoner, mumbling, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Lotor nodded because he was going to be waiting for Lance. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go.

-

Despite having been released from the hospital, James still appeared to be under the weather. He hardly spoke and barely left the safety of his room, insisting that Keith stayed with him most of the time. It was like he had lost his independence and personality after having to be admitted to hospital.

It was one of the bad days where James was rendered a trembling mess from where he was cuddled up next to Keith. He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his fists were clutching Keith’s jacket, not daring to let go. After a moment of Keith just whispering soft words into his ear and rubbing his back, James murmured, “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“I’ll get a…” Keith started but trailed off once James was sick all over his front. Tears began to stream down his cheeks as his teeth chattered and his body continued to shake. “Okay, we’re going to have to clean you up.”

With a mixture of a sob and a retch, James hunched over. His face was a ghostly white that made him appear more like a corpse than a living human being. He couldn’t help but feel pathetic, like a small baby relying on their mother to relieve their most basic needs. After everything that had happened, he could hardly look after himself. Keith was his mother, wiping his face with a napkin and giving him a bottle to feed from. 

“Do you think you’re up for a shower?”

James tried to look up to meet Keith’s eyes but soon looked down in shame. He ended up shaking his head. “I’m going to get you a fresh shirt then, okay? And something to be sick in so you aren’t constantly covered in your own vomit.”

After James hummed, Keith pulled himself up and began to sift through James’s wardrobe. It was a mess with most of the clothes sat in a pile on the bottom of the cupboard as opposed to being hung up as they were supposed to be. Keith chose the first shirt his hand touched- a black band t-shirt- and helped James get out of the soiled one he was currently wearing. Once it was off, Keith pulled the other one over his head.

“I’m going to run and get a bowl. Stay here.”

“It’s not like I have much of a choice…” James whispered so quietly that the words didn’t register in Keith’s brain. Keith rushed down the hall as if he was part of a race until he reached the shared kitchen. One of the other people on James’s floor was sat at the table, typing on her phone as a pot of pasta boiled on the stove. Knowing James didn’t talk to anyone on his floor, Keith ignored her and picked out the first bowl he came across. He brought it back to his sick boyfriend and handed it to him. Once James was clutching onto it, he couldn’t stop the tears from escaping. “I’m so pathetic, aren’t I?”

“No, no, don’t say that,” Keith rubbed James’s back in a way that had almost become a reflex for him. “You’re strong. You can get through this.”

“But I can’t… I- I need-”

“You don’t need any more pills. You’ll be alright.”

“You don’t understand!” James yelled but he sounded so _ weak _ and _ broken._ He knocked the bowl to the ground and hit his clenched fists against Keith’s chest. “I have to-” He pulled himself up onto his feet, legs shaking but not quite giving in on him. He managed a few steps forward before Keith grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving.

“I know I don’t understand but you can’t get more pills. The doctor said it could kill you.”

“I don’t care, Keith. I- I... Let me die!” James started to heave again but, luckily, Keith was quick enough in getting the bowl to him so he didn’t throw up over himself again. When he next spoke, his voice was much calmer but was laced with an intense kind of hopelessness. “I feel like shit.”

“I know you do but death is not the answer. I don’t even want you to joke about it because you have had enough near death experiences for one lifetime.” James didn’t say anything as he sunk back onto the bed. He hunched over and pulled his legs up onto the bed so he could hug them. “Do you want to watch a movie together or something?” James nodded. He let Keith pull him closer, mumbling soft words, mumbling soft words along the lines of, “_y__ou’re going to be okay_” every few seconds. He used the arm that wasn’t around James to reach for the remote and turn on James’s TV.


	35. Scholarships and Exams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is safe and okay right now. Remember how important it is to follow the guidelines given by the government to wash your hands and self isolate if you have a temperature or a cough. If you're anxious, remember you're not alone; many people are in the same boat as you. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me!

“You can’t keep me trapped here forever.” Lotor pointed out, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling. He had his legs out in front of him that time and they took up about half of the cell on their own. 

“I think we can.” Lance mumbled, hands shoved into his pockets and back leant against the wall. He knew Lotor wouldn’t dare hurt him so he was safe; even if he tried anything, the Garrison guards were just outside the room, ready to step in when necessary.

“What if I told you I was sorry? I was dumb to think I could ever defeat Voltron and I was an imbocile for even thinking you were the bad guys. Harvesting quintessence was a bad thing to do and I get it now.”

“Well I’d tell you that I’m aware everything that comes out of your mouth is complete and utter bullshit.”

“Ouch, I thought you, of all people, would understand...” Lotor blew a strand of hair away from his face, blinking a couple of times before turning to look at Lance. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips once he realised how confused Lance looked with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips. “I mean, you like the red paladin, after all. Even after everything he did.”

“Oh yeah? What do you think he did then?”

“He killed someone. He’s just as bad as me and we both know it. Yet, you still find it in your heart to love him. Why?”

“He is nowhere near as bad as you. How did you know about that anyway?”

Lotor smirked, cracking the knuckles of his left hand. The sound seemed to echo around the small cell, circling Lance in a way that made him feel vulnerable. He had to reassure himself mentally that he was okay. The guards outside the room would help him if Lotor tried anything stupid. “The word gets around.”

“Who told you? Where did you get that information?” Lance was well aware that he was letting his guard down and being too defensive but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

All of a sudden, Lotor began to laugh. He threw his head back and chuckled, not stopping until Lance walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

-

“So how’re things?” Lance asked as he sat down at the lunch table. It was one of the rare occasions he was able to meet with Keith and the other paladins after everything that had happened. Shiro was sat to his right and Keith and James were both opposite him, leaning on each other as usual. Hunk and Pidge were out in the kitchen, preparing to bring everyone their food.

“They’re okay. James is doing a bit better,” Keith muttered. Lance moved his gaze to Keith’s boyfriend, taking in the deep, black bags beneath his eyes and somehow finding it difficult to believe Keith’s words. It looked like James hadn’t slept in days. His eyelids seemed heavy, fluttering shut every so often, only to have James force them back open. “How are things with you? I heard Shiro talked you into negotiating with Lotor.”

“Yeah, they’re fine. Lotor is trying to play mind games with me which sucks but, yeah, I won’t let him get to me.”

“Speaking of,” Shiro chipped in, leaning forward so he could look at Lance. “Have you got any information from him yet?”

“Not much. I know he attacked Earth because he wanted to avenge his plans or something. Apparently he worked with the Alkafans because they shared a common goal.”

“Well I guess that makes sense…” Shiro trailed off as Hunk and Pidge brought the meals into the room and began placing them out. Lance grinned as a plate of pizza was put down in front of him, immediately diving into a piece he believed had the most toppings on. 

Everyone dug in with the exception of James. He sat with his head on Keith’s shoulder, face pale and eyes lidded. “Are you not going to eat?” Hunk questioned, face falling as he recalled the first time he had cooked for James: he didn’t want a repeat of that.

“He’s… he’s just struggling a bit with the withdrawal…” Everyone around the table hummed simultaneously, faces sullen. James avoided everyone’s gazes as a frown and an embarrassed blush spread across his face. “He’s still nauseous.”

“Would it be better if I made him some soup or something?”

James didn’t react but Keith nodded. Hunk forced a smile before rushing back into the kitchen to make James some soup. It was a slight inconvenience but Hunk didn’t mind, as long as James ended up okay. (He considered it an apology for making him throw up before.)

-

“Shit!” James yelled, sitting up so abruptly that it jolted Keith out of his own sleeping state. James began to fumble around him, frantically shoving the cover off of him and getting up onto his feet.

“What are you doing?” Keith asked with a voice still laced with exhaustion. He reached out to wrap his hand around James’s wrist and stop him from walking too far away.

“I have my exam today. It’s in-” James glanced at the alarm clock sat on his bedside table. “Ten minutes. Shit, shit, shit-” It was clear in James’s face that he was beginning to panic, eyes wide open as they searched for his uniform that he hadn’t worn in a few weeks. He didn’t even know where it was, though it was most likely buried deep in his colossal pile of laundry. His breathing had become erratic as it made his body tremble and his heart pound inside his chest.

“James, sit down.”

“I can’t miss the exam. I need to go. I- I-” Keith had entirely expected it when James broke down into tears. He buried his head into his hands to hide the tears but, still, Keith could hear his desperate sobs.

“I’ll talk to Iverson for you. I’m sure you can take it later. They’ll understand that you need time to recover-”

“What if they kick me out? My scholarship is all I have and I can’t-”

“I know you can’t lose it. I’ll go and find Iverson now if you want."

“Can I come with you? Just in case he wants me to take the exam now anyway-”

“He won’t but, yeah, you can come. Come on, let’s get dressed.” James nodded before heading over to his wardrobe. Too lazy and time restricted to go to Keith’s room to get him some clothes, he chucked him a hoodie that he knew would be oversized on him and some of his tighter trousers. Like little kids, they swerved around and got dressed with their backs to each other. Once they turned back, James couldn’t help as a smile tugged at his lips. His hoodie made Keith look so small and vulnerable; far from the courageous paladin he truly was. The sight made almost grounded James and made him feel slightly less anxious about the situation.

James laced their fingers together, basking in the warmth of Keith’s hand. Together, they made their way down the hall in search of Iverson. It didn’t take long to find him, standing outside the exam hall as he waited for anyone who turned up late. Upon seeing James, his eyebrows raised and his lips pursed. 

James didn’t make an effort to start the conversation so Keith took it upon himself to do so. “Is it alright if we speak with you for a moment, Sir?”

Iverson let out a soft sigh before murmuring, “No need to call me Sir. I’m sure you’re above me in the rankings now, being a paladin of the universe and all.” Keith forced a smile but he wasn’t there to joke or to be nice to the man who had, for some reason, hated him most of his life. 

“Is it alright to rearrange James’s exams? I’m sure you’re aware of his situation.”

“I am. You know exams are serious and they’re at particular times for a reason. We can’t just rearrange them whenever you please."

“Surely you can make an exception just this once-”

“If I make an exception for James, everyone will want me to postpone the date which is just impossible.”

Keith clenched his hands into fists. James was quick to notice so wrapped his hand around Keith’s arm to stop him from doing anything rash: the last thing the pair needed was for Keith to get himself in trouble for assaulting a teacher. “Do you need proof that James has been in hospital? He can’t take the exam.”

“We understand that his circumstances are difficult but-”

“This is bullshit.”

“Kogane, don’t use that kind of language. This is a formal environment where swearing is not-”

“I don’t care or… or should I say I don’t give a fuck. There is no way that James is taking the fucking exam.” James was well aware that Keith was swearing to irritate Iverson further and, at any other time, he might have found it funny. In that situation, he did not. He used his wide, teary eyes to beg Keith to shut up and back down from the argument that was beginning to fester.

“Keith-” James tried to argue but he was cut off as Iverson and Keith hurtled head on into a verbal fight. James shrunk back inside himself, watching as it laid out like it had when Keith had been a problematic schoolkid alongside him before he had disappeared with James’s dad.

“I think James can talk for himself. If he thinks he can take the exam now, he can take it.”

“He can’t take the exam! He’s been in such a state for the last week so he can’t-”

“James can speak for himself. You’re just letting your temper get the best of you like you always used to."

“I’m not. I’m stating the truth, that’s all.”

“Stop,” James choked out. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying his hardest not to burst into tears. “It’s probably too late to do it now anyway.”

“You’re lucky you’re right, Griffin,” Iverson slapped his hand against James’s shoulder harshly enough to make him flinch. “I’ll see what I can do, alright?”

James just about managed to muster a whisper of “Thank you, Sir,” before Keith abruptly pulled him down the hall, away from who he perceived to be the least empathetic man in the universe (_y__es, he was even less empathetic than Zarkon_).


	36. The Shark-Napping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... my country is officially on lockdown as of today because of the coronavirus. I hope everyone is safe out there. Is your country on lockdown? How do you feel about the situation? Remember, if you need to talk to anyone, I'm always here for you. You can message me on Wattpad or Instagram and I will respond as soon as I can (which should be pretty fast now I'm stuck at home). My username for Wattpad and Instagram is also AllTimePhan73 :)

“Hey,” Lance greeted, leaning against the doorway of Keith’s room. It wasn’t often that he caught Keith alone those days as he spent most of his time with James. Keith failed to notice his presence immediately, too busy practicing combat with his Blade of Mamora. Keith mumbled a weak greeting before placing his knife on his desk. He stared down at his feet and refused to look up at Lance. “Shiro thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go out somewhere. He wasn’t sure what we’d do though so I was wondering if you’d be interested in coming to an aquarium? James can come too if you want.”

Keith swallowed but soon found himself nodding. “That sounds nice actually.” It definitely made a difference to being cooped up in the dorms, struggling to find different ways of spending his time and constantly watching over James. 

“Cool.”

“When are we going?”

“Well… now? If that’s okay?”

“Just let me get dressed.”

“Okay,” Lance remained standing in the doorway and smirked once he realised Keith was glaring at him. “Oh, you wanted me to leave.” Keith didn’t seem at all impressed as he raised his eyebrows and folded his arms. He looked like a parent who was angry at their child for misbehaving.

“Yes, Lance. Let me get changed in peace.”

Once the door was closed, Keith let out a sigh and scrunched his eyes shut: _ Lance was going to be the death of him_. As he leant against the wall and buried his head into his hands, Lance thought the same thing about Keith from out in the hallway.

-

Lance forced a grin at the woman behind the ticket counter. He leant his arm on the table and winked to amplify his image. “Hey, Carly, I don’t suppose you can get us some discounted tickets.” He put on the same voice that he always put on when he was flirting with girls, even going as far as to throw out a pair of finger guns. Carly seemed to cringe at the gesture, her eyes thinning and a single eyebrow raising up her forehead as if to say ‘_are you being serious?_’

“Leo, you know-”

“_Lance._ My name is _ Lance._ How can you not remember? We dated for like-”

Carly rubbed her hands over her face to make her discomfort obvious. “Lance, you know I can’t give you a discount.” Chewing on her bottom lip, Carly swallowed. Lance had jut his bottom out into a pout that looked like it belonged to a five-year-old and not a paladin of the universe.

“Am I not still technically an employee?”

“No? You got fired after-”

“Don’t bring that up!”

Keith leaned his head forward so it was hovering over Lance’s shoulder, raising an eyebrow and asking, “What did he do?”

Lance started to make random noises as an attempt to drown Carly out but she raised her voice to compete until all of Lance’s friends had heard the story. He had once tried to kindap _(sharknap)_ a baby shark in a plastic bag because it was “giving him puppy-dog eyes”. He had made it as far as the reception before people realised the lump beneath his shirt couldn’t have been a baby bump since he was clearly a guy and not a pregnant woman. After hearing about the story, all of his friends were in hysterics whilst Lance folded his arms and glared down at the floor. “I’m sorry but his mum had just died. He needed comfort and a family.”

“So you tried to smuggle him out of the aquarium? That’s hilarious.” Keith punched Lance’s arm so he knew he was only joking around but the scowl still didn’t disappear from Lance’s face. Despite having heard the story once before from Lance’s point of view, Hunk was cackling with laughter that appeared to spread more positive vibes than any cliche tumblr post ever could.

“I learned from my mistakes and that is what’s important. Now, just let us in.”

“I can give you our family and friends’ discount of 20% but that’s it.”

“If that’s all I can get for caring about the animals’ mental wellbeing then I guess I will take it.”

“You don’t have much of a choice but sure. So that’ll be…” Carly leant forward in her seat and pointed at each person until she had a rough idea of how many people there were with Lance. She pressed a button on her screen enough to constitute for the entire group. “$52.”

“52? Did you charge us all as adults or something? Clearly we’re under-”

“Don’t even try. I assume he,” Carly pointed at James, who she recognised as someone she had seen around the Garrison. “Is the only student,” Carly’s mind tempted her to make a comment as to how James was still taller than Keith, despite being the youngest of them all but she decided against it. “I remember, when we dated, you were a few months older than me and Hunk was your best friend so he must be the same age as us… I know Mr Shirogane was a teacher and Keith was that kid he mentored so he’s our age too. You’re all adults but Griffin.”

Lance started to grumble a series of complaints before reaching into his wallet and only seeing about half the amount. He flicked through the pockets but still he wasn’t even close to having the correct amount. He had presumed Carly would give him more of a discount or at least charge them all as students as opposed to adults. Upon seeing Lance’s lost expression as he sifted through his money (or _ lack of _ money), Shiro leaned forward and slapped a series of notes onto the counter. Lance attempted to argue but Shiro hushed him as he accepted the receipt with the tickets on.

“Have a fantastic time at All Star Aquarium.” Carly’s voice was a monotone which heavily contradicted her words. Regardless, Lance and each of his friends thanked her and entered the aquarium.

Nostalgia washed over Lance as they passed a massive sign with a dolphin painted on that read ‘_welcome!_’ in multiple languages. He let his hand hover over _ bienvenue _ as everyone was too engrossed in their own conversations to notice what he was doing. Lance could still remember the layout of the aquarium for the few months he had worked there during his final year of high school. He had also dated Carly for a while which meant he received many free entries before they had broken up and Lance was fired. 

The first tank they came across was full of tropical fish and of course Hunk was the one to point out the clownfish and yell, “Nemo!” It was loud enough to get another family in the aquarium to turn to look at them and usher their child into the next room.

“Dory…” James murmured in response, using his index finger to point at the Dory fish. He was a lot less enthusiastic than Hunk from where he was clinging to Keith’s arm.

“Did you know male clownfish have the ability to turn into females?” Lance read off the fact card in front of the tank, regressing back to his days as a tour guide. He almost missed the dumb shark fin hat that he had been forced to wear.

“Nice.” Keith whispered, though it was clear he wasn’t paying much attention to the fish. He turned his head to look at Lance who was subconsciously scowling at him and James. “What? Why are you glaring at me?”

“Because you’re ugly,” Lance stuck his tongue out to back up his joke and, luckily, Keith didn’t push it. Lance blinked a couple of times and diverted his gaze back to the fish. Keith let his arm snake back around James and pulled him closer so he could lie his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “It’s time for the next room and I must tell you that this is the best room.”

Everyone hummed in unison as they followed Lance down the corridor where there was a massive tank taking up an entire wall. Inside were large sharks with sharp teeth that they showed off by opening their mouths whilst they swam. Lance pressed his hand against the tank and let a grin cover his face as a shark moved towards him. Keith and James were the only ones close enough to hear Lance murmur, “Missed me, did ya?” Keith had to hold back a snort but he refused to admit that Lance was rather adorable when surrounded by animals he loved. Lance walked to the fact card and read it aloud again, “Did you know some sharks such as the great white shark need to be constantly moving? It keeps the water flowing through their gills and prevents them from suffocating.”

“It’s like you, Lance!” Hunk teased, eliciting another pout from Lance.

“Just because I have ADHD,” Keith snorted, making it clear that he found Hunk’s joke amusing. “I’m glad you find it funny, Keith.” Even James was smiling from where his head was hiding in Keith’s shoulder, though no one could see. “Alright, if you guys keep making fun of me then we won’t see the dolphin show.”

“Bit dramatic, aren’t you?” Keith was the one teasing now, eyebrows raised as he tempted Lance into reacting.

“That’s it. I’m the only person going to see the dolphins.” Lance folded his arms and refused to make eye contact with any of his friends. “You know what? Shiro and James are coming too. No dolphins for Keith and Hunk because you’re both mean.”

“Come on, buddy, it was a joke.” Hunk attempted to reach out and pat Lance’s shoulder but he pouted and turned away. 

“Fine… you’re lucky you’re my friends but consider this your last straw.”

-

Once they were all gathered in the small stadium in the marine park, James seemed to be growing irritable. Lance was standing up and clapping along with the music, a wide grin on his face as he waited for the dolphins to come out. They had always been his favourite attraction when he had worked there, though he didn’t have the qualifications and experience to become a dolphin trainer himself. Hunk and Shiro were waiting more patiently and Keith was clutching onto James. “When are we going home?” James whispered from where his head was buried in Keith’s shoulder.

“Lance said we were just going to see the dolphins and the penguin and then get dinner and go.” Keith responded, tracing circles into James’s back. His movements were soft and gentle as if he was worried James was going to break.

“Okay…” James still didn’t seem quite right as he stared directly ahead of him. Keith opened his mouth to question it but that was the exact moment that the dolphin trainers ran onto the stage and the crowd began to cheer. James’s face only scrunched up as a response to the excitement, his hands moving to cover his ears. Keith spared him one last pitiful look before turning back to the dolphins.

The show was going well (for the most part) until the moment the trainer called out into the crowd for volunteers. Lance was instantaneously on his feet, faster than a dog when they hear the word _ walk_. He jumped up and down on the balls of his feet, waving his hands in the air and earning the attention of most people around them. Keith and James both buried their heads into their hands, embarrassed to be seen beside someone so dramatic and attention-seeking. To make it even better, the volunteer actually yelled out, “The excited guy in the blue shark shirt!” Lance did a mini dance that elicited a round of laughter from everyone within a mile radius before racing down to the stage.

The activity he was being asked to do was clearly designed for a child as the trainer was holding back laughter the entire time she explained the task. She handed Lance a hoop and commanded he held it up, over the pool of water. Lance did, arm trembling a shameful amount right up until the point that the dolphin launched itself through. He cheered along with the audience and not even Keith could deny how adorable Lance looked. He resembled an excitable child on Christmas. As soon as the thought appeared in Keith’s mind, he shook his head as if that would make it go away.

The trainer handed Lance something too small for anyone who wasn’t in the first row to see before sending him back to his seat. Everyone applauded as he ran up the stairs, waving at the people he passed as if he was some sort of minor celebrity. When he sank back down in his seat beside Keith, he was glowing with joy.

-

“I’ll meet you at the penguins, okay?” James murmured as they walked out of the dolphin stadium. Lance still seemed to be riding his high as the smile never left his face and his movements seemed light. 

“Why can’t you just come with us?” Keith questioned with thin eyes. James raised his hand and gestured at a sign for the men’s toilets. Too drained to argue, Keith nodded and speed-walked forward enough to catch up with the rest of the group whilst James ducked into the bathrooms.

When James found the group again, he seemed like a different person. He had seemed deflated up to that point but, suddenly, he was buzzing and overjoyed to see the penguins. He rushed right up to the glass and pressed his hands against it, watching as a pair of penguins dived into the pool. He turned his head around harshly enough to make his hair bounce before murmuring, “That’s us.” The penguins seemed to dance together in the way that they swam around, not once separating.

“If that’s us,” Keith started. “Then that’s Lance,” Keith used his index finger to point at one penguin that was eating a stash of fish it had clearly built up over time. It was sat right up against the back wall with its little flippers out in front of it that revealed its chubby stomach to the world. “Hey, Lance, look! We found you!” Lance turned to see what Keith was pointing at before scowling and storming over.

“That’s you then,” Lance pointed at one of the uglier penguins that had two white spots above its eyes that looked like angry eyebrows. “He’s ugly… like you.”

“No penguins can ever be ugly. Plus, James already decided that the two swimming are us.” Keith grinned as Lance hunched his shoulders over in defeat. Each of their gazes diverted to the two in the water, just as one of them pulled itself out onto the cover and began waddling towards ‘Lance’. Keith let out a loud laugh as it began to poke penguin Lance before stealing some of the fish.

“Even penguin Keith is mean.” Lance murmured, encouraging Keith to jokingly punch his arm. Both of them failed to notice that James had wandered off to read the information sign. He folded his arms as his eyes grazed the words, not actually taking any of it in. He hadn’t even realised how much he was rocking on his feet and tapping his hands against his thigh rapidly enough to draw attention to himself. 

“Are we going to get food yet? I’m starving.” Shiro asked, forcing himself into the conversation from where he was standing at the opposite enclosure. Lance met eyes with Keith to silently see what he thought before they both nodded. “Cool, I’ll go get Hunk. I think he walked off to look at the turtles or something.”

“We’ll go and get a table in the restaurant and meet you there.” Shiro nodded in agreement. He rushed out of the penguin exhibit to the one on its right where the turtles were swimming in different pools. Lance and Keith turned around with the expectancy to see James standing there but they only saw empty space. It took them a moment to scan the surroundings and spot him a few metres away. Once they found him, they walked towards him and Keith balanced his head on James’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Keith asked with raised eyebrows. James let his gaze flicker up to meet Keith’s before he looked away again.

“I’m fine, Keith. I just wanted to see the other penguins. Is that a crime? Last time I checked, it wasn’t. Did you know the smallest species of penguin is the blue penguin? It’s only 30cm tall. How cute is that?”

“Adorable…” Keith murmured but he couldn’t bring himself to share James’s excitement. Though he was unable to pinpoint quite what, he knew something was going on with James: _ that was the most he said all day _ and he was _ rambling_. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

James nodded before leaping into a further ramble about penguins.


	37. Death is not an Option

Lance was sat at his laptop, watching a YouTube video that his favourite YouTuber (Jacksepticeye) had just uploaded when someone knocked on his door. He glanced up and called out for the person to invite themselves in. The last person he expected- James- walked into his room, smiling rather bashfully. “Can… Can you do me a favour?” James’s voice was shaking but Lance couldn’t comprehend any possible reasons James had for feeling nervous.

Closing his laptop and turning to face James on his swivel chair, Lance said, “Sure.”

“The other day, when we were at the aquarium,” James started to scratch at the back of his neck but clearly didn’t know what to do with his hands as, the next moment, he was shoving them into his pockets. Lance was observant enough to have already noticed how much they were quivering and, the last time he checked, James didn’t have a tremor. “You said you had ADHD…”

Lance nodded but stopped himself as his mind leaped to a conclusion. It didn’t take a genius to find the link between ADHD and adderall. “James… no…”

“Lance, please… my exam was rescheduled to next week and I need- I need something. Just a few, that’s all. I won’t take them again after this, I swear. Keith doesn’t even need to know.”

“I think I should call him…” Lance reached out for his phone that was sitting on his desk but, before he could even graze it with his hand, James had launched himself forward and grabbed Lance’s wrist. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were full of desperation. The grip James had on Lance’s wrist was so tight that, for a second, Lance was worried that it was going to bruise or leave a mark.

“No, no, don’t please. Come on, Lance, just one pill. What about that? It’s all I need.” Lance’s mouth fell open but he quickly shut it again. “No one needs to know… Just- Just one.” When Lance shook his head, he realised James was on the verge of hyperventilating. Tears were pricking in his eyes as his entire body trembled. “I can’t sleep, I feel sick all of the time, I’m a burden to Keith… It’ll stop with a pill. That’s all.”

“James… Can I ask you something?”

James’s head jerked up as a nod that was borderline frantic. It was as if he was regarding the question as his only hope; as if answering it would cause all of his problems to dissipate. 

“When we went to the aquarium,” The beginning of the question can’t have been what James expected because his face scrunched up and he suddenly developed an expression that screamed ‘_I want to disappear_!’ “Did you take any pills?” James’s flinch made his answer obvious but Lance didn’t want to push it too hard and irritate James any further.

“It was my last one, okay? I needed it or I wouldn’t have made it through the day. I was half asleep and I’m sick and tired of- of being tired! I can’t live like this.” James hunched over and wrapped his arms around himself as tears began to escape his eyes. He let out a choked sob that rang through the room. It was loud enough to make Lance instinctively stand up and pull James into a hug. 

“Relapsing is a natural step involved in getting better,” Lance whispered, going silent for a second as James shifted his position to get more comfortable within the embrace. “But please talk to someone when the withdrawal gets bad. We’re all here for you and we don’t want you to suffer.”

“I don’t want to be a burden. I mean, it- it’s my problem not yours or Keith’s.”

“I’m your friend and Keith loves you. Trust me, we want to help. We hate seeing you like this.”

“I can’t do it.” James murmured so softly that it took a moment for Lance’s brain to process it.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t overcome the addiction. I can’t live like this...”

“Yes, you can. You’re so strong for making it this far already.”

James retracted from the hug enough that Lance could see him shake his head. “I really want to die.”

Subconsciously, Lance gripped onto James’s arm to stop him from escaping the embrace completely. “Please don’t say that. I know you can get through this and death is not an option.”

“I’m sorry for coming here,” James managed to shimmy out of Lance’s grip so he could turn and begin to walk towards the door. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It was dumb of me.”

“It’s alright…”

“Will you tell Keith?”

Lance let his mouth fall open as the cogs whirred in his mind. “I kind of have to. For your own safety.”

“I’m not…” James started but trailed off once he realised he didn’t have the energy to argue his case; _ maybe part of him didn’t trust himself either_. “But please don’t tell him.”

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”

“I promise.”

"And promise me you will talk to either me or Keith when you feel like it’s getting too much?”

“I promise…”

“Oh and James?”

James turned around in the doorway but didn’t make eye contact with Lance. For a moment, the only sound seemed to be that of James’s rapidly beating heart. 

“I don’t even take adderall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for posting so infrequently but, as you know, times are tough right now. This isolation and the virus is causing my mood to plummet and making me rather anxious. In addition, my dog past away on Tuesday and its hitting my family hard. I'm struggling to stay motivated and keep forgetting to upload. I'm sorry and, as always, I hope you are well.


	38. Panic at the Picnic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for such a delay between updates!! I hope you enjoy this regardless :)

The day of James’s exam rolled around much quicker than anyone could have anticipated and, before James knew it, he was heading towards Iverson’s office where he was going to sit the paper. His hands were dancing around his clear pencil case and graphics calculator, fidgeting with them as much as humanly possible, though somehow not tiring himself out in the process. Once he reached the door with Keith by his side, the fact that he was taking an exam that would determine the future of his scholarship kicked in and he found a lump was rising in the back of his throat. He leant the hand that wasn’t holding Keith's stationary against the wall to keep himself steady, closing his eyes as he tried his best to control his own breaths. Keith wrapped his arms around James and pulled him closer, murmuring a tiny, “You’re going to do amazingly.”

James just shuddered and attempted to shove Keith away and create distance between them. “No, no, I can’t do it. I can’t take the exam.” He started to pace up and down the corridor whilst rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. His breathing was uneven and on the verge of hyperventilation but Keith was at a loss as to what to do.

“Yes, you can. If you don’t do it, you’ll fail regardless. If you take the exam, you can prove yourself. You can show everyone that you’re capable and intelligent. You aren’t defined by your mental health.”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

James did seem to be growing all the more pale by the minute so Keith forced a smile and attempted to make his voice calmer. “Breathe with me, okay?” James frantically nodded as he stopped in his tracks and pressed his hand against Keith’s chest. He closed his eyes so he could focus on the soft beating of Keith’s heart. He attempted to imitate Keith’s own breathing patterns until they were inhaling and exhaling at the same pace. Once that was the case, Keith leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against James’s lips. “You’re going to do well; I know you are. If you find yourself panicking at any point, take a deep breath, okay? You can do it. I’ll wait for you outside and I won’t move until you’re done.”

James nodded as Iverson pulled the door of his office open, met eyes with James and said, “Ah, Griffin. You’re here.”

-

The hour and a half that James was in the exam seemed to last forever but, once James rushed out of the room, Keith couldn’t have been happier that he had waited. James brought him into a bone-crushing hug, snuggling his head right into Keith’s chest. For a long moment, they didn’t part. 

Once they separated, Keith questioned the events of the exam. James looked down at his feet with glossed over eyes, fiddling with his hands. The passive, anxious behaviour was enough to deflate all of the optimism that Keith had built up upon seeing James leave Iverson’s office. “I don’t think it went horrendously but it could have gone better. I’m really tired so I probably made a lot of mistakes which could cost me the top-”

“I’m sure you did fine,” Keith reassured. “You get your results in a few weeks time, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Let’s not worry about those too much for now. We need to celebrate you finishing the exam first,” Keith intertwined their hands with the sole purpose of preventing James from fiddling so much. He moved his hands enough to make _ Keith _ feel nervous and restless. “How does a picnic sound?”

If James was being entirely honest with Keith, he would have said that a picnic sounded like the worst possible thing at that moment. The adrenaline rush caused by taking an important exam had made James feel nauseated, meaning food was definitely not a good idea. Despite that, James lied to protect Keith’s feelings and to not be an inconvenience when Keith had set something up nice for him. “It sounds good.”

“Great because I already have all the food ready.”

-

The Garrison wasn’t exactly in the middle of the countryside so their ‘picnic’ happened to be in the middle of the field by a small fountain. When James and Keith arrived, the blanket was already laid out on the grass with different tupperware boxes full of different snacks. Hunk, Pidge, Shiro and Lance were all sat around the blanket, still opening up the plastic boxes and organising plastic cups for everyone to drink from. Each of them waved at the couple as they joined them in sitting down.

“How’d it go?” Hunk questioned with a large grin on his face. James smiled a bit more bashfully, staring down at the glass of what appeared to be lemonade that had been shoved into his hand. He moved it around enough to make the liquid swish in a way that was grounding to watch. The bubbles danced around on the surface. 

“Not that badly. It could have gone better though.”

Lance laughed from where he was sat beside Keith, slapping James on the back harshly enough to elicit a flinch from him. “I’m sure you aced it. You’re a genius.”

“When do you get your results anyway?” Shiro asked, leaning to the side so he could look at James, even though Keith and Lance were blocking his vision.

“Uh… in a few weeks.” Again, if James was being honest, he would have told Keith that he felt overwhelmed surrounded by all of the others. He was in the presence of five great defenders of the universe, expert pilots who had fought in an intergalactic war against an evil alien race. He was just _ James_, one of many pilots at the Galaxy Garrison. He wasn’t special. He hadn’t been chosen by massive lion spaceships like everyone around him had. 

“Good luck, man,” Pidge said as she handed James a tub of sandwiches. “They’re tuna, by the way.” James tried his hardest not to scrunch his nose up at the smell but it had become a reflex by that point.

“Uh… I- I… I don’t like fish.”

“Gosh, Keith, how can your man not like fish? It’s the best thing on the planet.”

James blinked and swallowed as an attempt to ground himself. He slowly placed the tuna sandwiches back on the blanket and picked out a chicken sandwich from the box Hunk had been holding instead. He wasn’t hungry at all- if anything, he stomach was still swirling with nausea- but he didn’t want to burden Keith anymore than he already had. He took a tiny bite from the top corner of the sandwich, chewing it as much as he could before swallowing. It felt like lead on his tongue.

A few more bites later, James was finishing up the sandwich and regretting it. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve before forcing himself up onto his feet. “I’m just going to the toilet.” The words tumbled out of his lips and, as soon as they were out, James bolted towards the main building of the Garrison. The boys’ toilets were just inside the first door so he raced inside and locked himself inside the first stall he came across. Once it was closed behind him, he dropped to his knees and vomited up what little he had eaten. After he had finished, he coughed a couple of times and winced at the burning sensation in his throat.

He clenched his fists into his hair and tugged, frustrated tears burning in the corners of his eyes. “Come on, come on…” He murmured as his face scrunched up as if he had eaten something sour. “You’re being stupid. You need to get over it. It’s not that hard to eat in front of them. They were being nice. You should appreciate it.” If anyone had walked into the bathroom in that moment, they would have judged him for whispering to himself but he couldn’t help it. His mind was going around in circles and he felt like he was on the verge of swirling into insanity. He couldn’t even blame the drugs that time.

Just to his luck, he heard the door shut. “James? Are you alright? You looked like you were going to be sick out there.” Surprisingly, it was Shiro who spoke. James had expected the person to be Keith checking on him; perhaps even Lance.

“I’m fine.” James’s voice come out hoarse, making his state obvious enough.

“You don’t sound fine.”

James stood up and pulled the flusher of the toilet down. He opened the door behind him and walked out to face Shiro. His face was pale and his eyes were devoid of any emotion besides sadness. “I’m ruining the picnic you threw for me, I get it. You don’t need to remind me.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Shiro raised a hand to lay on top of James’s shoulder. He couldn’t help but notice how much James’s body stiffened at the simple touch. “You’re not ruining anything. Are you ill? Maybe you should just get back to your dorm and rest. Hunk could bring you some soup later if you want?”

James shook his head. He clenched his hands into fists and glared down at his feet. “No, I’m messed up. That’s what’s going on.”

“You’re not-”

“No!” James argued, cutting Shiro off. He didn’t mean to shout so loudly but, when you’re on the verge of a panic attack, it was difficult to control menial things like the volume of your voice. The only thing James could focus on was his sporadic breathing and the growing dread in the pit of his chest. “I am! Ever since I started taking those- those stupid drugs, I’ve been so anxious! I shouldn’t be so overwhelmed when all you’re trying to do is something nice. I need- need- need to stop being so pathetic!”

“You aren’t being pathetic, okay? Anxiety is a normal thing that a lot of people suffer with. Come on, breathe for me, James.”

James scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to focus on the softness of Shiro’s voice. He attempted to imitate his breathing pattern but it was difficult when James felt like nowhere near enough oxygen was making it to his lungs. “But my anxiety… it’s my fault. I- I did this to myself. I messed up my brain all on my own.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I- I,” James inhaled deeply to steady the quiver in his voice. “I think we should get back out there before Keith begins to worry.” James turned to walk out but Shiro stopped him by grabbing onto his wrist.

“Your anxiety isn’t your fault. If it’s that bad, maybe you should see a doctor about it. They might be able to put you in contact with a counsellor who could help you.”

“I’m fine, Shiro. Thank you for caring though.” Shiro forced a smile before sighing and allowing James to walk out on him.

When James approached the picnic blanket, he couldn’t help but notice how close Keith and Lance were to each other. Lance was laughing- probably at his own joke, knowing him- and had his head thrown back. Keith was also chuckling, shaking his head in shame. They looked like they were meant to be a couple and not just friends. The nausea in James’s chest returned with the aim of vengeance.

“Oh, James, you’re back.” Keith greeted as James dropped down beside him. 

“What’s so funny?” James’s asked. He wasn’t jealous about Lance but he found himself snuggling right up to Keith to feel his body heat. He even went as far as to press a soft kiss to Keith’s neck (where he knew Keith would like it).

Lance shook his head as he held back further laughs. Luckily, he was still making enough noise to drown out the soft hum that Keith released upon being kissed on the neck. “It’s an inside joke. You wouldn’t get it.” Lance might as well have added salt to the gaping wound. James was very well aware that Keith had spent an entire year in space with people who weren’t him. That meant that, whilst Keith hardly knew James, he and Lance were closer than ever before. They had been through so much together whilst James had been stuck on Earth, alone and developing an addiction.

“Oh.” James didn’t even bother hiding the disappointment in his voice. Keith didn’t say anything if he noticed: he was too busy mumbling something to Lance that made him laugh even harder. James didn’t feel like laughing; instead, he felt like he was on the verge of crying. That was all he seemed to do those days.

James chose against eating anything else in case it made him vomit again. Instead, he watched the others eat and sat in silence, observing everyone else’s conversations (especially Lance and Keith’s; not that he would have admitted that). Pidge, Shiro and Hunk were discussing the weaponry Pidge was helping design with her father whilst Lance and Keith were teasing each other. The weaponry seemed to be an interesting topic but James couldn’t help it as he focused on what Keith was saying. With his knowledge of Keith’s pre-disappearance obsession, he couldn’t even _ attempt _ to suppress the jealousy spreading through his veins. James had to hold back his own irritability, hands clenching into fists so he was able to press his nails into the palms of his hands. He felt left out and isolated like had after his father and Keith’s disappearance.

He didn’t belong beside the paladins of Voltron.

He wasn’t like them.


	39. Don't Scream

“Come here,” Lotor spoke in his usual monotonous voice. Lance lifted up his head and raised a single eyebrow. “Lance, trust me.” Lance didn’t want to admit that Lotor’s voice was calming and really nice to listen to because he was the enemy (but it was true). It reminded him of one of the lullabies his mother used to sing to him that never failed to make him fall asleep. His voice was the epitome of a teddy bear and soft ocean waves beneath a sunset mixed together.

“Why on earth would I trust you, of all people? You attacked my home planet.” Lance kept his voice harsh, despite his mind warning him that he was being so nasty that it went against his morals. 

“What’s the worst that I could do? I have a cuff around my foot so can’t go far, even if I was able to knock you out with my bare fists.”

Lance, mainly because he was too tired to continue arguing, decided to stalk up to Lotor but he still kept a metre of space between them for his own reassurance. “What do you want? I’m here to watch and interrogate you, not to make friends.”

“Get closer.”

“No, why would-” Lance was cut off by his own grunt as Lotor grabbed a fistful of his shirt and forced him forward. Their faces were just millimetres apart; so close that Lance could feel Lotor’s warm breath against his cheek. 

“They’re going to come for me and then you’ll regret ever being my captor. I’m going to find your family and give them the slowest, most gruesome deaths possible. Can’t you imagine your little niece and nephew as they scream for their uncle to come and save them? But you won’t be able to do anything because I’ll be the one keeping you captor, forcing you to listen as I kill the people you love.” Lotor’s voice held more emotion than it had the entire time he had been captured but it was a harsh venom that made Lance feel nauseated.

“You aren’t going to get out, Lotor. You’re watched 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no chance anyone will be able to get in here to speak to you; let alone break you out.”

Lotor didn’t say anything but a large, sinful smile that looked like it belonged to the Cheshire Cat spread across his face. He began to stare ahead, seemingly right through Lance as if he had become nothing but a transparent pane of glass.

“Lotor?”

Silence.

It sent a shiver through Lance’s spine.

-

“He’s going to try and escape. We have to keep watch.” Lance explained to Shiro, face paler than snow. He had been standing with Lotor for over an hour by that point and all he had experienced was a murderous silence. Lotor hadn’t stopped staring at him with a contemplative expression on his face; it looked like he was plotting Lance’s murder.

“He’s trying to scare you so he can get your defences down. Don’t fall for it.” Shiro responded, hardly looking up for longer than a second. For the rest of the time, his gaze was frozen on the table where he a stack of papers were sitting. Lance couldn’t have guessed what they were but he could tell by the large stamp on top of them that they must have been important. 

“We need more guards down there. Just as a precaution.”

“You know we can’t do that. I wish we could but most people are having to go through the new training regimes that Pidge and her dad have introduced. Everyone is massively stressed and busy at the moment. There isn’t anyone we can risk sparing.”

“What about Keith? Hunk? Pidge?”

“You know we can’t put Keith out there. He’s caring for James. I heard he took a bit of a bad turn a few days ago,” The distant, almost sad expression on Shiro’s face suggested that he may have done more than just _ hear _ about it but Lance didn’t push it. Lance stayed silent, staring down at his lap and tapping one finger against the table. His leg was bouncing up and down in restlessness and trepidation; Shiro wasn’t exactly helping. “Pidge is busy with her dad. They’re continuously testing new technologies that help raise Earth’s defence systems. Hunk is still doing his volunteer work in the cafeteria and the staff there have become reliant on him.”

“But-”

“Lance,” Shiro reached out a laid his hand on Lance’s shoulder to calm the paladin. “He’s just trying to scare you, yeah? That’s all. There’s no way he is going to get out of that room. There’s so much CCTV and so many different security systems in the Galaxy Garrison that it might as well be the most secure prison in the world. You’re safe.”

Lance knew better than to argue with his leader. Shiro was the most educated and intelligent of them all so, if he said it was alright, _ it was alright. _

-

It wasn’t alright. 

Lance had turned up to talk to Lotor as he had been doing since Lotor had first been captured. He started off with a menial greeting, to which Lotor had just grunted and refused to look at him. They stood in silence for an extended period of time before Lotor reached out and pulled Lance towards him again. “They’re coming.” He mumbled, face so close to Lance’s ear that he could feel his breath against his neck. Lance refused to admit that it sent a disturbed shiver up his spine.

“No one is going to rescue you.”

“You have no idea, paladin. I have a preposition for you,” A smile tugged at Lotor’s lip but Lance was too busy glaring down at his feet to notice. “If you let me go, I won’t touch your family. I won’t even touch Earth again. I’ll leave you and your precious Earthlings alone.”

“No, you won’t. I may be dumb but I’m not dumb enough to trust you.”

Lotor let out a malicious chuckle, body shaking as he threw his head back and laughed. “Can’t say I didn’t try. How about this, if you don’t scream, I’ll leave Earth alone. I’ll disappear to another end of the universe where you won’t be able to find me and you won’t ever hear from me again.”

“If I don’t- what-” Lance tried to question but, before he could get the right words out, Lotor had shoved him against the wall. Pain exploded in Lance’s head as he opened his mouth to yell but couldn’t get the words to cooperate.

Lotor smirked and lifted his foot to kick at Lance’s head, ensuring he was going to fall unconscious. “Close your eyes, paladin. This doesn’t have to be difficult.” Lance’s brain was urging him to fight back and stand up but he couldn’t. His eyes were too heavy. They felt like weights of lead had been sat on top of them which meant, inevitably, his world drifted in darkness around him.


	40. Falling Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm really sorry updates are so spread out these days. I haven't even been reading them over to check for mistakes before I upload. I just can't be bothered and it's not because I hate writing- I don't- I'm just having a hard time at the moment. Please feel free to point out any mistakes and I'll fix them as soon as I can, I promise. I hope you're doing well. If you're not, just remember that things are going to get better :)

“Where’s Lance?” Adam questioned with thin eyes. “I thought you had a meeting?”

“We do…” Shiro murmured before pulling himself up harshly enough that his chair scraped against the floor. “We have to check on him.” The words rushed out of Shiro’s mouth in a way that was full of panic. Adam had to take a moment to cock his head to the side as he debated how on earth Shiro’s mood had done a 180 so quickly. One moment, they had been having a casual discussion about the future of Voltron and, the next, Shiro was panicking as if the Galra had returned to Earth.

“Maybe he forgot?” Adam tried to provide Shiro with a lifeline; a hint of hope, but Shiro’s face only continued to pale. It looked like his heart had been stolen from his chest and crushed into a million pieces as anxiety overwhelmed his body.

“Can you get me my bayard?” Adam nodded, knowing Shiro wouldn’t want him to waste time arguing. He rushed out of the room to Shiro’s office where he knew the weapon was hidden in his desk. Meanwhile, Shiro began speed-walking down the stairs to the basement of the Garrison. The stairs seemed endless until he was outside the door Lance was meant to be guarding. Adam had caught up with him and handed his bayard over a couple of floors down. They exchanged a concerned look before pushing the door open. It wasn’t locked, as it was meant to be.

Adam was first to notice Lance on the ground, eyes still closed, and he backed up with a gasp. Shiro shoved him out of the way and raced towards Lance, using his shaky fingers to press against Lance’s wrist. _ Thump. Thump. Thump. _“He’s got a pulse. He should be alright. Lance?” Shiro leaned closer to the paladin, eyebrows raised in hope. “Can you hear me?”

“Fuck,” Lance groaned, pulling himself up and pressing a hand against his head. “What happened?” He glanced around the small room through bleary eyes, blinking as he tried to focus on the people around him. Shiro was close enough to be recognisable but Lance was struggling to focus on the other figure in the doorway.

“We don’t know. Can’t you remember?”

Wincing at the sharp pain in his skull, Lance mumbled, “Lotor. I think… I think he got out.”

“Yeah, we gathered,” The figure, who Lance had come to realise was Adam, murmured, stepping deeper into the room so he could examine Lance’s head. “Shiro, can you get me the first aid kit? There should be one just down the hall.” Shiro nodded before rushing out of the door.

“Adam, I- I’m fine. We have to get Lotor… Don’t let him escape...”

“Don’t worry about him for the moment, okay? We need to check whether you have a concussion and how serious it may be.”

“Serious..?”

“Thank you,” Adam mumbled before taking the first aid kit Shiro had brought him. He sifted through it until he found a small flashlight. He raised it into the air and flicked it on so that it illuminated Lance’s unusually pale face. “Follow the light for me, alright?” When Lance was able to follow the light just fine and Adam had examined his pupils to ensure they were both the same size, he nodded and put the flashlight away. “Do you feel dizzy at all?”

Lance swallowed as the room took an ironic moment to balance itself around him. “A little, I guess.”

“Do you have a headache? Do you feel nauseated?”

“Yes and no.”

“Tired?"

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I think he might have a mild concussion but that can be treated with ibuprofen. The headache should go away in a few days if you get plenty of rest, alright?”

Lance nodded his head, letting out a soft sigh that seemed to be full of dismay. “I’m sorry I let him go. It was my one job and I fail-”

“Don’t apologise,” Shiro commanded: he knew it was _ his _ fault, if anyone’s. Lance had tried to warn him but he had ignored him. “Let’s just get you back to your dorm. We’ll watch the CCTV over to see where he may have gone. You focus on looking after yourself and I’ll get someone to look after you.”

-

“I don’t need you two to watch me, you know? I just want to sleep,” Lance mumbled as James and Keith stepped into his dorm and began to wave at him. “I know Shiro wanted you to baby me but I’ve taken meds and all I’m going to do is sleep. You really don’t need to be here.”

“Well, we’re here now so we might as well stay,” Keith said, smiling softly as he sat down on the end of Lance’s bed. James seemed lost before he dragged Lance’s desk chair towards the bed and plopped down onto it. He felt incredibly out of place when in the presence of the pair, like a black sheep amongst a field of white sheep, and that much was apparent in his awkward posture. “How are you feeling anyway?”

“I’m fine. I feel like someone slammed my head into the wall though… oh wait, they did.” Lance winced at the sound of his own voice: even that seemed much too loud against the ringing in his ears. They lapsed into silence as Keith’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen, reading the text message aloud as he did so.

“Shiro said they watched the CCTV. Apparently, after knocking you out, Lotor was able to go full on chameleon and change his appearance so he looked like he belonged in the Garrison. He literally just got up and walked out.”

“What the fuck,” The words slipped out of Lance’s mouth but he instantaneously regretted them as his head started to swim again. “I didn’t know Lotor could camouflage.”

“He _ is _ part Altean.”

“What?” James mumbled, screwing up his face in what could only be confusion. “He has superpowers? And I thought the Alteans were dead?”

“Lotor’s dad was Galran and his mum was Altean so he’s a crossbreed like Keith. It makes sense that he would have retained some of the Altean abilities.”

Burying his head into his hands, James let out a prolonged groan. “I’m so lost.”

“It’s alright. It’s all just stuff that happened whilst we were in space.”

“Of course it was…” James grumbled under his breath. He hung his head to glare at his feet, feeling isolated all over again. His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he begged time to reverse so Keith would have never left for space. That would have prevented James from being left out from all of the inside jokes and, most importantly, it would have prevented Keith from ever getting closer to Lance. James could cope with Keith liking Lance from afar but, each time he watched them interact, jealousy spread through his veins at a higher volume than blood. It was bad and he hated it but _ he couldn’t help it_.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Shiro said he wants to speak to you when you’re feeling better by the way.”

It was Lance’s turn to groan. “Right now, all I want to do is sleep.”

“Sleep then. Forget me and James are even here.”

Lance scowled, looking like he was on the verge of arguing but soon deciding against it. He laid his head against his pillow and pulled his covers up to his chin. He was too tired to do anything _ but _ sleep so there wasn’t much of a chance that he would waste his precious rest time arguing.

-

“It was my fault that Lance got hurt and Lotor escaped…” Shiro murmured, staring up at the ceiling. He had been laying in bed for what felt like hours, blame circling his head as an eagle would circle its prey. He couldn’t _ not _ voice his thoughts when they were practically screaming at him; on the verge of giving him a migraine.

“Takashi…” Adam mumbled from where his head was buried in Shiro’s chest. His eyes had been growing heavy but he refused to let sleep take him whilst his boyfriend was beating himself up over something that wasn’t even his fault.

“Don’t deny it. Lance came to me and told me he was worried. I didn’t even listen to him.”

“What were you supposed to do? There wasn’t anyone available to help. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t have done anything. It’s not even that big a deal: Lance is only concussed. It could’ve been so much worse but it wasn’t. It’s okay. Lance is okay.”

“But now the son of the most evil man in the universe has escaped and is out there somewhere and it’s all my fault, Adam. I can’t even call myself a defender of the universe when I-”

Adam shifted so he was face-to-face with Shiro, forcing them to meet eyes by cupping Shiro’s chin.. He hushed Shiro as he leant forward and gently pressed their lips together. When they pulled back, he whispered, “You’re the best defender of the universe.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“I’m not. Keith’s stronger than me, Lance is funnier than me, Hunk is kinder than me, Pidge is smarter than-”

“Takashi, you of all people should know that everyone has their own strengths,” Adam used his index finger to draw circles on Shiro’s bare chest. “You’re an amazing leader. That’s your thing. Voltron works because you all have your own skills that make you unstoppable when you put them together.”

“But I didn’t protect them like I should have… I see them as my younger siblings so all I want is for them to be safe… then Lance gets hurt, Keith is stressed out and- and James is fighting a drug addiction. Some big brother I am…”

“You’ve adopted James as your little brother too? It’s hard to keep up when you keep taking people in as family.”

“I can’t help it. I just want to help everyone I can.”

“I get it. That’s what makes you such an amazing person.” As soon as Shiro broke their eye contact, Adam knew exactly what he was about to say. That meant he was able to cut Shiro off at such a pace that it may have been a new world record for the pair.

“I’m not-”

“Don’t deny it,” Adam shifted again, wrapping his arm around Shiro’s torso and burying his head into his neck. “Tomorrow, we can speak to Lance. I know he doesn’t blame you but maybe you need to hear it from him.” Shiro buried his face into Adam’s hair, blinking away the uncharacteristic amount of tears glistening in his eyes. _ He was falling apart… _ Voltron _ was falling apart._

-

“It’s not your fault,” Lance whispered, fiddling with the corner of his duvet cover. Shiro was sat on the edge of his bed that time whilst Adam was perched on the desk chair. “Adam’s right. You couldn’t have done anything that could have prevented this from happening.”

Shiro still didn’t look particularly convinced but he didn’t want to push it. He wasn’t going to talk about it if he didn’t have to. “Did Lotor say anything to you before he knocked you out? Anything that might’ve been a hint as to where he was running off to?”

“Well… the other day he threatened me and my family… but yesterday he said that, if I didn’t scream, he would leave Earth alone. He said he would disappear or something.” Lance rubbed his temples with his index fingers as the migraine from hitting his head still lingered.

“Did…” Shiro blinked a couple of times before swallowing to compose himself. “Did you scream?” Lance shook his head as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Okay… do you think he was serious? Do you think he’s going to come back?”

“No… I bet he was just trying to keep me quiet.”

“Probably but I think we can fight him when- if he does return. Pidge has been working like crazy on defence systems so we’re stronger than we have ever been before.”

“I’m sorry I let him out,” Lance mumbled, letting out a soft sigh. He buried his head into his hands as his shoulders slumped forward in dejection. “This is my fault… not yours.”

“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known that he was going to knock you out.”

“I’m still sorry. I should have been more alert.”

“It is neither of your faults, okay? Now, both of you, come here.” Adam opened up his arms and pulled both Lance and Shiro into a group hug. Neither of them wanted to admit it but it was exactly what they needed to put their frantic minds at ease.


	41. Being the Bigger Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I apologise for infrequent uploads but here, I present to you... a very sad chapter.

“Keith, I think it might be best if we break up,” James murmured, gaze fixed on his knees to avoid all means of eye contact. It was almost like seeing Keith’s face as he reacted to the bad news would make it all real. He heard Keith’s breath hitch but James tried his hardest not to make his flinch noticeable. He had to be the bigger man. _ James couldn’t let Keith drag him along anymore. He had had enough of being second best; the backup option. _

“What, why?” Keith choked out, voice cracking on the two simple interrogatives. It contrasted his usual brave, unemotional self.

“Because you like Lance,” Keith’s mouth fell open but, before he could argue, James continued to speak. He knew arguing would only make the situation harder; it was already hard enough as it was. “I can tell. Don’t deny it. You couldn’t make it any more obvious.”

“James, I-” Keith backed up so their bodies were no longer pressed against each other, tears puddling in his eyes. James’s side, where Keith had been pressed into, seemed to turn ice cold as if he had been blasted with an ice attack from Todoroki from the My Hero Academia manga James loved to read. “I don’t-” James made the mistake of glancing up to briefly meet eyes with Keith. As soon as his gaze laid upon the wet tears in his eyes, James felt like he was going to vomit up his lunch.

“You don’t stop looking at him when you’re in the same room as him, even if I’m there too. You’ve seemed distant for a while now. You and him have so many inside jokes that you don’t even attempt to explain to me… you like him, not me. I get it. I should have known way back when we kissed for the first time because you were obsessed with him before you left for space. I guess…” James trailed off to allow himself a second to swallow the lump forming in his throat. “I guess I wanted to convince myself that you might love me back. I wanted you to so much.”

“James, I- I do love you-”

“But not in the way that I love you. I bet you can only see yourself with Lance in the future. I bet he’s the one you imagine when we kiss and when we-”

“I-”

“_Don’t _ lie to me, Keith. I know you. I’ve known you forever. You helped me through my hardest moments when I was being abused by my own dad and you helped me when I got myself addicted to _ adderall _ of all things. You helped me when I had to do my exams a month later than everyone else. You’ve helped me through so much and- and I can’t thank you enough,” A rogue sob escaped James’s mouth, forcing him to hunch over and run his hands through his hair. “I really didn’t want to lose you but I know I have to let you go. I love you and that means I want the best for you. I want you to be happy and I know you’ll never be happy with me.” Keith remained silent which only confirmed James’s suspicions. “I’m breaking up with you so you can be with the one you truly love… Lance. Ask him out. You two are soulmates for fuck’s sake. Anyone can see it.”

Despite the pain inside Keith’s chest from all the emotional turmoil, he forced a smile. He let his eyes track the streams of tears dripping from James’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I get it. I just want you to be happy. That’s all,” James rubbed at his eyes with his fists before letting out a loud huff. “Go talk to him. Right now. You haven’t stopped worrying about him since we left yesterday and I’m sorry if I’m being insensitive but it’s a _ concussion._ I’m sure you’ve experienced worse injuries when you were in space. There’s no way a concussion is going to be what kills Lance.”

“I know but... I can’t help-”

James shook his head, clenching his hands into fists. “You need him. You don’t need me. I think… I think you should leave. The only people who don’t know you two love each other are you and Lance.”

“I’m not going to leave you-”

“I can handle myself. We can still be friends and you can still support me with my… you know what. I just- I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that you love me when you clearly don’t.”

“I do love you. Just…”

“Not like I love you, I get it.”

James glared at his feet, blinking rapidly to fight the tears continuing to gather in his eyes. He felt like he was going to be sick but he was sure that it wasn’t because of his withdrawal symptoms that time. “James… I’m sorry. I thought I did like you for a while but-”

“Lance is the one you’re meant to be with. You’ve loved him forever. Go talk to him.”

“I can’t-”

“Do it. I know you want to.” Keith opened his mouth to argue but, upon seeing how James’s eyes had thinned into a glare, he closed it again. He let their gaze connect one more time, both of their eyes glistening an equal amount before walking out with one last whispered apology.

As soon as Keith was out of sight, James collapsed onto his bed and let out another hysterical sob. He fell asleep before he stopped crying.

-

“Oh, sorry… am I interrupting something?” Keith questioned. He was hovering in the doorway of Lance’s dorm, refusing to meet eyes with any of the people in his room. His eyes were bright red where he had tried to rub away any sign that he had been crying. He hadn’t even had the opportunity to look in a mirror as he had raced straight to Lance’s room as James had suggested. 

Lance avoided the question, instead focusing on Keith’s state which he perceived to be more important. “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

“I- I-” Keith started as his bottom lip wobbled, despite him trying his hardest to get it to stop. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t have made up a lie because the words slipped out of his mouth without his control. “James broke up with me.” As soon as he said it, a sob catapulted out of him. He hunched over and covered his face with his hands but it was too late: Lance, Shiro and Adam had already heard him cry.

“Oh my God,” Lance jolted up, despite the fact that his head was still pounding from his concussion. He raced towards Keith and pulled him into a hug, allowing him to bury his head into his neck. “I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” Keith clutched Lance’s shirt, gripping onto it with all of his might. He was like a newborn baby as they clutched onto their secure base; their mother. “Can you guys give us some privacy?” Adam and Shiro nodded without even consulting each other. Keith stared at his feet so he didn’t have to see the concerned looks on their faces, only acknowledging their presence by stepping to the side to let them out of the room.

Lance gave Keith a moment to compose himself before speaking up again. “James is a jerk for breaking up with you. I’m sure, whatever happened, James is regretting it right now,” _ Technically,_ Lance was right. James _ was _ regretting it but not for the reason that Lance was assuming. “You deserve so much better than him.”

“No, _ I’m _ the jerk.” Keith whispered, voice so soft that, for a brief moment, Lance wondered if he had imagined it.

“Whatever he said was wrong. You are not a jerk. You’re one of the best people I have ever met. James didn’t deserve you.”

“I am a jerk! You don’t get it, Lance.” That triggered yet another round of sobs from Keith who buckled over and buried his head into his hands all over again. It felt like the millionth time he had cried within that last 24 hours, a new record for someone who was so used to being as emotional as a slab of concrete.

“Then let me get it. Tell me what happened.”

“He broke up with me because he figured out that I liked someone else.”

Lance’s mouth fell open and he suddenly seemed at a loss for words. He backed up enough to drop down onto the bed and run both of his hands through his hair. “...What?”

“I like someone else. I dated James because I thought I liked him but I didn’t. I like someone else.”

“But… you and James seemed so happy together?”

Keith shook his head, mumbling so quietly that Lance had to lean forward to make out the words. “I thought we were but he was right. I couldn’t get someone else off my mind and, no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t force myself to love him.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault…” Keith turned to look at Lance and, for a short moment, they met eyes. Keith stared into Lance’s kind, blue eyes, finding himself lost in the oceans hidden behind them. His gaze then flickered down to Lance’s lips. They seemed much more chapped than James’s ever was but, still, Keith found himself subconsciously leaning forward. Before their lips could even touch, Lance shoved him back.

“What are you doing?”

Keith let out another sob, his entire body shaking violently. “I’m sorry. I’ve fucked everything up…”

“Is,” Lance swallowed. “Is it me you like?” Keith refused to meet Lance’s eyes which confirmed it without Keith having to say anything. “...Since when?”

“Since forever… I started to like you way back when we went to the Garrison. I was so jealous of you. You had everything I didn’t… You were funny, kind, sociable and you had so many friends. You were… you were also really cute.”

Lance leaned away from Keith, eyebrows raising to the skies in shock. “Shut up! _ I _ was jealous of _ you_. You were smart, edgy and cool. Don’t get me started on how hot you are.”

“...Are?”

“Yeah, I guess…” Lance raised one of his hands to scratch at the back of his neck. “I guess I’ve liked you for a while too.”

“But what about Allura?”

“I loved her too. It was a mess but I never thought you’d like me back in a million years…” Lance glanced down at his lap so his fringe fell over his face. He let his hands fall back to his sides where he began to let his hands clench into loose fists. “I’m sure she would just be happy that I moved on.”

They went silent for a moment until Keith moved to wrap his arms around Lance’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. That time, Lance didn’t push him back. Instead, he moved his arms around Keith’s waist so that he could deepen the kiss. 


	42. An Old Friend

“Hey… George,” James said, voice wavering an unnerving amount. He couldn’t stop himself from blinking at an unnecessarily rapid rate: it was the only way he could get rid of the tears gathering in his eyes. He was _ sick _ of crying. “Can we meet up?”

“Do you need another hit?” George’s voice was a dull monotone; as if he dealt with addicts every day of his life. He probably did, considering he dealt adderall to someone he had never had a single conversation with that didn’t revolve around the topic of drugs.

“Uh… yeah… I need it as soon as possible.”

“I can meet you at our old meeting place in a few hours?”

“No sooner?”

“Nope. I’ve got another job I need to attend to. Surprisingly, my world does not revolve around you.”

James used the hand that wasn’t holding onto the phone to tug at his own hair. The sharp pain helped him calm down, even if the relaxation didn’t last any longer than a few milliseconds. “Okay.” Unable to think clearly enough to muster up a menial farewell, James hung up and threw his phone onto his bed. It bounced off and crashed to the floor with a soft _ thud._ He didn’t care to check whether it had survived the fall.

-

When James walked behind the school and his eyes laid upon George, he forced a smile with the hope that he didn’t look as much of a mess as he thought he did. One glance into a small puddle on the floor told him he somehow managed to look messier. His reflection stared up at him through wide, red-rimmed eyes with hair on his head that resembled more of a mop than anything else. He glanced up at George who had his back leant against the wall with his arms crossed in front of him- just like old times. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it Griffin?”

James glared at his feet and nodded. Even his shoes were a mess- caked in brown mud that discoloured their usual white. “My boyf- _ ex- _boyfriend found out and made me delete your number from my phone.”

“How’d you get in contact then?”

James didn’t want to admit the truth; _ he had the number memorised_. That seemed a new kind of low that James didn’t want to be known for stooping to. He had called it enough whilst in the height of his addiction that typing it out seemed like muscle memory and he had just come to remember it. “Just give me the pills.”

“You know the rules. Money first.”

George jut out his hand, the dim lighting of the alley not doing its dry, roughness justice. “That’s... the thing…” James swallowed thickly, shoving his trembling hands into his pockets even though he was only met with empty air. A part of him had hoped that the money would have appeared on its own.

“You _ do _ have money, don’t you? This is a two way deal, Griffin. No money, no pills.”

“I’ll pay you back later, I promise. I just- I need them. I’ll do anything.”

George backed up and dropped his arm to his side. He shook his head in what appeared to be slow motion to James whose world was falling apart right in front of him. “I reiterate: no money, no pills.”

“Come on,” James could hardly control himself as he dived forward and grabbed George by the collar of his shirt. He gripped on with all of his might, desperation clouding his eyes. “I need them. You don’t get it.”

“I do get it, Griffin. I think it’s you who doesn’t get it. I don’t give a fuck about you or your prissy little life. All I care about is the money. If you don’t have it, I can’t give you the pills.” Any other time, James would have known his actions were stupid but he was too phased by the withdrawal and the break up. He shoved George into the wall, raising his fist. It was so shaky that it hardly represented all the combat training he had had back at the Garrison. “You forget who I am.”

“I haven’t forgotten.” 

“I think you have,” George shoved James off of him, using enough strength for him to stumble back but not quite fall over. “I am capable of so much more than you.”

“I scored top in combat-”

“Yeah but you’re hardly the same guy as you were back then. Just look at yourself. You’re pathetic,” George’s voice was full of so much venom that James was beginning to feel nauseated. “You can’t function without pills, for fuck’s sake. You haven’t taken them in a while and you’re losing it,” It was George’s turn to raise a fist and James found himself cowering back. Once George’s fist came in contact with James’s face, his grunt rang through the air. “How are you supposed to help defend Earth when you’re like this? When you can’t function without pills? You’re weak, Griffin. You should back down now, unless you can get a hold of the money now. Oh and thanks to your inability to cooperate, the price has gone up ten bucks.”

“George-”

“I can raise it further if that’s what you want?”

“I don’t have the money…”

“Get the money. I wonder, are you desperate enough to steal it? I bet it’d be easy to get some money off one of those paladins you constantly follow around. Would one of them notice if some cash went missing from their wallets? I bet they wouldn’t.”

“I’m not going to steal.”

“Then you’re not going to get the pills. It’s simple. I thought someone as smart as you would be able to understand that.” James grunted as George aimed a second punch. Pain ran through his right eye like an electric current, half of his vision blurring so much that George was rendered a blob of colour. 

“What’s going on here?” The voice made both George and James turn to look at the speaker. Hunk was standing under the dim lighting of the alley, hands on his hips and an eyebrow raised.

“Nothing!” James managed to shout, shoving George away from him and forcing a smile. “Nothing is going on. Just forget you ever saw us.”

“Who’s this, James? A friend?” Hunk picked apart the fear in James’s expression, from the darkness shining behind his eyes to the scowl across his face. He walked towards the pair so they knew to back off, knowing they wouldn’t know that he wasn’t willing to fight.

George rolled his eyes before muttering, “I don’t need this shit.” After that he stalked away, leaving Hunk and James alone behind the school.

Before Hunk could ask James any more questions, James was already speaking. “Don’t tell anyone you saw us together.”

“But what were you doing? It looked dodgy and…” Hunk leaned his head forward, eyes flickering to the brown surrounding James’s eyes. “Is that a bruise? Did he hit you?”

“It was my fault. I was trying to argue with him.”

Hunk looked sceptical but chose against pushing it. “I think you should get back inside in case he comes back.” James nodded: he was much too tired and emotional to argue.


	43. The Promise

“Is James okay?” Hunk randomly asked over dinner one night. Lance and Keith both jolted their heads up, wide eyes adorning their colour-drained faces. “I mean, he’s not here and the other day I…” Hunk trailed off as he recalled James begging him not to tell anyone. It didn’t take a genius to realise how desperate he had been.

“He broke up with Keith,” Lance blurted out whilst Keith tried to fathom what Hunk may have seen. His mind was filling with the worst possibilities which did, in fact, include Hunk stumbling across James taking or buying drugs. No one touched their dinner as Lance’s statement bounced around each of their heads. Similar looks of shock covered all of their faces: many pairs of eyebrows raised up high and many mouths forming objectively perfect ‘o’s. “James kind of figured out Keith liked someone else so… yeah.”

“Oh,” Shiro murmured, poking at his food with his fork. The shock on his face morphed into an expression that could only have been read as _ disappointment._ Lance didn’t even have to be the most observant of people to realise that Keith was refusing looking in Shiro’s general direction at all. “I’m sorry.” 

“Where did you see James?” Keith asked. Despite Keith and James no longer being together, Keith still cared about James; just as a little brother as opposed to a boyfriend.

“The back of the school? I think he was with a friend?” The way Hunk’s tone raised in intonation suggested his own skepticism at his words. That certainly didn’t put Keith’s sporadic mind at ease.

“Oh my God, do you think…” Everyone’s faces seemed to register the implied ending of Keith’s question at the same time as their lips each moved to form identical frowns. “I need to go.” Keith shoved his plate forward and pulled himself up with such speed that the entire table was impressed that he didn’t give himself whiplash. Lance reached out and grabbed his arm, sending him a pair of wide eyes.

“I’m going with Keith to check on James. Sorry we had to cut the dinner short.”

“No, no, it’s fine. We all hope James is okay.”

Lance nodded before he let Keith drag him in the direction of James’s dorm. When they reached their destination, they knocked. After receiving silence as a response, Lance could only imagine what was spiralling through Keith’s mind. He was staring at the door with a blank expression on his face but the image of finding James on the floor was glued in his mind without any intention of leaving until he saw James alive.

In the end, Lance took it upon himself to open the door himself and step into the dorm. James was sat at his desk with headphones on his ears, staring down at his notebook with tear-filled eyes. He turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed Keith and Lance standing in the doorway.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He snapped, pulling his headphones down so they were hanging around his neck. The sound of heavy music faintly filled the air until James pressed _ pause _ on his phone.

“Hunk told us he saw you at the back of the school with someone.” Lance cut to the chase because Keith sure wasn’t going to. He still looked like he was in a state of shock.

“I told him not to tell anyone. It was nothing!”

“Then why don’t you want people knowing, huh? Did you get drugs from him? Is that what you were doing?”

James’s face blossomed a dark red colour as he glared at the blank page in front of him. “No.”

“Then what were you doing?”

“Alright, fine! I was trying to get drugs off of him but he didn’t give them to me. I didn’t get any so you two can leave me alone. Get away from me!” James was shaking and his voice was gradually getting louder but neither Lance nor Keith could tell whether that was a result of sadness, desperation, anger or a combination of all three.

Keith stepped forward and started to speak, surprisingly enough. “Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I don’t care. I still want to look after you. As a friend. You can talk to me whenever you need to. You don’t have to do this on your own.”`

“Yeah, I do.” James stood up, breathing heavily. Anyone would have thought he had partaken in an Olympic race and hadn’t just been sitting at his desk. “I have to do it on my own because I don’t have anyone. My dad’s dead. My boyfriend was in love with someone else. All my friends are better than me which makes me feel like shit whenever I’m with them. I’m all alone, Keith. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Of course I fucking understand!” Keith hadn’t anticipated himself to shout; it had just happened on its own accord. It was loud enough to make James stumble back, eyes wide and legs trembling. “I had never had a secure family until I met Shiro! I was tossed from foster family to foster family without anyone!”

“Yeah but now you have Voltron. Voltron is your family.” James spat, eyes hardening into a glare. “I don’t have anyone anymore.”

“You have us!” For a moment, the only sound in the room was Keith’s heavy breathing. “I love you. Lance loves you. The rest of team Voltron love you. We don’t want you to suffer and we care about you with all of our hearts. Don’t you get it? You aren’t alone. Yes, Voltron might be my family but it’s automatically yours now that we’re friends.”

“He’s right,” Lance chipped in as tears began to drip down James’s pale cheeks. “You’re our friend.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Promise us you won’t get in contact with the dealer again?”

“I can’t-”

“Promise us, James.”

“Fine,” James swallowed, though he refused to make eye contact. “I promise.”

“And promise us you won’t isolate yourself anymore?”

“...I promise.”

“Now come and give us a hug.” Lance forced a smile as James jumped up and enveloped both him and Keith into a hug.

-

“Guess what!” Shiro exclaimed, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Lance jumped and placed a hand over his heart whilst Keith glared at Shiro. “We’re going to space again!”

“Are the aliens back?” Keith questioned, eyes wide all of a sudden. He hadn’t even considered the fact that Shiro had seemed so happy about it, only choosing to jump to the worst conclusion (as usual).

“No, clear day is coming up in a few days time and I thought we could head out there to celebrate again. I’ve already spoken to someone on the planet and they said we could come, as long as we work on security again.”

“I don’t think-” Keith began to argue but Lance cut him off with a wide grin.

“That sounds good. I think we could all do with a break. Things have been stressful for a while, haven’t they?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking! We could invite James along too, maybe some others in his class as a reward for finishing exams. Don’t they get their results tomorrow?”

“Yeah, James is freaking himself out about them…” Keith murmured, making both Shiro and Lance nod in agreement.

“It’s settled. We’re going to clear day again!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so terrible at uploading these days lmao. I'm sorry. I hope you are safe and well though!


	44. A Million Steps Backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is the second to last chapter...

“Can I just-“ James let his gaze flicker up for a brief moment so he could meet eyes with George. It was clear that they couldn’t have been just friends- James looked like the polar opposite of George. Whilst George was clad in a pair of tracksuit bottoms and an Adidas jacket, James was wearing skinny jeans and a black band t-shirt. “I just need some pills. Nothing else.”

“Oh yeah?” George rummaged around in his pocket but it was apparent in the mischievous glint in his eyes that he wasn’t looking for what James wanted. When he pulled out a clear bag with something that most certainly wasn’t adderall, James felt like he was going to throw up.

“Come on, I’ll give you the money for adderall but not-“

“Not weed? And how do I know you actually have money this time?”

James let his eyes cast down to the green stuff, though it didn’t calm the nausea in his stomach. “I don’t do drugs like that and- and I have money, I swear.”

“Are you saying adderall isn’t a drug? You’re addicted, mate. That much is obvious. How is doing weed any different?”

“I don’t,” James slipped his trembling hands into his pockets to hide them from George. “I don’t want to get high. I just want the withdrawal symptoms to stop. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Sure but I don’t have adderall today.”

“But I specifically ordered-“

“Sorry, I can’t get the next prescription for another week. It’s either weed or nothing. I promise you the high is worth it.”

Deciding he didn’t have much choice as he hadn’t taken anything in much longer than he wanted, James snatched the bag from George’s hand. “Fine but I’m not paying full price.”

George couldn’t hide his smile as he accepted the discounted money from James. _ He knew exactly what he was doing. _

Once James had paid, he practically ran down the alley in the direction of the school. Tears clouded his eyes, making it difficult to see through the blur but James knew the school better than anyone. He found his way back to his dorm where he slammed the door and locked it behind him. He didn’t waste time before rolling the drug and taking it, though what he was doing didn’t settle in until it was too late.

Within the hour, he was gone. Suddenly, school didn’t matter. Keith didn’t matter. _ The world didn’t matter. _

James laughed so loudly that it seemed to shake the room. His entire body was trembling but there was a buzz deep inside his chest that made him feel unstoppable. All the pain he had been subdued to was unimportant and, although he had taken a million steps backwards, he didn’t care. It was hilarious. All of the pain he had forced himself through was the funniest thing in the world. When his phone started to ring in his back pocket, he didn’t hesitate before fumbling around to answer it. He put it on loudspeaker as he threw his body back onto the bed so he could stare up at the ceiling.

“What’s up?” James laughed. And he laughed. And he laughed. Anyone around him would think he had heard the funniest joke in the world when, really, he hadn’t.

“James, are you crying?”

“Keith,” James giggled at the sound of the name before repeating it multiple times, dragging out the sound in the middle and finding it incredibly amusing. “Keeeeeeith.”

“I’m coming over. I’ll be there with Lance in a few minutes, okay? Stay where you are.”

“No, no, no. I’m fine, Keith. I’m fiiiine.”

“I can’t believe you.” Keith muttered before the line went dead. James dropped his phone onto the bed with enough force for it to bounce up into the air. Somehow, he managed to bounce it into the wall. When it fell against the bed, limp, James didn’t spare it a second thought.

A few moments passed before Keith walked into James’s room with Lance in tow; he didn’t bother knocking.

“You’re fucking high. I thought you stopped.”

“I did,” Keith raised a single eyebrow and shook his head, hardly believing James would bother to lie when he was so clearly off of his head. “I didn’t take adderall. I took something so much better.”

“Better?” Lance chipped in with a pair of furrowed eyebrows. James howled with laughter as he reached forward and latched onto Keith’s shirt. He lumbered forward to sit onto the other’s lap, burying his head into Keith’s neck as he did so. Keith let out a loud huff before pushing James away. Anyone would have thought James had been slapped around the face with how much hurt appeared in his expression.

When James didn’t say anything to Lance and just sat there, pouting like a small child, Keith began to sift through James’s pockets. It didn’t take long for him to find and pull out the now half-empty bag of weed. “What the fuck, James?”

“I was going insane on my own. I needed something to cheer me up.”

“Weed will not make anything better! When are you going to understand that drugs aren’t the way to go?”

“When they stop making me feel so goooood.”

Keith’s jaw clenched and he stared at the wall as if he was ready to punch it. As a precaution, Lance leaned over and laced their hands together so he couldn’t even form fists. “You’re going to kill yourself if you keep going on like this.”

“So what? Let me die,” James laughed as if his own death was the funniest thing in the world. With the way Lance and Keith were frowning, it clearly wasn’t. “No one cares anyway. I don’t have any family and my boyfriend left me for someone else. I’m alone.”

“You are not alone. You have us.” Lance tried to explain as Keith jolted up and forced their hands apart. He didn’t say another word as he walked out of the room.

James snorted as he stared at the spot where Keith had been sitting. “He hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t. We just don’t get it. Why are you being like this?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“I’m alone in this world and I always will be.”

“James,” When Lance could no longer tell whether James was crying or laughing, he decided that it wasn’t the right time to talk. “We can talk about this tomorrow, okay? I need to ask though, was what Keith found all the drugs you had?”

James nodded, tears trailing down his cheeks. Lance thought they were sincere but he couldn’t have been certain.

-

Lance found Keith inside the red lion. It took around an hour of Lance searching every possible hiding place before he stumbled across the red paladin in what had almost become a second home. He climbed up the steps and called out Keith’s name, forcing a sympathetic smile once he found him.

“Are you crying?” was the first thing Lance was able to say. He sunk down on the floor so he was sat against both Keith in the wall and could offer the optimum amount of comfort. Keith turned his head away but it was too late: Lance had already seen the tears in his eyes. “It’s okay to cry. I know your reputation makes you feel like you have to be strong and emotionless all the time but you don’t have to. You’re allowed to be upset sometimes.”

Keith covered his eyes with his hands as his body shook with a series of uncontrollable sobs. Lance had triggered something inside him and made it so he couldn’t _ stop _ crying, even if he wanted to. He was so used to holding up a defensive wall that he wasn’t sure how to control his emotions once they overwhelmed him to the point of tears. “I just don’t get it. I want to help him but he keeps doing stupid things like taking- taking weed. Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“He keeps saying no one cares about him but people do. I care about him so much. He- He doesn’t deserve to go through all of this alone. It’s my fault he doesn’t even have his dad to help him. I-“

“Shut up. It is not your fault,” Lance placed a heavy amount of emphasis on the _ not _ to exaggerate his point. “You know what his dad did to him. You saw it firsthand. If he was here, James would only have more problems.”

“I just want him to be happy,” Keith wiped his nose with his sleeve, staring straight ahead as if that would help the tears subside. “I wanted to love him in a way that would make him happy but I don’t. I want to be there for him but it’s just so difficult when he won’t let me.”

“I know but he’s going to get through this. There will always be setbacks in recovery and that is just a fact. One day, he will overcome this addiction and I know it. He will get better and, if he doesn’t want our help, we force it on him. He needs to understand that we are his friends.”

Keith didn’t say anything, a sign he silently agreed with what Lance was saying. He continued to stare ahead until Lance pat his side and forced a smile. “Come on, let’s go back to your room. We can watch a movie together to cheer you up. We can watch one of your violent movies that I hate.”

“Really?” Lance nodded. He stood up and held out his hand to pull Keith up with him. “Will James-“

“He’ll be okay for now. I managed to get him to fall asleep.”

“But he gets his results tomorrow… what if he freaks out all over again in the morning? I can’t- I don’t-”

Lance hushed Keith whilst rubbing his arm up and down.


	45. Clear Day!

James didn’t tell the others what time he was getting his results, in case he failed them and couldn’t face them. He pushed the doors open to the hall, legs hardly holding himself up as they dragged him over to the table at the front of the room. It went without saying that he was still feeling the aftereffects of the drugs he had taken but, in the saddest way, he had almost become accustomed to the depression. Iverson was standing behind it with a pile of envelopes sitting in front of him. Once his eyes laid upon James, he smiled and began to sift through the pile in search of the letter G. “Ah, Griffin,” He pulled out the envelope and handed it over. “Good luck.”

James nodded as a thanks before heading back out of the room. He leant against the wall and took a long, deep breath before tearing the top. He had never been good at opening envelopes but, that time, he might as well have just torn it down the middle. He pulled out the paper with trembling hands, eyes grazing over his results.

His mouth dropped open as he mumbled, “Oh my God,” over and over again until the words didn’t feel like real words anymore. He clasped the hand that wasn’t holding the paper over his mouth as tears formed in his eyes. 

-

Barging into Keith’s room without being invited in, James practically launched himself at the lump that was Keith underneath the cover. Keith jolted up with his hands in clenched fists, eyes glaring at the intruder as he prepared himself for a fight. “What the…” He trailed off as his gaze settled on James and not some violent murderer or burglar.

“I got my results!” James might as well have been screaming for help with how loud his voice had been. Tears were still trailing down his cheeks but the smile on his face gave him away and Keith didn’t need to be wide awake to realise that. “I passed! I was only like… five marks off 100%.”

“That’s amazing! I knew you could do it!”

For a brief moment, the desire to kiss Keith rang through his mind but James tempted it away. “We have to celebrate.”

“Soon, okay? It’s like… 10am. I’m tired.”

“Exactly! It’s 10am! You should be awake!”

Keith just groaned before shoving James off of him and rolling over to get more rest. James pouted before leaving Keith to his beauty sleep.

-

“Where are we going?” James asked for the millionth time as Keith and Lance dragged him through the Garrison into private areas he had never been inside before. Keith shook his head and didn’t respond. He only stopped once they were standing in front of the lions. “Are you taking me to space?!” James was practically squealing like a teenage girl at a One Direction concert, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet and waving his arms around in an excited, impatient manner.

“It’s a surprise so just shut up and see.” James couldn’t hide his grin as Keith dragged him up the steps of the red lion. Lance followed them from behind, making James thin his eyes.

“Why is Lance in the red one? I thought his was the blue one.”

“It is but why would we take more than one lion when we can get all of us in one? It’s called efficiency, James. Now go sit on the floor over there and don’t touch anything.”

“How can you tell me not to touch anything when I’m in something so awesome?” James wandered over to Keith’s control panel, bending over to he could look at the buttons from close up. Compared to the small fighter ships James had previously flown, the lion was much more complicated; it was intriguing to someone so interested in piloting. “This is so advanced! How do you fly it? What buttons do you-”

“James, I love you and all but will you shut up, please?!” Lance snapped, eliciting a soft laugh from Lance who had squished beside Keith on the pilot’s seat. “The lion mainly flies itself and we steer it. That’s all you need to know.”

James frowned before dropping down to sit on the floor and _ finally _ shutting up.

-

The sound of loud music made James perk his head up. Once they were landed and Keith had thrown open the lion’s door, James’s face lit up like the multiple suns that were hanging in the sky.

“C_lear day! Clear day!"_ The music sang, so loudly that it was almost deafening. James leaped up onto his feet before racing down the steps, despite Keith telling him not to run off. 

“We need to wait for Shiro and the others! James, when did you get so fuck-” Keith cut himself off when Lance grabbed his arm and glared at him.

“Remember we need to maintain our status. Don’t swear around the burrowmen. They might find it offensive.”

Keith huffed before stalking down the steps and stumbling right into James who had halted. They would have fallen to the floor in a small pile if Lance hadn’t grabbed both of them and steadied them. Just as they sorted themselves out, they noticed two more lions landing beside Red, making enough of a racket to earn the attention of everyone within a mile’s radius. Within a few minutes, they had gathered into a large crowd with Keith, Lance, James and Shiro on the edge. Shiro held out his hand and dropped counters into each of their hands. “I managed to get a hold of some tickets for free. Use them wisely and meet me back here in a few hours. Have fun.”

The threesome nodded before rushing off towards the first stall they could see. It was a shooting game with different lions hung around it, along with some other stuffed animals. Lance immediately picked up one of the guns and looked into it as if it were a complicated sniper and not just a toy water gun. He practically threw a token at the person manning the stall. “I’m going to win you _ that _ lion.” Lance murmured, pointing at the largest lion hanging on top. The alien smirked, raising his eyebrows as if to say ‘_I’d like to watch you try'._

James backed up so he could watch from a distance as Lance shot a small spray of water at the target. The aim was to get it in a hole in the middle to fill up the bucket beneath it. Lance was almost perfect the entire time but, once his gun was out of ammunition and the alien picked up the bucket, it was half empty. “What the heck? That was perfect and there’s no way I, the sharpshooter of Voltron, didn’t get a perfect score. This game is rigged.”

Keith rolled his eyes before handing over one of his own tokens. The alien accepted it and handed Keith a filled gun so he could have a go. Lance folded his arms and glared at the stupid target, expecting Keith to fail like he did. Of course, he didn’t. The alien lifted up the full bucket with a grin on his face before questioning which of the prizes Keith wanted. Keith contemplated it as he scanned the different gifts before pointing at the large red lion Lance had wanted. He thanked the worker before throwing the lion at Lance who fumbled around with it before catching it properly.

A smile tugged at James’s lips. He was sad that Keith wasn’t giving _ him _ the lion but he was still living off the high of his exam results. For a moment, he could bask in the fact that Keith was happy, even if it wasn’t him making Keith happy.

“James, do you want a go?” James shook his head so Keith just shrugged, turning to walk to the next stall. It seemed to be an alien rip off of hook a duck so they passed by that one rather quickly.

After walking around for a while, James still had all of his tokens left. He glanced down at them in his hand before scanning his environment for anything he was interested in. He settled on a stall with a ring toss game before walking over to it. Keith and Lance followed him, too distracted in their own conversation to talk to James. James didn’t mind though: _ how could he when Keith looked so happy? _ James felt like he had never seen Keith so ecstatic and they had known each other since they were kids. James jutted out his hand to hand over the counter, at the exact same time as someone else did. Both retracted their hands, bashful blushes rising to their cheeks as they each rambled out apologies.

“You can go first.” The other boy said, making James turn to look at him to thank him. They met eyes and, all of a sudden, James forgot how to speak. The boy he was looking at was a kind of beautiful that seemed to be extracted straight from a cliche romance movie. There wasn’t a single word in the English dictionary that would have given justice to his attractiveness. He had short, blonde hair that was shaved at the sides but he still had a fringe that gave James emo vibes. He was wearing a dark black shirt with the logo of James’s favourite band on the front. 

“Thanks,” James eventually squeaked, taking the hoops from the alien. When he threw them, he missed by a mile, unable to tear his attention away from the attractive dude standing right next to him. The boy laughed at James’s inaccuracy before taking the hoops himself and having a go. James’s jaw dropped open as he didn’t miss a single one. “You’re so good!” James blurted out without thinking before going bright red again.

“You sucked but-” The boy cut himself off so he could accept a stuffed animal that looked like an alpaca with antlers and thank the worker. He turned away before hitting his elbow against James’s. “What’s your name, boy-who-is-useless-at-throwing?”

“Uh,” James glared at his feet. Somehow he had forgotten the name he had had for eighteen years of his life. “James…”

“I think I’ve seen you around the Garrison before. You must be in one of the other classes because we’ve never talked.” James hummed a response, not trusting his voice in case it cracked and made him look like an idiot. “I don’t know about you but I’m not too into stuffed toys… especially not weird llama… reindeer things…”

“Don’t you think it’s kind of cute? In an ugly way?” The boy raised an eyebrow before shoving the thing into James’s grasp.

“You can have it if you want."

“But you won it?”

“Yeah? What am I going to do with it?” James shrugged, eliciting a soft laugh from the boy. “Have you been on the ferris wheel yet?”

“No, I’ve been tagging with a couple all day and didn’t want to go on it alone. That would be kind of sad, wouldn’t it?”

“Who says you’d have to do it alone? We could do it together? My friends ditched me anyway.” The boy turned his head and James followed his gaze to look at a small group that were huddled around the _ hook a duck _ stall. They seemed to be engrossed in it as the tall girl in the centre of the group attempted to pick out a duck whilst the others cheered her on.

“I don’t want to leave-” James started but Lance shoved himself into the conversation with a smirk that screamed _ mischief_.

“You can leave us, James. Have fun on the ferris wheel but not too much fun, alright?” James’s face somehow went even redder but he tried to hide his face in his hands so he didn’t embarrass himself too much.

What made it even worse was the boy’s response, “I can’t guarantee anything.”

-

By the time they got back to Earth, they were exhausted. Lance and Keith had headed right back to Keith’s room where they had curled up on his bed, limbs intertwined. Lance was using the lion Keith had won him as a pillow, the stuffed toy being surprisingly soft for a cheaply made prize at a fairground. Shiro was in a similar position with Adam, pressed against each other as they slept away the lethargy caused by such a long, exciting day. Hunk had admittedly been sick a few times from a rollercoaster he had been on with Pidge but, he too, was curled up in bed. Even Pidge, who rarely ever slept, was tucked under the covers, deep in a dream world.

James was still awake. He was sat in the boy’s- whose name he now knew was Liam- dorm, cross-legged opposite Liam. They were laughing about a joke Liam had said, both of their faces brighter than the sun shining in the sky.

“I can’t believe we’ve never met before,” James mumbled between laughs. He was out of breath from the hysterics but he couldn’t have been happier. “You’re _ hilarious_.”

“And you’re really fucking cute.” Liam seemed embarrassed as he broke eye contact as soon as the words had slipped out of his mouth. His face blossomed a soft pink as he stared up at the ceiling. James swallowed, reaching out and grabbing Liam by the collar of his _ All Time Low _ shirt and forcing him to move towards him. He hardly let himself think before pressing his lips against Liam’s.

The entire time they had been hanging out together, James hadn’t thought about Keith once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story! I'm actually pretty proud of it: it's the longest fanfiction I've written in a very long time. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It's super weird that I started writing this before I started university and now I'm finishing posting it now that I've finished year one and am going onto year two! 
> 
> It's a shame I lost an upload schedule half way through and the updates started to become a bit erratic but now it is finally over. The world has changed drastically throughout the course of this fanfiction but I hope you are all doing okay. Remember, if you ever need to talk to someone, I am here for you. I understand. I've been going through my own mental health issues and I'd just like to say that there are people who care about you. You are loved. You can get through this. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I'll see you in my next book (hopefully). Who knows when that will be because I haven't written anything in so long. If you have any ideas, please drop them in the comments lmao. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed The Monster in the Sky :D


End file.
